Is infidelity wrong?

[JBI]

I did, but our resident art expert seems to have reigned in on liberality of late. I will do what I can, of course, but I cannot go view Raphael and glean crumbs from a curator before my proposal deadline (sigh). The life of a cursed writer...

Seriously, it offered me another perspective, seeing its liberating aspects, and it is appreciated, especially for my groping tangents in essay mode.

Feel free to footnote. Seriously though, I think you can find far more radical stuff in contemporary gender theory, and post-structuralist criticism of institutions of marriage in general.

[Shannanigan]

That depends on how you got that permission. I was pretty much TOLD going into my current relationship (which started when I was fifteen) that it was going to be an open relationship. I was very meek and accepted that, but there were always hints. I told him more than once, in roundabout ways, I didn't like it, and I think my attitude and hint dropping should have given it away. Anyway, I grew up eventually and said, 'This can't happen anymore,'

By agreeing to be in that relationship on those terms, you gave that person permission to act as if in an "open" relationship. You agreed to those terms, so technically, he wasn't "cheating," but I'm glad that you did eventually realized that it wasn't for you and spoke up, and even happier that it sounds as if your needs were met. I hope your partner is equally happy to be meeting those needs now .

"Cheat: 1. to decieve by trickery, swindle 2. to act dishonestly. 3. to elude; escape. 4. to be sexually unfaithful"

So, if I give my partner permission to be with other people, I am not being decieved or swindled, he/she is ot acting dishonestly or eluding/escaping me, and I do not consider him/her sexually unfaithful because I gave him/her permission to perform these acts.

Of course, if permission is not clearly given and there is not a mutual acknowledgement and acceptance of the terms of the relationship, then cheating (becoming sexually involved with other people WITHOUT permission) is still, in my opinion, completely wrong.

I wonder what the longest time a marriage has ever lasted after both partners, or one partner has been given the green light?

You'd be very, very surprised. I suggest researching a little into "polyamory".

[wlz]

Dennis BRUTUS!

[BienvenuJDC]

Can infidelity only occur physically?

[wlz]

Is beastiality considered an act of infideltiy? Just last night I saw a man...

[BienvenuJDC]

Is beastiality considered an act of infideltiy? Just last night I saw a man...

In my opinion...THAT without a doubt crosses the line...

[papayahed]

Can infidelity only occur physically?

No. One can become emotionally involved with someone over the internet.

Is beastiality considered an act of infideltiy? Just last night I saw a man...

Only if the man was in a relationship but besides that that's just not right on several levels.

[BienvenuJDC]

No. One can become emotionally involved with someone over the internet.

Yes that is true, but when does a friendship cross the line? We are emotionally involved with people on many different levels.

[papayahed]

Yes that is true, but when does a friendship cross the line? We are emotionally involved with people on many different levels.

I don't know, I think that's for each one of us to decided, deep down we all know if we're doing wrong.

I think if an emotional involvement rivals the emotional relationship between you and a partner or if you are telling stuff to the internet person rather then a partner it's a safe bet there's trouble brewing.

[BienvenuJDC]

I don't know, I think that's for each one of us to decided, deep down we all know if we're doing wrong.

I think if an emotional involvement rivals the emotional relationship between you and a partner or if you are telling stuff to the internet person rather then a partner it's a safe bet there's trouble brewing.

Words to live by...

[Shannanigan]

I don't know, I think that's for each one of us to decided, deep down we all know if we're doing wrong.

If what you mean is that each one of us has our own definitions of both physical and emotional infidelity, then I totally agree with you, which is why I think every serious couple should sit down at some point and talk about what each of them consider infidelity. It's an interesting convo, imo, and you may be suprised to find that you have different definitions of the word.

[optimisticnad]

I'm really encouraged by the outcome of the vote. With all the moral relativism that goes on in today's world, and especially on lit net, I would have thought the outcome would be different.

Agreed.

What bizarre questions we seem to be getting. Remember the incest one?!

Cheating/Infidelity is morally wrong - for all the reasons already given. Welldone! And needless to say disrespectful too. You're not being true to yourself, or to the people you are cheating. Yes yes yes, plenty of heartbreaking scenarios, the 'what ifs' but thats beside the point! My god if we all kept changing our principles everytime the context and situation was a little 'off' we'd be in a far worse place than we already are!

Now I have to go and teach 13 year old about effective informative leaflets!

[applepie]

Can infidelity only occur physically?

Not at all. In some ways it is the mental that is far more damaging. I would be more hurt by my husband being in love with another woman that I would be if he had slept with a prostitute. I think both are immoral and show a level of disrespect, but it would be much easier to forgive something based solely on physical attraction where there was no emotional involvement.

[Scheherazade]

Now I have to go and teach 13 year old about effective informative leaflets!

Trying teaching that to a bunch of 30+ years olds!

I think both are immoral and show a level of disrespect, but it would be much easier to forgive something based solely on physical attraction where there was no emotional involvement.

How very interesting, Meg. For me, it would be just the opposite. Even though I would be devastated equally in both cases, I could try to be understanding if my partner fell in love with someone else and wanted to pursue that relationship. I don't think I would like to stand in the way of their happiness together.

However, if that person risked what we had for a one night stand or for something purely physical (and probably temporary), I don't think I could ever bring myself forgive or respect that person anymore simply because there was no emotional involvement in the second relationship.

I think Shan is very right that we all look at things differently and have different expectations and definitions especially when it comes to relationships.

[applepie]

How very interesting, Meg. For me, it would be just the opposite. Even though I would be devastated equally in both cases, I could try to be understanding if my partner fell in love with someone else and wanted to pursue that relationship. I don't think I would like to stand in the way of their happiness together.

However, if that person risked what we had for a one night stand or for something purely physical (and probably temporary), I don't think I could ever bring myself forgive or respect that person anymore simply because there was no emotional involvemeent in the second relationship.

I think part of it came from the military lifestyle. I spent seven years as a Navy spouse. During the time, I saw (well rather heard of later) many MANY men have one night stands in port when they were gone for six months at a time. I guess you get sort of conditioned into it being a possibility and it created a certain amount of disregard for it. Keeping that in mind however, I would be less forgiving now without the long separations. We've been out for going on two years, and if he were to have a one night stand I would be less likely to forgive it.