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Thread: Autopilot (Please give feedback) :)

  1. #1
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    Post Autopilot (Please give feedback) :)

    AUTOPILOT We don't know how unhappy we are until we get a glimpse of happiness that goes away before we can grasp it,
    Andy lies in bed awake with a pillow curled around his neck covering his eyes, Faint shouting can be hear coming through under his bedroom door, ''Fine ! if thats what you want I can find someone a hundred times better than you,'' shouts a female voice ''Well good luck on that then darling'', replies a male voice,

    Andy watches his alarm clock silently, 7:29 and with a click it rolls over to 7:30 and with a loud beep Andy rises from his bed and walks to the door, In the hallway stands Katy his roommate shes stands at her bedroom door looking in at her boyfriend David who also lives with them,

    Katy crying at the top of her voice ''IM TO GOOD FOR A LOW LIFE SCUM BAG LIKE YOU !!'' she
    sees Andy walking down the hallway towards them with his head down trying not to listen in,
    Katy looks at him with a big smile and says ''Morning!'' in a friendly way and gives a little wave,

    Andy as he walks past ''Morning'' Return the smile, She turns back to her boyfriend ''**** YOU !'' he locks the door to the bathroom behind him, He quickly washes and brushes his teeth as he always does, He walks out the bathroom to silence,,, No shouting just Katy an David standing in the hallway hugging ''I'm sorry baby I love you, you know that,'' Says David
    kissing Katy's head, ''I love you too'' says Katy as she plants a kiss on Davids lips,

    Andy tries to get past them but they block his way, ''erm ,,, can I ,,''says Andy quietly,
    ''Oh sorry mate ha ha'' As David moves,

    Andy gets changed into his black trousers,White shirt,And red tie then walks downstairs into the kitchen, He reaches into the cupboard for a box of cereal he pulls down his usual box of cornflakes which are empty only a few broken pieces at the bottom,

    Andy walks into the living room where David is sitting watching TV with Katy cuddled up to him, ''Did you eat my cornflakes?'' Andy says holding up the empty box,

    ''Huh ?'' David replies still watching the TV, Andy now sighing ''My cereal you know my cornflakes,''. David now putting a finger up waiting for the advert to end ''Yeah ,, erm sorry I'll get you some more later,'', Andy now tired ''No no,,its ok I'll get some on my way home, just ask me next time ok,''.

    David half watching TV still ''Uh huh,'' Andy puts his shoes on and heads out the door,




    (Part two coming up shortly)

    Please note I done this is one go and I'm also writing the script for it at the same time so I didn't pay much attention to detail but this is very similar if not exact to the script,

    Part two will be when he meets her and will be more about his day ect, ENJOY !
    Last edited by sc9108; 06-16-2009 at 05:22 PM.

  2. #2
    Registered User Lettersndnumbrs's Avatar
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    i very much like this story. Its very cute and quite creative at the same time. Good job, can't wait to read it.

  3. #3
    Registered User krispykritta's Avatar
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    it sounds interesting, i would read it

  4. #4
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    Thank guys :] I'm going to write it as a script for college, I'll be filming by september so I'll tell you when its done, It will be better filmed rather than a book its quite dismal so its hard to catch that in writing,

  5. #5
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    ''Moved it to the top''
    Last edited by sc9108; 06-16-2009 at 05:22 PM. Reason: ignore

  6. #6
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    No readers ? 

  7. #7
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    Working on finalizing the script now ! gonna be handing this to my teacher and hopefully be filming it later this year !,

    Quite exciting I think it'll look nice filmed,

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