The evening is spread out
against the sky.
But they sky is empty,
except the birds
that catch my eye.
Our life, it is spread out
against the sky.
But this is where wings
of certain death
will go to die.
Okay, so I know that it's not the best etiquette in the world so stomp into a forum and start a new thread before posting but I need to change the first line of the second stanza. I like this poem but that line is weak. Does anyone have any suggestions? I have spent hours trying to figure out this line and I'm stuck and at this point when I look at this poem I just get frustrated. Any feedback about other parts of the poem would be great. And thanks for reading my rant.