EDIT: Oh, no! I made an error, sorry. I created two consecutive topics regarding the same short story. Below the following I've pasted the contents of the other thread I made. The first thread may be deleted.
I'm in the process of revising this passage of my recently completed short story, but I'd like to know what you all think about it. I believe it definitely "tells the reader too much," and would fit better into the category of "essay paragraph" or "rambling philosophical ponderings." I know that this passage destroys the reader's freedom to analyze the things going on in my story, so I ask your advice: What's your advice on how to (start to) get across the themes presented here without saying them this outright?
War is killing. Killing is evil. That much Talus knew. But a stroke of insight came to him that had never seemed so blatantly obvious until now as it suddenly presented itself. While war must be evil, it had been made good. In the span of thousands of years men had justified their own lusts for dominance—and therefore blood—with the time-fortified illusions of duty and honor. In his mind, Talus looked at it all and found himself seeing through the lies, and past the human insecurity that had invented them. At the very heart of war, there was an evil so severe and encompassing that man had been scarcely able to bear it. That evil was the source of the subconscious, primal self-detest he felt whenever he went into battle. This was the detest that had given humans that deep need to somehow rationalize their actions.
This is a small freestyle poem I've written for the introduction to my medieval short story. I think it helps to "fade in" to the beginning lines of the narrative, since the story begins with a direct continuation of the story before it. I would really appreciate advice; for whatever reason I rarely visit the field of poetry, and I'll gladly take all the feedback I can get.
A dark time descends.
Night takes day, and men take lives.
This is the time when nations will collide and detest all that is good.
Under sharp glow of the moon, a new war kindles. Here is where evil makes its stand.
Terror takes its toll. Destruction awakes, mounts, and takes the hunt.
In the very air there is death.
Change makes imminent.
A new era is dawning.