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Thread: The Unwritten (Horror first post) 18+ ohh ! first post !

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    The Unwritten (Horror first post) 18+ ohh ! first post !

    The Unwritten,

    Jack Campbell a famous horror writer who created a series of horror films called Mack, He left the series incomplete and in limbo when he found out his wife was pregnant with their son,

    Now nine years later his decided to change direction and write film which his son can enjoy,But what happens when his nightmare becomes real and Mack decides to make a final film starring Jack and his family?,

    The Interview,

    '' Ladie's and Gentlemen, Please welcome our next guest who is making a comeback after a nine year break best known as the writer of the fantastic horror series Mack, Give it up for Mr Jack Carver !!,'' A huge roar of cheers filled the air, As Jack walked on the stage to greet the host, Giving a fake smile at all times, ''Welcome Jack'' as Jack sat down on the uncomfortable chair, ''Hello, Jerry'' Jack said giving another but smaller fake grin, His jaw now sore from the fake smiles his been giving out, '' Now Jack, I introduced you as Jack Carver, But i know you've changed your name now, Why is that?'',

    ''My real name is actually Jack Campbell, I only made the name Jack Carver up for my horror films something easy to remember something catchy,,, But now that im starting different films, I decided to use my real name,'' Jack breathed a sign of relieve in his mind thinking one down ninety nine to go,Or at least it felt like that for him his not used to these questions,

    He's never done interviews before he always lets his films do the talking, But now that his not doing what his known for the Mack series he needs the publicity,And to be honest even Jack would admit it in private, No ones interested in his new films, People only want him for one film and one film only, And that was Jerry's next question,, ''Now Jack ,,, I've gotta ask you this ,,,its now been nine years since the last Mack film and ,, well they changed horror films completely ! people love them, You didn't complete the final film which you set out to do, Now your starting to write films again will you go back and finish the series?,'' Jerry said, Now looking at Jack with a crane of his neck leaning forward and eyebrows raised,

    ''Well to be honest Jerry, I think writing horror is a thing of the past i've done them for so long i need to do something different, Im married now and have a son Alex who's now eight and i want to make films family's can enjoy, that my son can enjoy,The Mack series theirs five films in total and even if i did go back to it and finish it, People would still want more of them and i just don't want to be making Mack films for the rest of my life,'',
    Jack now feeling under pressure and he knew what Jerry was going to say next,
    ''So what your saying is their will be no final film?''Jerry said, ''No ,, i'm not planning to make one,''

    The Nightmare

    Jack switched off the T.V , ''He's made me look like a complete bastard,''Jack said, now turned to his wife Eve,
    ''Well i did tell you not to go on there,''Eve said as she turned the page of her book,Then looking up again and said ''Jack I'm gonna take Alex round mum and dad's, he wants to see the new puppy'' Jack could tell she didn't want him to go with her, Not that she didn't want him to go but its was Eve's parents,

    They both are very religious, and think he must be the son of the devil to have wrote the films he did,''Yeah ok,, I'll stay here if that's ok, i need to get to bed soon need to be up early tomorrow ,''Jack said with a half arsed sorry smile, Eve now closing her book and putting it on the side table,
    ''Well i'm gonna go get ready, You sure you don't want to?'' Jack could tell in her voice a slight please don't say yes, It wasn't that her parents hated him its just their was always gaps of uncomfortable silence when his there,

    Eve is eight years younger than Jack and when he started dating her, Eve's parents were against it and when they decided to get married her dad refused to give her away, Which she was very pissed off about, and told them they couldn't come to the wedding, But still in the end Jack talked her around with the usual fake stuff, and in the end she agreed to let them come to the wedding but still, he didn't give her away,

    Jack doesn't know if they ever found out it was him that got Eve to change her mind,
    But it wouldn't change their opinion of him, Make them realise he isn't the son of the devil after all, infact far from it,
    Jack loves his wife and son more than anything in the world, But people like Eve's parents never change their opinion,

    ''Bye Dad!'' Alex shouted running out the door and running to the car ''Bye Alex!''Jack shouted back from the kitchen wondering if Alex heard him, he doubted it, Things like that annoy Jack, people never say goodbye probably no more, Eve now poking her head around the door of the kitchen from the hallway ''I'll see you later, Alex is going to stay over,Oh and he's already asking if we can get a dog, he has'nt even seen it yet,'' She gave him a smile and started walking to the door, Jack opened the fridge to see what he could make himself for dinner then a thought hit him,'' What's the puppy called?'' he shouted to Eve, ''Its called Peter,,,,Yes ! i know bye''She said with a laugh as she closed the front door,

