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Thread: Hell

  1. #1
    in a blue moon amuse's Avatar
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    Hell

    his bottle - where is it - my phone -
    where is it?
    my heart -
    why can't it
    slow down
    so i can
    breathe

    my eyes are in the
    next room,
    he is laughing
    because
    we are going
    outside.

    there is nothing
    there
    i run up
    stairs
    confused
    perhaps
    i'm in shock

    who
    would do something
    so
    stupid as that

    he laughs and laughs
    as i hold him
    tighter

    and i turn off
    the fan
    we go
    back
    out

    the marbled
    stoop
    is cool,
    and nothing looks
    wrong
    but i can't stop
    shaking-

    holding him
    tightly
    but not so
    that he
    knows i'm terrified.

    for the only
    light shines
    from his eyes
    (and oh, the sun),
    so perhaps i should
    be calm

    ??maybe i will
    be again
    one day but
    right now the smell

    of burning
    wood
    is the only
    only command
    i know.
    Last edited by amuse; 07-24-2009 at 11:02 AM.
    shh!!!
    the air and water have been here a long time, and they are telling stories.

  2. #2
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    There is something about these well-managed short lines that so effectively underlines the terror of this experience. I wish I had better inferred the relationship between the persona and the others mentioned.

  3. #3
    in a blue moon amuse's Avatar
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    Thank you, PrinceMyshkin.

    I babysit a lovely little 7-month old...maybe I should have added something to clarify at the end, like how I can't imagine how I'd have felt if I'd been his mom; I've never experienced something so horrific before and he's not even mine.
    shh!!!
    the air and water have been here a long time, and they are telling stories.

  4. #4
    All are at the crossroads qimissung's Avatar
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    No, I like it just as it is. You have captured well the horror of being a mother.
    "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its' own reason for existing." ~ Albert Einstein
    "Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Bonzai
    "Some people say I done alright for a girl." Melanie Safka

  5. #5
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by amuse View Post
    Thank you, PrinceMyshkin.

    I babysit a lovely little 7-month old...maybe I should have added something to clarify at the end, like how I can't imagine how I'd have felt if I'd been his mom; I've never experienced something so horrific before and he's not even mine.
    God bless that 7-month old and all 6- 8- 9-months olds, and God (or whomever) has already blessed you by placing that child in the safety of your arms and within easy reach of your loving heart!

    And note that since qimmisung understood it as it stands, rather than changing the poem you might look for a way to change me from having been and still being a loving father, to a loving mother.

  6. #6
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Having had three kids of my own, I can totally relate to these little frightmares!
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  7. #7
    feathers firefangled's Avatar
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    I loved this the way it is. I had a slight misunderstanding as well. until you explained it was one child, I had the idea it was more.

    In the end it is a testament to the way one child can seem like more than two arms can hold and one mind can anticipate.

    Mine are grown and there is still some of that going on.

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