Funny Statements from Student Papers

[Dodo25]

We once had the task to quote relevant passages of 'Heart of Darkness' and analyze them, i.e. explain how the author uses certain themes / motives to create athmosphere, or point out irony or whatever. We were especially advised to NOT pick out examples of metaphores or similes alone because they wouldn't be 'deep' enough.

Well a classmate of mine produced some hilarious quotes and passages. One was about fish swimming next to the boat. I think it was something like 'fishes swimming like a [insert some long, straight thing]'. And his comments:

'The [long straight thing] is long and straight, so the fishes must have swum in a very straight line indeed.'

These quotes only happen because average students don't care at all about literature and do the homework the period before it is due, while pretending to 'listen' to chemistry or whatever it is.

[hillwalker]

I once took a class of 15-year-olds on a trip around a steelworks in Ebbw Vale in South Wales as we were studying the coal and steel industry.
A few months later in an end of term examination students were asked in one Q to name one thing Ebbw Vale was famous for. One girl wrote 'YOGHURT' (there was indeed a well-known brand of dairy product - unfortunately manufactured by Eden Vale rather than Ebbw Vale).

[Hawkman]

My friends,

Be ye not too scornful of your students! I remember quite clearly in a Geography class very deliberately writing about concubine harvesters in order to annoy my teacher, which at the age of twelve I thought a huge joke. Be warned, sometimes these howlers are acts of rebellion against teachers for whom the student has little respect.

[hack]

"Chaucer was a very saucy rooster."
(aren't you tempted to give partial credit?)

[The Comedian]

Here's a new one

"One thing [Martin Luther] King fought for was peaceful protest".

Ha!

[Tournesol]

Comedian, you're a genius for thinking up this thread!

This is my 8th year of being a high school teacher, believe me, I've read and heard a great many follies!

I remember one quite vividly, in chatting with students on their return from summer holidays, I asked what, if any, literary material had they read.

One girl bravely put her hand up and said, "Miss, I read 'Nothing Much to do'"

My response, "er, don't you mean 'Much Ado About Nothing'?"

"yeah, well, same thing Miss" was her nonchalant response.

Needless to say, I had to contain my laughter in front of the class.

More recent jokes:

'The floor-boards creased under me'
'I breathed a sigh of release'
'William Shakespeare wrote 'The Merchant of Venice in the 1950s' [instead of the 1590s]



Putting the kettle on is mild...this is me at the end of terms

[togre]

This is egg on my face. In a Shakespeare class we were discussing a play--drat! I forget it's name . The portion under discussion was a midnight rendezvous. Guy A lusted after Girl B and contrived to make her owe him--forcing her(w/out physical force) to show up for the tryst against her will. Well, Girl C lusted after Guy A and so Girl B swapped with Girl C. Guy A came, did his thing and left none the wiser.

The discussion was centered on how in the world could you not know the person to whom you were making love?! I wanted to make the point that this wasn't a terribly protracted or romantic event--in fact it was dark and somewhat hurried. I wished to make this point by comparing the event to a bank robbery (the point of comparison being the haste). I tried to do this using turns appropriate for discussing a bank robbery.

However, describing the rendezvous as "a quick in-and-out affair" did not convey this point. The teacher, the class and I were all appalled.

In hindsight, it could have been worse--I could have called it a quick "smash and grab."

[The Comedian]

Be ye not too scornful of your students! I remember quite clearly in a Geography class very deliberately writing about concubine harvesters in order to annoy my teacher, which at the age of twelve I thought a huge joke. Be warned, sometimes these howlers are acts of rebellion against teachers for whom the student has little respect.

Don't worry -- I mock because I love.

[sethyirak_7]

Reading through some papers from my father's theatre class, I came across this gem:

People call Shakespeare the God of poetry. That is because, like God, he killed most of his characters. And God is immortal.

I personally thought it was brilliant. Especially considering the prompt was, "Why do you think Shakespeare's work survived the test of time?"

[Writer10]

I used to be a teacher myself and i know how hilarious their statements become at the end!!
Well its unintentional from their part but its totally funny for us

[logophile]

I once agreed to check spelling and grammar on a friend's first coursework draft. I tried not to be mocking in my corrections but a couple provoked a bit of a giggle:

'He should not have taken victory as a gibbon.'
'The author continues in this manor.'
'At this point I will refer to sauce A'