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Thread: Kitsunians Rising

  1. #1
    krystal! <3 jekan blazer's Avatar
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    Post Kitsunians Rising

    please feel free to comment, and enjoy!!!





    Chapter 1

    It was before sunrise when Jekan Blazer woke up. He got out of bed, and stretched. Today was the day that the boy enlisted into the Kitsunian Academy of Tactical Combat (or K.A.T.C. for short), which taught fighting techniques more advanced than that of the planet’s most elite forces. The K.A.T.C. was recruiting young, healthy adolescents between the ages of 12 and 18 to train for classified causes.
    Excited, Jekan had volunteered at the age of twelve, hoping to be accepted. Now, after a long 3 1/2 years of waiting, he received a phone call at precisely 9:00 the previous night. It directed him to arrive at the K.A.T.C. at no later than sunrise. Alone. Jekan donned his brand new camouflage combat uniform and black combat boots which were supplied by the Academy.
    After getting ready, the boy stepped out of his warm, cozy house, and into the chill of the morning air. There was a heavy fog hanging all around him, making it difficult to see. It was so cold, that when he exhaled, a warm, misty vapor hovered briefly in the air. There were icicles hanging from the snow covered trees from last night’s storm. That meant that the river would be easier to cross, now that it was most likely frozen. Jekan glanced at his watch, which read 5:21 A.M. Sunrise was at 6:02 A.M. Even if he were to run harder and longer than ever before, he wouldn’t make it there on time. Unless, of course, he crossed the river, and that would only be possible if it was frozen. Jekan realized he was shivering violently. He also knew by just standing there he was just wasting his precious time. He took a deep breath, and set off towards the K.A.T.C.

    * * *

    After a grueling thirty-two minutes of nonstop running, he came to the river, which happened to be frozen. Jekan carefully crossed it, and went to the bordering wall of the K.A.T.C. He knew there was a weak spot in the barrier, and found it without a problem. The youth kicked at it until he was able to put a hole in it. When the wall was breached, he expected various alarms to sound. None did. When he looked at his watch, he was shocked to find that he only had twenty-six seconds left. He quickly climbed through the hole, ran towards the doors of the academy, and tagged them. As soon as he did, the first rays of sunlight crept upon him. The boy had barely made it.
    Once he caught his breath, Jekan looked around. His first impression was how big the K.A.T.C. actually was, which was about as big as a small town. He turned about 90o, only to find a pile of black camouflage clothing under a nearby tree. Curious, the boy moved closer to investigate. Once he was near the pile, Jekan saw that they were breathing. That’s when he realized; the pile of garments was in fact a female in similar K.A.T.C. attire that he was wearing. She just sat there, appearing to be asleep. When Jekan stepped closer to wake her, she sprung into a front flip, landing only inches from his face. Startled, he stumbled backward and fell on his back. She walked around to his head, and bent down to look him in his face. Her long, shiny, jet black hair dangled down near the ground. The young lady’s emerald green eyes sparkled at him as she flashed a dazzling smile.
    The woman greeted him warmly, saying, “Welcome to the K.A.T.C., Jekan! I’m so glad you made it here! My name is Novann, and I will be your trainer. Please, follow me.”
    Before he could respond, Novann whirled around to
    face the building, her hair whipping at his face. She went straight to the doors of the academy, flung them open, and entered the building. He quickly followed her inside, knowing the doors would lock if they closed on him.
    When he got in, he took several steps, and stopped to check out the inside of the K.A.T.C. It was like a normal dojo, only more advanced. There were training sites everywhere. They ranged from hand to hand combat, to sniping, to even experimenting with plasma and laser weapons. The walls were dark red in color, and were in mind-boggling condition. The lighting was perfectly arranged and flawless in the intensity of brightness. Yet Jekan felt like something was missing and it bothered him.
    About ten minutes later, he realized what was missing; the students. The next thing he noticed turned his blood to ice. The youth couldn’t believe he had overlooked the most obvious, not to mention deadly, detail earlier. Each and every trainer that was moving about the place had an assault rifle, a pistol, or both. His mind reeled, and he started for the doors, when he heard someone shout, “Hey!” Panicking, he broke into a run. Suddenly, a projectile slammed into the middle of his back with enough force to send him about five feet through the air, tumble another three feet, and finally crash with a sickening thud into the three inch thick solid steel double doors. Jekan twitched a few times while he lay at the base of the doors, seeing, watching, but unable to move. The dojo flickered, and then disappeared entirely; it was just an illusion.
    “What, haven’t you ever seen a biogenetic engineering laboratory before? Pity…” asked Novann with her hands on her hips. Her voice was colder then ice.
    Jekan gasped, (if you could call it that,) “What do you want with me?”
    He was slurring his words badly, and struggling to keep consciousness. The boy then noticed a blue glow in the wall off about fifty feet away. Behind the glow were five deformed humanoid shapes. That very moment, he blacked out.



