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Thread: Read my poem plz and tell me if itz gud?

  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Feb 2009

    Read my poem plz and tell me if itz gud?

    The path has been misused
    I'm too confused
    To give up i refuse

    My mistakes come near
    They Began to bring fear
    My eyes develop tears

    To extinguish the fire
    Is just my desire

    My heart begins to tear
    The pain is difficult to bear
    To love again would just be a forceful dare

    (im not done yet.. but how is it so far?)

  2. #2
    Registered User csgraham's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Ft. Worth, TX
    Are you writing this as a song? If so I think it's okay, what I hear it played with is not my kind of music but it works.

    If it's not meant to be a song, it doesn't flow enough for me. You may be trying free verse, and that's great. But for my own personal taste, if it's going to rhyme like that, it needs to be more structured and keep rhythm.

    You are getting your message across though, so that's good.

  3. #3
    King of Plastic Spoons imthefoolonthehill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Lost in my own incoherence
    don't be afraid to be without rhyme. check out some modern poetry, and see what they are doing. I recommend spoken words stuff, like or

    search indiefeed for derrick brown or aaron johnson.

    If you aren't big into spoken word, check out cummings or bukowski.

    read it out loud, and see what they are doing.
    Told by a fool, signifying nothing.

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