21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 38
Ring-a-Ring o'Rosies
A Pocket full of Posies
"Pig flu! Pig flu!"
We all take a sickie!
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 39
For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe the horse was lost.
For want of a horse the rider was lost.
For want of a rider the battle was lost.
For want of a horseshoe nail oh what tosh.
Ill equipped and poorly lead is why they lost
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 40
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candlestick
But Jack should have jumped higher
Because he’s set his balls on fire
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 41
Twinkle, twinkle little star
Are the services very far?
Oh I really hope they are
Or I will Tinkle, Tinkle in the car
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 42
Mary was a little flirt
Men followed her like sheep
But though she liked the attention
She fancied little bo peep
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 43
Yan, tan, tethera, pethera, pimp.
They’ll not miss the one with a limp
Sethera, methera, hovera, covera, dik,
Lets just kill it nice and quick
We’ve counted all the masters sheep
Let’s have lamb stew before we sleep
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 44
Hickory, dickory, dock
Some mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one,
When the pendulum swung
Hickory, dickory, dock
Hickory, dickory, dock
The mice looked on in shock
Seeing the stricken one
Fall all the way to the ground
Hickory, dickory, dock
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 45
Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he;
He called for his pint in the middle of the day
And he called for his cronies three.
Every crony had a fresh bottle,
And a very fine bottle had he;
Oh there's none so pissed as can compare
With King Cole and his cronies three.
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 46
Red sky at night,
Arsonist’s delight;
Red sky at morning,
Four minute warning.
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 47
Baa, baa black sheep, have you any wool?
No sir, No sir, we don’t have any wool!
Are you a nutter? Are you insane?
This is the butchers the wool shop‘s down the lane.
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 48
Hot cross buns! Hot cross buns!
One a penny two a penny - Hot cross buns
Isn’t that buy one get one free? Or are they two for ones?
Not one a penny two a penny - Hot cross buns
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 49
The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat,
Though they were jolly, their expedition was folly
And the coast guard sent a life boat
So when the Owl and the Pussycat went to sea
Safely ashore we were able to see
Because the couples distress, the whole sorry mess
Was filmed by the BBC
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 50
Diddle, diddle, dumpling, my son John,
Went to bed with his trousers on;
One shoe off, and one shoe on,
He was completely **** faced my son John!
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 51
The worms crawl in the worms crawl out,
They crawled in thin and crawl out stout
And when they’re so fat they cannot crawl
The birds come down and eat them all
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 52
I'm bringing home my baby bumble bee
Won’t my Mommy be so proud of me
But my baby bumble bee went and stung me
So I stomped on that bastard bumble bee
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 53
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
The people behind could see nothing at all
They asked him to move but he wouldn’t do that
So they pushed him off and he went splat
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 54
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating his Christmas pie
He stuck in his thumb
After scratching his bum
Then offered to share his pie.
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 55
One, two, three, four, five.
Once I caught a fish alive,
Now you don’t see that every day
Not on the Thames anyway
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 56
Little Tommy Tucker sings for his supper,
What shall we do for him? He’s a bit of a nutter
And he can’t sing a note every one knows
So we’ll audition him on one of Simons shows
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 57
The Grand old Duke of York he had ten thousand men
He marched them up to the top of the hill
And he marched them down again.
This upset the lads, who thought the Duke mad
So in order to stop him, they had to top him
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 58
Horsey, horsey don't you stop
Just let your feet go clippetty clop
Make the whip swish close up the ground
Win the race or your dog food bound
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 59
Hark, hark my dogs do bark
All day walking round the town
My plates of meat, my aching feet
I just want a nice sit down
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 60
Hark, hark the dogs do bark
The chavs are coming to town
Some with piercings and some with tats
And one in a designer gown
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 61
Here's the church, and here's the steeple
Open the door and see all the people.
No it’s not a church anymore you see
But another place to drink coffee
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 62
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt,
My name is that name now
Whenever I go out,
The people will always shout,
There goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.
(I’m John Smith really but I’ll never be a super star named John Smith)
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 63
Rain, rain go away,
You’re ruining my holiday
I wait all year to come away
Rain, rain, go to Spain,
Don’t come back to Wales again
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 64
There was a crooked man and he walked a crooked mile,
Well that’s not strictly true he travelled there in style
After all what is the point of being a crooked man
If you can’t live it good and large when you can
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 65
Mary had a woolly lamb
Who ran away from her
It was struck by lightning
And its now just polyester
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 66
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was black as night
But it’s not PC to call it black
So she calls it dirty white
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 67
Jack and Jill went up the hill
They planned to do some snogging
But jack tried to get in her pants
So she whacked him on the noggin
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 68
Ding dong bell
Pussy's in the well
And that’s where it’s staying
Until it learns not to piss in my garden
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 69
Jack ate all the lean,
Joan ate all the fat.
They left the platter so clean,
There was nothing for the cat
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 70
Half a pound of tuppenny rice,
Half a pound of treacle.
This will never make a bomb
Not even if you added diesel
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 71
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candlestick
But someone lit the candlestick
And poor old Jack burnt his wick
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 72
Ladybird, ladybird fly away home,
Or soon our own species will be gone
Fly back across the sea so blue
And take your extra spots with you
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 73
Little Tommy Tucker sings for his suppers,
Because he is so down on his uppers
But he doesn’t get much out of it
Because his singing is really ****
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 74
"Pussycat, pussycat, where have you been?
Have you been up to London to visit the Queen?"
“No I haven’t, didn’t you hear my meow?
I’ve been locked in the garage you silly cow”
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 75
Half a pound of tuppenny rice,
Half a pound of treacle.
This internet bomb making site
Really is a load of ****e
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