    Chapter 2

    Jekan woke up on a cold steel table that was stained with dark red blood, and also with gooey, bright blue and green spots. The walls were solid concrete, were covered with the same blue and green goop, and had deep gashes and bullet holes everywhere. He tried to get up, but couldn’t: his arms, legs, ankles, wrists, waist, and chest were all fastened to the table by one-inch-thick, semi flexible metal.
    Panicked, he started to struggle, when he heard Novann’s icy voice say, “It’s no use Jekan, you will never break free. Those bands are made with our own secret unbreakable metal. You think you can escape, don’t you? Good luck with that, this place is a fortress. You will never make it out of here alive.”
    His only words were, “Watch me.”
    “Jekan, I would love to see you try.”
    He remained silent, and Novann turned her back to him, clanking around with something that sounded like glass. He hadn’t the faintest idea of how he was going to break free of the K.A.T.C., but was determined to do whatever was necessary to do so. Suddenly, the noise ceased.
    “Well, Jekan, are you ready?” Novann asked nonchalantly.
    “Ready for what” he demanded.
    She slowly turned around. In her left hand was a cylindrical device with a red button on the top of gadget. It was approximately three inches tall, an inch in diameter, and golden in color. She held the mechanism vertically with her thumb the button. In the other hand was a large hypodermic needle filled with the same gooey, gel-like, bright blue and green substances that were splattered everywhere. There was a divider going down the middle of the tube, segregating the blue from the green. The tube was three inches in diameter, and was six inches long. It had a white label on it, which read in bold, black letters, “TF #231”.
    “Ready for what?” Jekan repeated fiercely.
    “For your transformation.” Novann stated, her voice falsely sweet.
    “My WHAT!?” He shouted, struggling once again.
    Novann didn’t answer. Instead, she plunged the acicular needle into the center of the squirming boy’s chest. Jekan screamed in pain as the woman injected him with the substances the tube held inside. He became dizzy and disoriented. On top of that, the youth could feel the goop ooze slowly through his veins. His body spasmed once, twice, and then a third time. Novann then pressed the button on the golden device in her left hand. Immediately after she did, the metal strips that bound the boy to the table straightened upwards, and then slid into the slab of steel, releasing him.
    Jekan, still twitching, sputtered, “Why? Why me?”
    With that, he blacked out.
    “To the holding cell with you.” Novann spat at the unconscious body.
    She pressed another button that was on the side of the golden mechanism. The table split in half, falling on hidden hinges, causing the boy to fall into the room under him.
    As he fell, the falsehearted woman yelled after him, “Incoming!”
    There was a dull thud as his body hit the concrete after ten feet of falling. Satisfied, Novann closed the trapdoor by pressing the side button again.
    * * *
    Jekan slowly started coming to. As his senses sluggishly returned, he heard voices talking to the left of him. Someone laughed loudly, and he groaned at the pain from the sound. The voices fell silent. He slowly opened his eyes, and sat up even slower because it hurt to move. Something wasn’t right. Unconsciously, the boy reached back, and sure enough his hand grabbed a big, bushy tail. It felt kind of like a fox tail. Then, someone giggled. It was a female’s giggle, and it sounded unusually familiar.
    Her voice, also very familiar, said, “Awww, that’s so cute! He grabbed his tail!”
    More load laughter followed the comment. Jekan turned to face the source of the voices, and gasped. What he saw was five humanoids, each with animal traits. Two were dragons, two were wolves, and the last was an arctic fox. The two pairs were male and female, and the fox was female. The male dragon was red, the female green, the male wolf had grey fur, the female had jet-black, and the arctic fox had a beautiful, glistening white coat.
    When Jekan took all this in, he screamed. The boy search for a way to escape, when he saw the blue glow in the wall that he saw when he was on the floor at the entrance. It finally struck him that he was in a holding cell.
    The grey wolf asked in his gruff voice, “Hey, Kriana, when do you think he’s gonna figure out that he’s been transformed into an arctic fox, just like you?”
    “Probably now Railen, considering the fact that you just told him!” Yelled the other wolf irritably.
    “Wait...WHAT?” Jekan demanded, confused.
    The red dragon sighed, and explained, “Alright, these are the facts. You have been altered into what Novann calls ‘super soldiers’. We don’t know what she has in store for us, but we do recognize she wants to use us to form an unstoppable army so she can take over, and rule the world. We despise the term ‘Super Soldiers’, so we came up with the name ‘Kitsunians’. You now have two options; either you join the Kitsunian side, or the super soldier side. The choice is yours, so choose wisely. You have 5 minutes to decide.”
    Jekan thought back and remembered everything that Novann had done to him. He didn’t want to join her, yet he didn’t know if he could trust these humanoids. He looked at the gloomy face of the arctic fox, and made up his mind.
    “Your time is up. What is your decision?” The male dragon asked harshly.
    “I want to join the Kitsunians.” Jekan stated firmly.


