What other people think

[blazeofglory]

"I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."
-Kurt Cobain-
"Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are"
-Kurt Cobain-

These are Quotes that I adore and I think express my feelings towards this topic. Also, Nirvana is an amazing band.

These are really interesting quotes. I too like this idea. To be myself, and not what others want me to be or at times if others praise me for what I am not I feel really humiliated.

[Apathy]

Of course these thoughts give something intellectual gratification, and in fact we must see how we are learning through others' comments. If we are intimidated by the idea that others may criticize and it is better to keep quiet we will never learn anything in life. For if we read what opinions others have about us we can correct ourselves. You cannot see your face, and you have to look at yourself in the mirror. Or others have to say about your face. In the same way until and unless others say something about you or point out your mistakes you can hardly learn. And this is how a poet can refine the art of versification. It is the liking of the reader a poem is good or bad. Today almost all novels are reader-centric or books are written mostly taking into consideration of the interests of the reader.

When you look in a mirror, it is completely different to listening what others say about your face.
If others think you are ugly, and you like what you see when you look in a mirror, then are you going to change to make them happy?
If you are happy withwho you are, you can still listen to what others think but what you think is the important part.
"Before I can live with others, I have to live with myself."
-Harper Lee(To Kill A Mockingbird)-

[blazeofglory]

When you look in a mirror, it is completely different to listening what others say about your face.
If others think you are ugly, and you like what you see when you look in a mirror, then are you going to change to make them happy?
If you are happy withwho you are, you can still listen to what others think but what you think is the important part.
"Before I can live with others, I have to live with myself."
-Harper Lee(To Kill A Mockingbird)-

I agree and that is exactly how I want to live in life in point of fact, for I can be happy if I do what I think best not what others want me to do.

But we live in society and there fare family, friends, relatives,neighbors and the like. There are commonly accepted values, systems, codes of conducts, manners and mores in point of fact. I cannot ignore them and as ling as I am in society I will have to listen to what they say.

This is indeed against individualism and this is more manifest in a communist society. You may disagree with me.

[Apathy]

I agree and that is exactly how I want to live in life in point of fact, for I can be happy if I do what I think best not what others want me to do.

But we live in society and there fare family, friends, relatives,neighbors and the like. There are commonly accepted values, systems, codes of conducts, manners and mores in point of fact. I cannot ignore them and as ling as I am in society I will have to listen to what they say.

This is indeed against individualism and this is more manifest in a communist society. You may disagree with me.

I agree, the absence of these norms is known as Anomie and I live my life with A&A= Apathy and Anomie

[caddy_caddy]

When you look in a mirror, it is completely different to listening what others say about your face.
If others think you are ugly, and you like what you see when you look in a mirror, then are you going to change to make them happy?
If you are happy withwho you are, you can still listen to what others think but what you think is the important part.
"Before I can live with others, I have to live with myself."

Apathy , when we say we care what the others do think of us, it doesn't mean we are going to change according to what they think. No one said that .Moreover , i don't think those people would respect you if you are going to change who u really are to please them .
The other might be my mirror and sometimes he can see what I can't see in myself .

[Apathy]

The other might be my mirror and sometimes he can see what I can't see in myself .

That's a good point, but I find that with a substantial and prolonged lack of friends, you attain an awesome awareness of self. I am not saying you should pursue this miserable state but if you are unfortunate enough, well...

[soundofmusic]

That's a good point, but I find that with a substantial and prolonged lack of friends, you attain an awesome awareness of self. I am not saying you should pursue this miserable state but if you are unfortunate enough, well...

I applaud that you are brave enough to be who you are. So many people go through their whole lives putting on a facade with their work clothes, another with their friends and another with their loved ones. Only in those few frightful moments before sleep; or in dreams, do we face ourselves.

[The Comedian]

I applaud that you are brave enough to be who you are. So many people go through their whole lives putting on a facade with their work clothes, another with their friends and another with their loved ones. Only in those few frightful moments before sleep; or in dreams, do we face ourselves.

Really? I find it rather difficult to not be who I am, regardless of the clothes I put on or the friends whose company I keep. I'm a lot of things: working professional, father, friend, brother, drinker of beer, writer. In each one of these roles, I am slightly different, a part of me shines more brightly or is more useful than other parts, but nonetheless, I am always who I am.

I've long thought that asking someone who he or she really is is akin to asking a rainbow what it's true color is.

