Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[Sancho]

i have stopped reading at this point but I am hoping you also mentioned rushing back home to take pictures of your poor hand and post them on the net for everyone to see!

Hey, who let the innie in? Bloke's have outies. Don't they?

But, good point, Scher. Misogyny lurks around every corner of the language, especially in dusty old cliches.

So how about:

Screamed like a banshee - hmm, naw, it changes the whole idea
Screamed like a screaming mimi, uhh, somehow seems redundant

Squealed like piggy - nah, that one gives me a picture of Ned Beatty up on the Chattahoochee <shudder>

Ran like a river - too artsy-farsty
Ran like a bad dye job - doesn't quite get at it

Shook like a dog sh*ttin peach pits - that one makes me laugh, but it's not really what I was doing

Hey, we should do a simile thread. It'd be fun.

Tossed and turned like a crack baby

Sweated like the crack between a fat man's butt cheeks

Giggled like a...

Shook like a...

Danced like a...

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

...Unfortunate hand:

For some odd reason, this ^ hand reminds me of Glenn Langan in The Amazing Colossal Man
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgpv7_4uonQ

Catch the line at about 0:57

[Sancho]

Haha.

Don't LOOK at me. I'm hideous. Arrggg!

No biggie really. I get swarmed by 'jackets every couple of years. Goes with the territory. We'd just gotten to talking about yellow jackets on these forums a few years back as part of a discussion of Flannery O'Conner's novel, Wise Blood, so I decided to demonstrate. Anyway, that was a single sting. I got stung by around 25 of the little bastards once when I climbed down into an old junker car that was up on its side out in the woods. It took me a while to extricate myself from the vehicle, and then I ran for miles and miles, until I got to the river. The cool water felt pretty good. There was a guy a few years back in my neighborhood they found lying dead next to his lawn mower. I don't think they ever got a definitive answer on the cause of his death, but the speculation was pretty strong that it was a single yellow jacket sting to the temple.

[The Atheist]

Sounds nasty, Sancho!

Just popped in briefly, so Jynnan Tonnyx all round, unless anyone feels like a Ouisghian Zodah.

[Sancho]

Haha!

Welcome back, A'

I'll have a Jack...ahem...John Daniels. When you've known him as long as I have, you can call him John, perhaps even Jim...Jimmy...Jimbo.

Okay, I ripped off that idea from Scent of a Woman.

[The Atheist]

Y'ever notice that booze always has really "blokey" names?

Johnny, Jack, Beefeater, Gordon's.. oh wait, then there's Canadian Club. Scratch that idea.

[Sancho]

Good point, A'. Around here we drink Wayne's Whiskey. You see, Wayne is the bloke who lives next door, and Wayne has a still in his barn. I sh*t you not.

In defense of the manliness of Canadian Club, I seem to remember a little number by Jake and Elwood:

I Don't Know, The Blues Brothers

http://youtu.be/XBUBs4HRcSY

I said, Baby
You know when you bend over I see every bit of Christmas
And when you bend back I'm looking right into the New Year

She said, Honey
You know I gave up cigarettes for my new year's resolution
But I didn't give up smoking

I said, Woman
You going to walk a mile for a Camel
Or are you going to make like Mr Chesterfield and satisfy?

She said
That all depends on what your packing
Regular or Kingsize

Then she pulled out my Jim Beam, and to her surprise
It was every bit as hard as my Canadian Club

I said
Now what you got to say - Baaay-bee?

She said
Umm...

I'm pretty sure I'm getting the metaphor.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Y'ever notice that booze always has really "blokey" names?

Johnny, Jack, Beefeater, Gordon's.. oh wait, then there's Canadian Club. Scratch that idea.

Or nicknames such as "night train", "mad dog", "thunderbird".
Here's a couple more from my bountiful harvest courtesy of my brother in law:




The corn and pumpkin were added for autumnal effect.

Say, there's a couple more blokey nicknames; "bitburger" and "rare breed"

[Sancho]

Here's a manly drink:

You see that huge growth underneath that cow? You squeeze it and I'll drink what comes out of it.

That right there is a manly drink.

[MANICHAEAN]

A belated Happy Birthday Gilliatt and I see what you meam about the liquid refreshments.
Never had Wild Turkey Rare Breed with a pumpkin, sweetcorn side dish. Bet your a Southern Boy.
Am hunkered down here now with Knob Creek drinking your health.
Best regards
M.

[qimissung]

Yep, that'd'a been an manlier option than the one I chose, which was to scream like a girl and run across the pasture shucking and jiving and whirling my t-shirt over my head like a helicopter. It's what I've always done in that situation. That black and white, spotted fellow in the picture came up with a doggie version of the same thing.

Ouch, Sancho! Even though this was a while back, may I offer my sincere condolences? And also point out that at least you were living up to your stated whereabouts-running amok, which is, yellow jackets notwithstanding, pretty fabulous.

Gilliatt, happy belated birthday.

Manachaean, I hope you survive this typhoon also!

And Paul, I hope your family had a fine time gallivanting all around the world and that your all back in you're respective homes and healthy soon!

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Here's a manly drink:

You see that huge growth underneath that cow? You squeeze it and I'll drink what comes out of it.

That right there is a manly drink.

Sancho,
It seems you were trying to post a picture, for some reason I'm not seeing it here in Texas.
Boy, sometimes this picture posting business can drive folks to udder frustration.

A belated Happy Birthday Gilliatt...Best regards
M.

...Gilliatt, happy belated birthday....

thanks and thanks

[Sancho]

Howdy Gill,

Nah, I was thinking of something udder than posting a picture.

What I was really doing was ripping off a bit by Bill Dance. Yes, I'm guilty of watching fishing shows on TV from time to time. Anyway, in one episode Bill and some dude were sitting in a boat, fishing, and they got to talking about bravery. The other guy said he thought astronauts were brave. Bill said he supposed astronauts were probably sort of brave, but then they had all of those NASA scientists behind them. Bill said he thought true bravery was the first guy to drink cow's milk - See that huge growth underneath that cow...

Anyway, it went something like that.

[Sancho]

Thanks Qimi,

Perhaps I should change it to: "running amok and screaming like a girl"

[Sancho]

Man-o-man that dancing banana is getting annoying, eh?