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Thread: ~Prairie~

  1. #1
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    ~Prairie~

    If you were the prairie
    and I was grass,
    married to your skin,

    mustang and antelope
    would press me into you
    as they run wild over your body,

    the occasional fire,
    born of lightning-gay
    nights of merriment
    would burn me to ashes.

    And though you'd feign sleep
    as your body cooled,
    your smile,

    mottled with my black remains,
    would reveal your desire
    for the Gypsy dust devil seed.
    Last edited by DanBierce; 12-03-2009 at 12:34 PM.
    "People who believe a lot of crap are better off." Charles Bukowski

  2. #2
    Registered User paperleaves's Avatar
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    This is phenomenal.
    "real
    loneliness
    is not
    necessarily
    limited to
    when
    you are
    alone
    "
    -C. Bukowski

  3. #3
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Man, this is phenomenal! (Oh, did paperleaves already use that word?) It's like a wild young colt that has been raring to get of its stall and, soon as it does, to just tears for the horizon!!

    In verse two, line two, wouldn't "may" be better as "might"?

  4. #4
    chercheur ~Sophia~'s Avatar
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    ^^^^ absolutely phenomenal, and somehow very familiar. Have you posted this poem somewhere else? No matter, it's still wonderful!

  5. #5
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    Thanks for the words of praise, guys. I have posted this a few places. I might have even posted it here before, but I did a couple of small edits and wanted to toss it out to some readers again.

    I have been pondering "may" and "might". That is one of the edits I made. I had "would" originally.
    "People who believe a lot of crap are better off." Charles Bukowski

  6. #6
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    OK: I think I'll go back to "would." I think it sounds a little better than "may" or "might." It's more direct, too.

    The last line of this poem doesn't sound as perfect as it could be. I'll probably do something with that, too.
    Last edited by DanBierce; 12-03-2009 at 12:39 PM.
    "People who believe a lot of crap are better off." Charles Bukowski

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