[blazeofglory]

We We really could be happier if we do what we think best, or something that pops up within us but our actions, behaviors, works, ambitions, the directions we take are all guided by what others think

[glover7]

Really? I find it rather difficult to not be who I am, regardless of the clothes I put on or the friends whose company I keep. I'm a lot of things: working professional, father, friend, brother, drinker of beer, writer. In each one of these roles, I am slightly different, a part of me shines more brightly or is more useful than other parts, but nonetheless, I am always who I am.

This. What people tend to ignore is the multifaceted identity. Certain of my qualities among some friends are not appreciated by, say, my parents, so those specific qualities tend to quashed in favor of others.

And, Apathy, for someone who claims not to care what other people think, you certainly do quote a lot of other people

[soundofmusic]

Really? I find it rather difficult to not be who I am, regardless of the clothes I put on or the friends whose company I keep. I'm a lot of things: working professional, father, friend, brother, drinker of beer, writer. In each one of these roles, I am slightly different, a part of me shines more brightly or is more useful than other parts, but nonetheless, I am always who I am.

I've long thought that asking someone who he or she really is is akin to asking a rainbow what it's true color is.

Excellent point! Don't you find, though, that the father role is at polar opposites to the drinker of beer? I find that the mother in me is very prudish and the friend is a very liberal thinker!

This. What people tend to ignore is the multifaceted identity. Certain of my qualities among some friends are not appreciated by, say, my parents, so those specific qualities tend to quashed in favor of others

Yes, I find that also; though I find that the unappreciated qualities can only be quashed so long. What was it Oscar Wilde and Ben Franklin and a number of other people have said: The only way to overcome a temptation is to indulge it...mind you I am not promoting the idea

[blazeofglory]

Our sources of energies dry up if we become too much obsessed with the rest of the world opine about us and this too much concernedness about others breeds arrogance and we are supercilious thinking about others’ opinions and this mars our sense of individuality in point of fact

[subterranean]

I do not post just to try to gain approval or for the sake of seeking positive feedback, but more out of simple curiosity to see what others will say, but that is not quite the same as caring about what they say, at least not in a personal way. I am intellectually interested in the thoughts of others. But their thoughts good or bad will not have an affect upon me in my personal life.

Note: emphasize added.

Now that you mentioned about 'personal life', I come to think I tend to apply such thought (gain people's approval) differently in different aspects. For example, work wise, of course my goal is to seek the outcome from my boss based on the objectives given to me. What s/he thought about my performance matters to me. But I won't seek her/his approval on things that don't relate to my professional performance. Understand that professional demands might changed (and perhaps have changed) me as a person, but they are not always end up as bad things.

[blazeofglory]

In fact I am ashamed to express here that I am not behaving the way I should do; I am not what I am and all my, if not all, most of my actions are shaped by what others want me to do; all are there staging there incessantly engaged in shaping the course of life I should take; my parents stuffing my mind with their nonsensical ideas and ideologies conditioning my mind all the time, for I have to obey for we have a contractual agreement between us; my societies, my relatives, teachers, Gurus, books, the friends on different forums want me to behave in a funnily different way than I actually would want. Imagine how much-hard-pressed I am. Can I behave or be what I want to?

[PierreGringoire]

Of course we all are too much obsessed with what others will think about us and at times I feel all we do are instigated by others or that we are too much obsessed with others' business more than our own.

When we get too muchness about others reaction to what we do or behave we feel too much pressured.

Therein exactly where problems lie when we kind of totally become totally fixated by others' reactions or thoughts about what we do.

That is exactly from where problems start.

Let us live on our own unthinking about what the rest think about us.

In fact no one is perfect and unblemished, and no human' corpus is totally clean of incompleteness or flaws. It is the cover or the outer paint that gives the idea of completeness or perfection.

Nice post. Easier said than done. I am always obsessed with what others think about me--and I find that being obsessed makes life more fun and interesting. When you are always anticipating what others are thinking about you. 75% of the time you are wrong. But the very few times that you are right, you feel glorified that for just one fleeting moment, you may be on the exact same train of thought. And it makes you feel a little less alone...

To Dark Muse~ "Who cares what others think about me" sentiment:

You shouldn't care. That doesn't mean you are a misanthrope. At least not to its extreme I hope to god. If it had "hurt" their feelings. Should you care? You are not obligated to care. Perhaps its ineffecient and cumbersome to care. And perhaps its retarted not to care. Who knows when you'll be needing that person? Or who knows what close friends that person has in common with you. Perhaps someone you have chosen to care about will be indirectly affected by a fractional amount.

Should you care? It shouldn't stick with you, like guilt, if that is what you mean. Unless you use the guilt to maximize the benefits of whatever philosophy or way of life you abide in.