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Thread: The Moo-Moo Effect

  1. #1
    Original Poster Buh4Bee's Avatar
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    The Moo-Moo Effect

    The Moo-Moo Effect

    I dare say to omit the details of this morning, but only to hint at such an impropriety.
    Spore has planted his legend on my hips and other similar regional areas.
    I stand there in my closet and wonder what has happened.
    The cat’s tail blows in the wind and the bells chime in the breeze.
    So this is life’s evolution?

    I look at this fitted dress and that flowing piece and utter, “Oy!”
    I sit on the bed and pet the dog and wonder what to do.
    The birds sing and the sun shines on us.
    And I wonder what to do.
    Scandalous as it may be, I am tempted to parade down the street in my undergarments.
    Isn’t it only natural to disgust the entire neighborhood,
    Especially when you feel so yourself?

    This is it, there is no other choice, but to embrace the bohemian look.
    It’s fine when you have nothing to hide, but now, it’s not much fun!
    My dear little Spore, I am content to wear a moo-moo for you,
    But I warn you, I will remind you of these days.
    This is the moo-moo effect on your mother.
    You have turned her into a true heffer.

  2. #2
    Vincit Qui Se Vincit Virgil's Avatar
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    Hahaha, very good Jersea. I like it. I did think this was a little awkward: "I dare say to omit the details of this morning." But the rest was smooth and imaginative. This part was really engaing:
    I look at this fitted dress and that flowing piece and utter, “Oy!”
    I sit on the bed and pet the dog and wonder what to do.
    The birds sing and the sun shines on us.
    And I wonder what to do.
    LET THERE BE LIGHT

    "Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena

    My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/

  3. #3
    Original Poster Buh4Bee's Avatar
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    The first line: I was trying to be more genteel, but it is not as natural for me as writing like a crude truck driver. I need to practice this style more to improve my writing.

    Glad you like it!

  4. #4
    My mind's in rags breathtest's Avatar
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    I need to practice this style more to improve my writing.

    But this style definitely suits you. Except for that line pointed out by virgil, which can be easily changed as it is a very good idea for an opening line, this is brilliant and flowing and i could definitely read more poems in this style, hint hint nudge nudge.
    Last edited by breathtest; 07-30-2009 at 11:41 AM.
    'For sale: baby shoes, never worn'. Hemingway

  5. #5
    solid motherhubbard's Avatar
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    I knew just where this was going. I had some overalls that made me look like Tweedledum.




    I used to spend long moments in front of the mirror admiring my great full moon tummy! I loved being pregnant.

  6. #6
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Personally I quite like that very long, casual opening line - sort of as if your alleged crude truck-driver persona were saying Eff the rules of effing poetry! This is how I effing want to begin... and after that the rest of the poem has a nice fluid conversational diction.

    Since a heifer is "a cow that has not borne a calf, or has borne only one calf..." I guess you must mean it as in the 2nd half of this definition.

  7. #7
    in a blue moon amuse's Avatar
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    Oh, I loved it! At the end, realizing what it was about, I had to reread it again so as to appreciate the surprise meaning that had snuck up on me. Very clever, and witty. Mumu - hah!
    shh!!!
    the air and water have been here a long time, and they are telling stories.

  8. #8
    Original Poster Buh4Bee's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the great feedback. I'm not sure what to do about that first line. I have to think about it a little more. There is only a little blood in my head!

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