SINCE THE BBC SACKED ALL THE DALEKS # 6
Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks
Most are just scrounging off the state
But there is one working at the Uni
He doesn’t really communicate
And it scares a lot of the debaters
When it says Expostulate, Expostulate
JOE AND MABEL
Joe offered Mabel a drink and said
“You remind me of my little toe”
She giggled a bit and replied
“Because I’m small and cute Joe?”
She giggled again and he laughed
Then he replied “No it’s not that Mabel
It’s because I’ll probably end up
Banging you on the coffee table”
WHEN YOU DIE - HUSBAND
“When you die”
Said my wife,
“Extinguishing
All signs of life”
Writ on a plaque
Of shinning brass
“Here lies my husband
Stiff at last”
NAME CALLING # 2
I didn’t call her a dog
That would be hard to defend
But I did say she was
Mans best friend
SCRABBLED
After a scrabble marathon,
Hundreds of games back to back,
Tony Blair now feels vindicated
He finally found WMD in a rack
PICTURE HOUSE MODE
Bimbette and Peaches
Plus seventeen friends
All went to the cinema
At the booking office
The girl enquired
“Blimey why so many of yer?”
Bimbette said in reply
“Coz the advert says
18 or over."
THANK YOU FOR YOUR FAVOURS
Thank you for your favours, and joy they're bringing
Thanks coz now my pee is stinging
I wish I’d gone with out it, I say in all honesty
What would life be?
Without an itch or a rash what are we?
So I say thank you for your favours
For giving them to me
So I Say
Thank you for that infection
For giving it to me...
Sung to the tune of “Thank you for the music” by ABBA
WHAT I SAW OF MY COUSIN
I pushed open the bathroom door
And there before me stood
My young cousin towelling off
So I looked away as soon as I could
I quickly told her I was sorry and
I saw nothing which wasn’t quite true
I did see her ample breasts
But didn’t see a nipple or two
I often recall that morning
Being a man of simple pleasures
When I got to see her chest
But didn’t glimpse her treasures
SENIOR WINE
Forget the Pinot Grigio and its ilk
And the endless night time wee’s
Would you like anti-diuretic wine?
Then the Pinot More should please
MUSIC TO SOOTHE THE SAVAGE BEAST
The shepherd lad called shep,
Though that was a Sobriquet,
Watched over his ragged flock
As he sat playing his flageolet
So enchanting was the melody
Played on his small fipple flute
It mesmerised the watching wolf
Making him easier to shoot
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