Thursday, August 21st, 2008
1:00 pm - static garbage, the trucks can only salvage
my bones.
white sheets and brown legs, you snored
your way through ecstasy, everything
was
IN ITS RIGHT PLACE
and you missed it.
6 a.m. sneaking through mansions of my desire, starting up my car with no headlights through a dark avenue
writing about your real life helps, they say
but masking your words works better.
it smelled like the basement, a basement that keeps secrets
musty cigarettes, painted canvas, cardboard limbs
I REMEMBER
your lips and your eyes
so delicately unconscious under the haven
of slumber
that you seemed dead.
I've tried to paint it
everynight, in my room. I've tried to claim it
everynight since.
If you could see
where I've been
you would love me.
If you could see more than an ugly face
and frizzy hair
and unkempt nails
you would know somewhere I am beautiful.
I like writing poems that no one should ever read
because I feel like Bukowski
.
women will have playthings, and men, mistresses;
women will moan in fake ecstasy while their cigarettes dangle limply between tanned
hands and manicured fingernails
and the husbands will mow the lawns in tennis shoes and polos
waiting for the moon to rise, beating off in the closet
while their wives grow fat
and ugly and bitter.
and I will sit here with my pillows and books
and paintings and ceramics
and cry
for the rest of my life
pretending that
EVERYTHING IS IN ITS RIGHT PLACE.
this is an old blog entry of mine I just found. fascinating how things never change