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Thread: Rhyming Help please!!!! :)

  1. #1

    Smile Rhyming Help please!!!! :)

    Born a baby - so lean and white
    Gray eyes, Rosy cheeks - a delicious sight!

    mama's princess,Dady's doll
    The cutest cry-baby of all!

    Lean baby turned into a plumpy girl
    Silky hair gave way to a delicate curl!

    It was time to start her formal education
    "Kid's Corner" came as a final solution!

    There she learned her first A B C
    And Nursury Rhymes, she sang with glee!

    But even the whole batch of "Kid's Corner"
    Wasn't much of a help, to our little Loner!

    While Kids read and wrote in school
    She splashed about in swimming pool!

    When came time for the Kids to play
    She would go to her teacher and say,

    To teach her to draw, read and write
    And then worked with all her might!

    More Years went by, the little girl grew
    Her gray eyes now brown, she's slimmer too!

    Her circle of friends never increased than THREE
    But she was as content as she could be!

    They laugh and cry and fight together
    But stick along in all kinds of weather!

    Always to Love and care for her
    Was ready the younger or elder sister!

    They love, play and fight each other,
    But she loved best, her little brother!

    Her little brother she loved the best
    Kept loving him and forgot the rest!

    Her world started and ended in home,
    Even now she was a lonely gnome!

    She did her o'levels in 2006, June
    Now other priorities came in tune!

    A decision that changed all her life
    She was told she'd soon become a "Wife" !

    It took a little time to accept the decision
    And rest of the time, to adjust the vision!

    As the time has come for her to be a Bride
    And enter fully blessed, in the world so wide!

    But not alone would she be, in the "Universal Room"
    She'd be accompanied by her loyal GRoom!

    I wish the couple loads of smiles
    My prayers would go with them 'cross miles!

    Now she'll make a world of her own
    How sweet how my li'l sis has grown!

    I'm proud of you and i love u so
    My love for you will always grow!

    Never reckoned how quickly passed the time
    And here i'm writing you a piece of rhyme

    To accompany you wherever you go
    And remind you, YOUR FAMILY LOVES YOU SO !!!




    So this is a Poem for a girl I LOVE and she got married and her sister wrote this poem for her and now her Bday is coming up in September 25th and i want to add to this poem about how i love her and too bad she is taken and she just had a baby too and i will love her till the day i die and she loved me as well but then she got pregnant and now we dont talk but we still have the love for each other.

    Toboe has helped me out this much but I need some more please
    Winds of life have blown us apart
    but you're still the one who has my heart

    so I'll wish you luck in all you do
    hoping that your dreams come true

    but if they all come crashing down
    I'll be the one who's still around

    On this day, celebration
    all for you adulation

    May fate's wind blow fair for you
    and bring happy days your whole life through.


    Just something quick I came up with just now,lol
    Tell me what you think Best of luck
    Toboe

    i got these lines just trying to make sense of them lol just putting them in to a rhyming flow. got any ideas ???

    Yes! Thoughts of the beloved came to me at night and kept me awake in the rain.
    And love transforms to pleasure then into pain
    Love has ingrained two lines of fear, and withered your face.
    On your cheeks like yellow rose and the reddish tree.
    That tears mixed with blood are flowing (from your eyes).
    Or it is the lightning struck in the darkness of the dark night
    What has happened to your eyes, (the more) you tell them to stop, the more they continue flowing.
    What is the matter with your heart,
    (the more) you tell it to come to its senses, (the more it is distracted).
    Does the lover think that his love can be concealed.
    While his eyes are shedding tears and his heart is glowing.
    Had it not been for the love, you would not have shed tears
    You have left me alone in the desert like a fish away from water
    You have taken my heart like a candy thief

  2. #2
    Bibliophile JBI's Avatar
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    Generally, unless one really knows what they are doing, which you, it would seem, do not, one would want to keep the lengths with a coherent length and pattern, as to make the rhyming couplets feel like couplets, not just flat lines.

    The rhymes aren't subtle, but they aren't real rhymes - sticking two words that rhyme at the end of completely different lengthed lines doesn't constitute a real rhyme - you need a sort of skeleton to make sure the pattern of reading and pronunciation actually constitutes a metrical association between the two words, otherwise the whole thing looks tacky.

    That's why, generally, one would use metre with couplets. During the 18th century, for instance, the couplet became a sort of art form, with the iambic pentameter couplet taking over - now a days, most people don't write couplets, unless being ironic, but there still needs to be at least a ghost of a metric force behind them, otherwise the rhymes feel unnatural. The same goes with alternating rhymes (abab) and envelope rhymes (abba) as well as most forms of rhyming.

    It is possible to adjust the line lengths, but even that takes some planning - Wordsworth, for instance, plays heavily with that in his Ode, but even so, the iambic reinforcment, and the natural sound of the words works to create a sense of order within the line lengths - these just appear as stuck together words.

    Beyond that though, lets say you just had a kid, would you really want to receive that poem? Don't you think that is a tad bit selfish on your part?

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