    Even down to naming a puppy it has to be religious with Eve's parents, Eve's named after Adam and Eve, now a poor puppy named after a saint, Still they could be worse In Law's, But they could be a hell of a lot better,
    Jack spent the rest of the night flicking through the T.V and guess what was on,Mack the first film,
    Jack could'nt help but watch alittle bit of it he wondered how many people in the country were also watching it,
    It did'nt scare Jack the slightest i mean he wrote it after all, he knew everything line every action before it happened,
    But what did scare him was the nightmare that he had that gave him the idea for Mack,
    When he was twelve he had a repeating nightmare for about seven years,

    The nightmare always started and ended the same, it didn't go away until Jack wrote the film when he was nineteen,
    He had got used to the nightmare by then, The dark room , The Fire burning , The man standing infront of the fire with a knife in his hand and his back to him, Jack would never see his face that's why in the films the killer wears a mask,
    Because even Jack don't know what this man looks like, But he always tried pulling the man around so he could see his face, Every time it seemed to get closer like it was going to be this time he'll see his face,

    It wasn't until this moment watching the film,
    Jack thought about the nightmare he hasn't thought about it for years now, He never told anyone about them not even his parents,It wasn't that they didn't scare him in fact some days as a kid he'd fall asleep in school because he couldn't get back to sleep after having the nightmare the night before,

    Jack finished watching the film and turned the T.V off and headed for bed thinking about the nightmare all the way up the stairs, While he was brushing his teeth and when he pulled the covers back to get into bed,

    He was now curious thinking, if he thought about having the nightmare enough maybe it'll happen tonight and maybe he can finally see his monsters real face, Ok maybe he was best not to see his face, but apart of Jack really wanted and was really excited about it, Thinking tonight he might see the face of the monster that was once a childhood nightmare and in Jacks adulthood turned out to be a huge film for him,

    The Face Of A Killer

    Eve and Alex still weren't back but it wasn't late, not even 10pm yet,
    Apart of Jack the part which was still awake wanted to get up out of bed and call them,
    See if they were ok , But the other half the now asleep half just wanted to sleep,
    Jack's eyes now fully shut,His breathing slowing down and body not moving,
    It always started the same,He'd see a room nearly pitch black expect log fire place in front of him lighting half the room,
    And Jack could now see Mack standing in front of it, like he always did,

    Jack could see the man's black greasy hair he had it pushed back and tucked behind his ears,
    And he was holding his usual knife the one that in the Mack films he was famous for,
    Long silver blade with a black handle, Jack started walking towards him on the grey concrete fall,
    No sounds of footsteps, Jack thought obviously his imagination didn't stretch that far to add sound effects,

    When he walked towards him, As it always did, what was once visible behind him, was now filling with blackness,
    As if it did'nt want Jack to go back that way, The only way he's allowed to go is towards this man,
    Jack now standing directly behind the man who was holding the knife, Jack gently grabbed the man's right arm and tried to pull,
    He tried as hard as he could to pull the man around and then the man slowly started to move,

    Jack opened his eyes to a dark room and a man's face in front of his, ''Hey Jack ,, we're gonna make a movie,''
    As the man drove his fist to Jack's face,

    Waking Up

    He couldn't work out if it was real or a dream,But it felt so real,
    Jack opened his eyes,Breathing heavily in shock,Gasping for air just like he used to wake up after his nightmare as a kid,

    He could see nothing only darkness he was sitting down on a chair,And could feel something around his wrist's and ankles holding him there,

    He could hear footstep's heading towards him ''Hey Jack, Good morning or should i say afternoon, Boy you can really can sleep huh,'' Followed by a laugh, A fake horrible fast and rushed laugh that pierced Jacks ears ,

    Something was lifted from Jack's face and he could now see, See the man's face the man who knocked him out,
    The man who looked exactly like Mack or at least how Jack imagined he'd look thin eyebrows,Thin lips chapped and cut,Eye's that pierce,And pale white skin,

    ''Where the **** am i,,, who the **** are you''Jack said now panicking and breathless sweat dripping from his forehead,
    the man now walking over to a desk and leaning back on it,

    ''Come on Jack you write these types of movies,haha you know whats happening''
    ''Where,, Where's my wife ,,my son,'' Jack said looking around
    ''If you've hurt them you sick ****ing ****!''
    ''Shhh shhh shush Jack no one's getting hurt,,,at least well not yet''Followed by another laugh,
    ''You see Jack im not sick,,,You know haha,, im just ,,,im just what you've made me,,
    Im simply a creation,,''

