If you like that one, how about this? This really made me roll on the floor yesterday (or in my bed anyway). I will spare you the story behind it which is also pretty saucy, but it's about a wedding night:
'Modesty forbids me to reveal the secrets of the marriage bed, but nothing could have happened more suitable to my circumstances than that, as above, my husband was so fuddled when he came to bed, that he could not remember in the morning whether he had had any conversation with me or no, and I was obliged to tell him he had, though in reality he had not, that I might be sure he could make no inquiry about anything else.'
So drunk you can't remember that you managed to do it or not?! And that on your wedding night where you are supposed to make sure your wife is a virgin...
Correction, 'had conversation'
That reminds me of a passage in Lost in Austen: not 'the night we kissed', but 'the night we... spoke'. 'Conversation' and the like must have been a regular euphemism.
Imagine it:
hubby: 'Hello my dear, did we have (a good) conversation yesterday or not?'
Moll: 'Yes, my darling, a very long one indeed.'
Modesty forbids her...
I don't know how Dick Turpin is. This is my first Defoe. I was making myself up for difficult, but I was so surprised to see that the language is pretty easy. The spelling, I think, has been updated, though.