Guys please give comments for my poem. Thanks!

[AzureDreamz]

Hi guys i made this poem about the topic 'War'.
Its just what i did awhile ago and thought of getting comments and ratings for it. PLease comment and rate it over 10! Thanks! n_n

There are two major events the World has seen
One which consists of pains and sins
Through all these experiences we have learnt
That peace, could only be earned
Bud sadly, till today non of us have found
One that could keep us safe and sound
The least i could do now is pray out loud
Before the final judgement results are out.

Hope this aint too v v v v bad or even lousy... Haha...

[PrinceMyshkin]

I admire the sentiments in this but they're expressed too flatly and the forced rhymes are distracting. You might need to read more poetry and to use language in a more creative way.

[AzureDreamz]

Hmmm, from that fact that im a complete retard at making poems. I wanna ask um what do u mean by distracting? And sentiments meaning? I aint too good with english. Hope for a reply soon pal ty! =D

[billl]

my favorite part is the last couple of lines, where you point to the (little bit scary!) act of showing people your poem. very clever, i thought. you don't let the scary stuff stop you from expressing yourself, and that connects back to the war and peace thing.

to me, scary stuff (like war) seems pretty challenging for one of your first poems or whatever. it might be an obvious choice, because it's a big, powerful, important topic--but i think those things can overwhelm the artistic/poetic stuff you might try to put in it
(like rhymes, images, rhythm, puns, etc.).

a happy poem would be great to try next, is what i'd suggest. but they're difficult too. it's hard not to sound corny... i think that's why people don't try them. which is too bad.

anyhow, not a bad poem at all, but the ending is the only part i'd give more than a 10 for. from the clever ending, i figure you could do better with the rhymes and maybe describe more images. your name, azuredreamz, is almost a 10, by the way, as far as imagery goes. maybe put more stuff like that in there :-)

[beroq]

This being a poetry, the beginning sounds more like a news report, while the ending, like Bill points out, the last two lines are much better crafted.

I would suggest that you try going deeper into the meaning of war and how we, as humanbeings, should deal with it. Try to refine your poem, adding to it some color, depthness and personality.

Overall, you captured a very sensible aspect of a great theme; work on it and bring out a more personal and idiosyncratic poem.

These would be my suggestions.