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Thread: The charming wizard

  1. #1
    God's love gives me power cute angel's Avatar
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    Smile The charming wizard



    Hello,

    I WROTE THIS poem about the sea during summer holidays hope you'll enjoy it.

    any critics are heighly appreciated,

    NB:this poem is a personification.

    here it is

    ChaRming Wizard


    So beautiful in vision


    Chaining your heart with no reason


    Bewitching your eyes each season



    when you look at him you hear


    Faint whispers yet so near


    Inviting you to join with no fear


    you may laugh coz it's not clear


    Or you may cry and sob a tear



    Because you feel like an elf


    Comparing him to your self



    When you hold his hand


    You feel it warm like the sand


    Of a mysterious witch land



    When you look at his face


    You run towards him in pace


    As if you are in a race



    When you sit by his side


    You feel that you are in a horse ride


    Running freely with a guide



    He is a wizard with a magical stick


    Who turns wool into silk


    And water into sweet milk



    He is a sorcerer with whom


    you can ride a magical broom



    And fly in the milky way


    To other galaxies far away


    Where you can live and stay


    Forever Happy and Gay


    26/6/2009
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    Where there is a will ,there is always a magical way

  2. #2
    Registered User Captain_Kuchiki's Avatar
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    That's a really good poem! I like the ryhme scheme of ABB per verse, and this really does sound like a poem about a wizard. Keep it up!

  3. #3
    King of Dreams MorpheusSandman's Avatar
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    It's as charming as it's title. Here's my advice that I give to almost all new poets; avoid end-rhymes unless you are practicing with a strict form. The reason for avoiding them is because it's too easy to twist lines around that last word rather than developing more important things and they tend to distract from what's being said; especially when the rhythm is off. If you want to practice rhyming it's probably best to work in a form like sonnets which force you to sustain the rhythm as well.

    I'd highly recommend reading the Wikipedia pages on poetry; especially about meter, which is something important to learn if you want to use rhyme effectively. Also, learn about the various forms of "rhyme" or "sound patterns" which are related: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poetry#...n.2C_assonance
    Last edited by MorpheusSandman; 12-20-2009 at 04:23 AM.
    "As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being." --Carl Gustav Jung

    "To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due." --Neil Gaiman; The Sandman Vol. 4: Season of Mists

    "I'm on my way, from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh" --The Proclaimers

  4. #4
    God's love gives me power cute angel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Captain_Kuchiki View Post
    That's a really good poem! I like the ryhme scheme of ABB per verse, and this really does sound like a poem about a wizard. Keep it up!
    Thanks so much
    Where there is a will ,there is always a magical way

  5. #5
    God's love gives me power cute angel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MorpheusSandman View Post
    It's as charming as it's title. Here's my advice that I give to almost all new poets; avoid end-rhymes unless you are practicing with a strict form. The reason for avoiding them is because it's too easy to twist lines around that last word rather than developing more important things and they tend to distract from what's being said; especially when the rhythm is off. If you want to practice rhyming it's probably best to work in a form like sonnets which force you to sustain the rhythm as well.

    I'd highly recommend reading the Wikipedia pages on poetry; especially about meter, which is something important to learn if you want to use rhyme effectively. Also, learn about the various forms of "rhyme" or "sound patterns" which are related: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poetry#...n.2C_assonance
    Thanks a lot for the advice I do really appreciate that and I'll check the link soon.
    Where there is a will ,there is always a magical way

  6. #6
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
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    charming and bringing smile to my face! happy christmas to you!

  7. #7
    God's love gives me power cute angel's Avatar
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    Thanks so much and I'm happier coz it brought the smile to your face
    Where there is a will ,there is always a magical way

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