'Immmortal Blue Fire'

[Midnight_Star]

The weeping girl sat down next to the 'Immortal Blue Fire'; she looked up, the snow hadn't subsided. She wrapped her ripped kimono over her shoulders tighter. The weeping girl felt somebody's warm, comforting arm wrap around her shoulders and pulled her close to himself, and rested her head on her shoulder. "Come, I will show you a world of only comfort and love. Come with me." The weeping girl nodded her head. "Close your eyes my dear girl." She closed her eyes.
And when she opened.

"Now open." The man disappeared.

Black surrounded the weeping girl. There seemed to be no wall or floors, only shier darkness. She took a step forward and a gust of wind extended from the floor. She covered her face from the cool air. She felt something twinkling against her arm; she looked up when the wind stopped. Blue shimmering lights descended from air like snow. They never stopped falling, they even fell past her. And yet she didn't fall with them. The weeping girls whole body trembled with terror. "Where am I?" She marveled. She walked forward and was relieved when no wind descended from the ground

She explored the darkness; underneath her was like glass the appeared every time she took a step forward. The weeping girl stared in aw. Ahead was a Blue light, just like the others, but this light stood still a moved not. The weeping girl pondered a moment if she should walk toward it. And out of courage she began walking toward this light. The light was only the size of a child's hand. She reached forward to touch it.

"I am Oriti." The sphere said. "I am King Welcome, To 'Kingdom Immortal.'"

The weeping girl looked at the sphere with confusion.

"You, my dear, are now immortal like us."

She shook her head.

A man stepped through the sphere, he was dressed in a black coat down to his ankles. Dark hair and blood red eyes. "Come." The weeping girl was swept into his arms and both disappeared.
Nobody ever saw the weeping girl again, but her weeping was always heard by those who walked by the 'Immortal Blue Fire' that never was put out.
~Midnight_Star

Atra gulai un ilian tauthr ono un atra ono waise skolir fra rauthr-Let luck and happiness follow you and may you be shielded from misfortune. (Inheritance Cycle.)

[Midnight_Star]

I hope that those who read this short story may appreciate it. Originally, it was actually a dream my character had in another story of mine, but with some editing and some tricks I was able to make a short story. Some of my grammar and spelling may be off, but please ignore if possible. I hope you've enjoyed.
~Midnight_Star

[beroq]

Honestly, I could not get the meaning in the story. It is so vaguely engraved into it. Vagueness might scare off the reader if it is unsolvable.

[andave_ya]

It's interesting, but it still seems like it's cut out from somewhere else. It could work if you give us a LOT more detail. What's the "Immortal Blue Fire?" Who is the girl? what's her story? Why is she weeping? Why's her kimono ripped? What did she do to make her worthy of immortality? Who's Oriti and what's he doing in the story?

Answer those questions and I bet something really good will come out. I like the way you ended it, though, it makes it sound like a fairy tale. And your grammar and spelling is much better than usual - I'm impressed. A question though, have you read "The Little Match Girl?" It's kind of a sad children's story but it's short. If you haven't read it, let me know and I'll bring my book for you to borrow. Your story really reminds me of the Little Match Girl.