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Thread: The Bridge Came Down

  1. #1
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    The Bridge Came Down



    The bridge came down,
    the house fell,
    and the soldiers marched in formation.

    The tourists came
    amid rumours of war.
    The price of everything went up
    but the soldiers continued to march in formation.

    The enemy came,
    even more rapine than advertised,

    and the soldiers fell out of formation.
    Last edited by PrinceMyshkin; 11-15-2009 at 08:17 PM.

  2. #2
    Inexplicably Undiscovered
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    The repeated lines in this piece remind me of marching feet. Is there a specific historical event to which it alludes? If so, please enlighten me, as I had a habit of napping in history class.

  3. #3
    Vincit Qui Se Vincit Virgil's Avatar
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    Smashing good! I just love this. It falls perfectly out of rhythm with these lines:
    The enemy came,
    even more rapine than advertised,
    But that is perfect for the lines. Don't change it, the falling out of rhythm adds content to it.
    LET THERE BE LIGHT

    "Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena

    My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/

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    Registered User indydavid's Avatar
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    Bravo! The marching cadence is so powerful!

  5. #5
    Haribol Acharya blazeofglory's Avatar
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    It is striking and gives the vivid image of the war-ravaged place and the poet thru his simple style has given something with gravity

    “Those who seek to satisfy the mind of man by hampering it with ceremonies and music and affecting charity and devotion have lost their original nature””

    “If water derives lucidity from stillness, how much more the faculties of the mind! The mind of the sage, being in repose, becomes the mirror of the universe, the speculum of all creation.

  6. #6
    feathers firefangled's Avatar
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    This is very intriguing as if speaking more broadly of its elements: house, soldier, war and enemy than one would initially think.

  7. #7
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    I do get the marching effect from the way you repeat the lines. Boots on gravel.

    It is almost like an illusion of a tight outfit but events scatter them to the wind

  8. #8
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AuntShecky View Post
    The repeated lines in this piece remind me of marching feet. Is there a specific historical event to which it alludes? If so, please enlighten me, as I had a habit of napping in history class.
    No, it is my vision of a generic war. Note the minor change in stanza 2.

  9. #9
    Registered User paperleaves's Avatar
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    The last line is a beautiful, haunting image. I love this, Jer, it really takes you to another place when reading it, a place of poverty, loneliness, hunger...for love, warmth, and family...

    love
    paper
    "real
    loneliness
    is not
    necessarily
    limited to
    when
    you are
    alone
    "
    -C. Bukowski

  10. #10
    Ruadh gu brath ampoule's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post


    The bridge came down,
    the house fell,
    and the soldiers marched in formation.

    The tourists came
    amid rumours of war.
    The price of everything went up
    but the soldiers continued to march in formation.

    The enemy came,
    even more rapine than advertised,

    and the soldiers fell out of formation.
    Wow! At first I saw that we can all look good with our presence but when the real job comes things fall apart....but then I saw....we take an eye's right glance as we march through life and when a personal threat comes we fall out and fight....but then I saw that the bridge came down and there is no going back. I could go on and on, you know. Can you tell I might like this?
    I'm in love with The Vinegar Man and Mr. Tanner, but be careful, it could just as easily be you.

    "If you're going to write you better have somewhere to come from." Flannery O'Connor

  11. #11
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
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    Your poem is so good and powerful. Beautiful too, and the beauty of it is almost disturbing, as if such contents should be built with grits only...

  12. #12
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by paperleaves View Post
    The last line is a beautiful, haunting image. I love this, Jer, it really takes you to another place when reading it, a place of poverty, loneliness, hunger...for love, warmth, and family...

    love
    paper
    Thank you so much. You can probably imagine the elation I felt writing it, as if I were one of those optic cables (is that the right phrase) carrying some voice I loved.

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