    The room was small and cold one light swinging on a chain in the centre of the room above Jack,
    Stone flooring and grey brick walls, a desk to Jacks right with an old big screened computer on it,
    Jack now felt sick he's mind was going at a hundred miles an hour, he started the cough as his nose dripped with water,

    ''Well maybe i should intrude myself Jack,, as you probably already know my name is Mack,,
    and we're gonna finish what you started Jack'' He clicked the mouse on the computer and a blurry box screen came up with a woman and child with bags on their heads tied up kneeling on the floor,
    Jack's wife and son,

    Jack started crying ''Please ,,, please just let them go!!,,, I'll give you money whatever the ****! you want,,,,,, just don't hurt them,,, please,,,,,'' He tried as hard as he could to get his arms free but he couldn't,

    ''Jack Jack Jacky,,,,Haha you should know better,, negotiating with the killer never works remember?,,
    you see no one dies yet ,, i mean the films only just started haha,,, i mean ,, in the first Mack film it was 46minutes 23 seconds until the first killing ,, in,, in Mack 2! ,, the ,,the first killing wasn't until 32 minutes 59 seconds,,
    i mean i could go on Jack but im sure you already know when they happened,,, i mean haha you wrote it,''

    ''You sick ****ing! ****'' Jack spat across the room missing Mack,
    Mack now walking around the room circling Jack,
    ''Jack! im not sick,,, in fact your sick,,, you wrote it didn't you?,
    it's not like they're real?''Mack said hold out a hand as he said the last part,

    Jack couldn't say anything he just looked at the screen at his wife and son,
    he wiped his nose on his shirt,''Ok,,,,what do you want,,,''
    Mack now smiling,''Good Jack ! you get it well i wanna make a movie the final Mack ! and we're both in it''

    Now walking back to the computer,,''You see Jack alot of people want to see the final Mack movie, including me!,,''
    He clicked the mouse and a screen showed up it was Jack sitting on chair in the room,
    Jack looked up to his left in the corner of the room and saw a camera,
    '',,What the **** is this,,,, what the **** are you doing!,''
    ''Jack please ,,, don't be rude im simply finishing what you started you should be grateful infact,''
    now turning away from the screen facing Jack,

    ''You see over five thousand people are watching you now!, And im getting some nice message's from these people to, i mean ,,, everyone loves Mack right ?,''

    Jack tilted his head back on the chair looking at the ceiling,
    ''Your gonna die for this you freak,''Jack said
    ''Oh jack,,, i hope not,, because then their wouldn't be no more movies,,,,''


    ''Hey Jack you should really read the message's these guy's are leaving about our little film,
    you might learn something about horror,Not that im saying bad things about your films,but,,, in the end they all just became predictable,''Mack said looking at the screen,

    ''You see thats why people like watching this because it's live! its unpredictable no one knows what s coming next, not you, not them, not your family ! but i do haha''Mack said while turning he's head round giving a toothy grin,
    ''You hurt them you psycho , sick twisted ,, ****!!, and i swear to god! im gonna rip your ****ing head off !''Jack said whiles struggling from his chair trying to break free,

    ''Believe me Jacky i know that's not gonna happen,,your the killed im the killer just like in you films,''Mack said whiles clicking the mouse on the computer,the box with his family's camera came up,

    ''Now Jacky ,, what do you think is gonna happen to them?, you know ,,, say as an expert writers opinion,''Mack said with a psychotic laugh at the end,

    ''Will they get free?,Will your wife come in here fight me, struggle a bit kill me save you and you all go live happy ever after?or will the police see this being broadcasting the net and pin point our location come in and do all the work for you???,

    ''No they wont Jack you know why ??, Because this is real,, im the killer your the killed,''Mack said now looking at the computer watching Jacks family sitting there in the room,

    Jack starred at his family on the screen, Mack now reaching for the mouse of the computer
    ''Oh yeah,,,, haha i almost forget,,, they're already dead this is just a recording,''As he clicked the mouse starting the clip,

    It started with Mack walking in the room with them holding a gun and quickly shooting both of them in the head then waving to the camera and leaving the room,

    ''Aren't i forgetful haha oh im so sorry Jack haha you must of thought their was still hope right ? no no i killed them while you were sleeping,''
    Jack's heart sank and he's blood began to boil he screamed and tried to break the rope from around his ankles and wrists, he tried to push forward so the chair would snap but it was bolted to the floor,

    ''You ****ing **** im gonna ****ing kill you !!!''
    ''You ****ing sick twisted ****ing freak!''
    ''Now now Jack calm down,''As Mack reached into a drawer and pulled out a needle,
    ''Night night Jack, this will calm you down,''
    He stabbed the needle in his neck,

    The Ending

    ''Wakey wakey eggs and baccy haha''As Mack tapped each cheek on Jack
    ''Well he we are Jack the end of the film 100,000 people watching and a whole load of people saying they enjoyed the last part haha,''

    Jack felt drowsy and half asleep and the voice of Mack sounded like an echo in the distance,

    ''I thought I'd bring you into the room to be with your family you know say goodbye and all,''
    Jack still in a chair tied up looked to his left and could just make out two bodies his vision was still very blurry, Both lying there dead with blood drenched bags on their heads,

    He could barely move his head still drugged up from what Mack stuck in his neck,
    Jack tried to talk but he could hardly speak, it was just slurred words,

    ''Ok Jack i think we need to you know just,, end this haha i mean not that it has'nt been fun but you know,, the credits await and all,,,''Mack said standing in front of Jack,

    Mack reached for a gun in his back pocket ''Night night Jacky boy'',,,

    Later That Day

    News reader on T.V ''Police raided an abandanded factory today after someone reported hearing multiple gun shots,
    Police found horror writer Jack Campbell shot dead there,And also found that the incident was being recorded throughout and broadcasted on the internet named as the final instalment in the Mack movie series,

    The murderer who in the video claims himself to be Mack the fictional serial killer held Jack hostage there overnight, and played him a video of what appears to be a woman and child being shot dead, He then lead Jack to believe it was his wife Eve and son Alex campbell but infact is was actor's he payed to star in the film,

    Police have caught the killer who's real name is Jeffrey Carter, And is currently being questioned,It is also believed that he worked along side Jack in Jacks early career and worked as a Runner in the first Mack film,
    Police have removed the snuff film from the internet just before reaching 6 million views,
    They asked the Mr Carter why he done it, he simply replied ''I just wanted to make a movie''.


  2. #2
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    Please don't be offended lol, some of it is quite sick and twisted but that's what it is about and you have to read it to the very end ! ,

    Any feedback would be great and i'll return the favour, plus most of all did it scare you ?

  3. #3
    Registered User beroq's Avatar
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    This looks more like a news report than a story in real sense. I guess you better pay more attention to the time and events sequence; things happen so quickly and the story you would like to tell is too big and complicated than it appears here.

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    Quote Originally Posted by beroq View Post
    This looks more like a news report than a story in real sense. I guess you better pay more attention to the time and events sequence; things happen so quickly and the story you would like to tell is too big and complicated than it appears here.
    I agree i originally wanted to make a long story of it , But thought i'd try writing a short first i like that its fast paced but i agree with you, I made the deaths quick because i think the long drawn out ones have been done to many times in films ect , did you like any parts of it that i can take note for if i do long version

    The worst thing is im actually studying media production so im always thinking of it as a script and skipping details

  5. #5
    Registered User beroq's Avatar
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    I see. I liked the dialogues between characters, which are energetic and down-to-earth. Also, you keep them relatively short, composing them of short sentences, not becoming too wordy.

  6. #6
    Overlord of Cupcak3s 1n50mn14's Avatar
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    Neat! Good idea! I have a sick, twisted mind so I did not find this at all gross or scary, but that doesn't mean anything, as I'm pretty messed up... this would be a fantastic LONG story, though, full-length or novella length.
    Naked except for a cigarette, you let your mind drift and forget your disbelief. Feel the chill down your back and the flutter of wings through dandelion fields, and forget the pull of gravity in a night without stars.

    I lack eloquence and commitment to my arguments. They are half baked, and I will begin passionately, and then abandon them.

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    Well thank you both its my first ever story so im pleased that you atleast understood it :P, Im now definitly gonna use it in my course and turn it into a short film , I might make some changes,

    one would be that Mack was'nt a runner he went for the part to play Mack but was refused and also just try and make his words more twisted and sick, i originally wanted him to give Jack a choice , To kill someone ( i dont know who yet ) and save his family , or his family die , ( but obviously its not his family and he plays the tape anyway ) and that way then Mack can say '' become what you write '',

    So it can be more twisted lol but i do like the Mack character and can't wait ! to see him come alive gotta wait till september yet !.

    I'm like you becca i love horror ! I love realistic horror though and this is kind of that way i think ? , It's difficult i would absolutely love to make it a long story but this is my first i've ever wrote and i am quite please with it but it is a difficult one to pull off, I might do some easier ones first then come back to this when im more experienced,

    And don't worry im also a messed up person :P lets start a club !! lol

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