    Chapter 3

    The crimson dragon had introduced Jekan to the Kitsunians in order of breed (starting with the female’s name, then the male’s). The dragons’ names were Crystal and Blake, the wolves’ names were Luna and Railen, and the vixen’s name was Kriana. It took Jekan more than five minutes to realize he knew Kriana; she was his missing girlfriend.
    “Kriana!” He blurted out loudly.
    Perplexed, she cautiously asked, “What?”
    The booth looked desperately at her, tears streaming down his face, and stammered, “Don’t you remember me?”
    She seemed to be completely thrown off guard, not to mention scared.
    “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
    Jekan looked devastated, but he didn’t give up.
    “I remember the way you used lay you’re head on my shoulder at night, the way you used to whisper into my ear that you loved me, and how could I forget those beautiful, emerald green eyes, Kriana Inara”
    He looked up at her and smiled the same loving smile he showed her before Kriana was abducted.
    “Jekan? Jekan, is that you?” Kriana asked carefully.
    He just kept smiling. She stood up ever so slowly, and walked cautiously over to the smiling boy.
    While circling him, she thought, ‘He is an eerie reminiscent of Jekan, but could it be him?’
    Then she had an idea: ask him a couple questions about herself.
    “Okay, if you know me that well, then what’s my favorite animal?” Kriana asked.
    Jekan answered immediately, “The Arctic fox. During the winter, its coat is the most beautiful in your opinion.”
    “Okay, what’s my birth date?” She demanded.
    Again, the answer was instantaneous, “January 13th, 2075, which makes you 17 years old.”
    Already knowing it was Jekan, Kriana whispered, “What’s our code word?”
    “Kitsune Inara.” He breathed.
    “Oh my gosh.”
    They embraced, tears streaming down their faces.
    “Are you two done yet? We really need to discuss some majorly important ****.” Railen fumed impatiently.
    They all stared at him, waiting for him to finish. When he didn’t, Jekan got perturbed.
    “What could be so God damned important that you have to break the peace?!” He shouted.
    “Well, for starters, what’s our plan?” Railen shot back.
    Unexpectedly, the room dimmed. The glowing blue wall had disappeared. Before anyone could blink, a grenade flew into the room. It immediately began glowing bright white, and within seconds was blinding. Then, the ball of glowing plasma suddenly began to screech at such a high frequency, it could only be heard by the Kitsunians. They rolled on the floor with fingers in their ears, screaming in agony.
    The bright white light subsided, but not the piercing shriek that was causing the most anguish.
    ‘Oh sure they can end the light show, no problem! But the sound? Forget about it!’ Jekan thought bitterly.
    And as abruptly as the sound begun, it ceased to exist.
    “What…the fark…was that?” Railen asked slowly.
    “That, Railen,” came Novann’s voice, “was a new type of stun grenade. It is meant to stop my Super Soldiers in their tracks, just in case someone decides to turn against me.”
    Last edited by jekan blazer; 01-21-2009 at 04:41 PM. Reason: no one's commenting...

    HAX Energy Soda....

    you only WISH you were aweome enough to drink it.

  2. #2
    krystal! <3 jekan blazer's Avatar
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    PLEASE BE AWARE THAT MY STORY IS NOT FINISHED!!! Thank you!!!

    HAX Energy Soda....

    you only WISH you were aweome enough to drink it.

  3. #3
    Little Stranger Alexei's Avatar
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    Hi, Jekan. I don't know why have you chosen me to read your story. While flattered, I am afraid you're mistaken, I am not a fan of a sci-fi genre and I am not acquainted enough with it to be a good enough critic. Still, I find your story rather nice. It's interesting and the structure is good. I like the way you've divided it. You've chosen the best moments for that - final enough to be the end and yet intriguing and assuring that there is more to come and it's going to be even better. I can tell you more when you finish it.
    Currently reading:
    The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon

  4. #4
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    Hello Jekan, thanks for asking me to read your story I liked the way the story flowed so far but the human/animal army doesnt really appeal to me personally. Like you said it is a work in progress and there are background details that will probably be explained later in the story that help clarify parts of the first chapters. Please do keep me updated x

  5. #5
    krystal! <3 jekan blazer's Avatar
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    thanks forthte comments

    HAX Energy Soda....

    you only WISH you were aweome enough to drink it.

  6. #6
    thinking.... mosimo's Avatar
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    I do enjoy a good Sci Fi every now and then so was drawn to read your story. My vote would go for "good start" if that was one of the categories. What you need to do is fine tone your writing style by just writing the story from front to finish so to speak. Continue writing and then come back and worry about the beginning and how the story flows. Once the story is done then I will be able to give advise on how you can make it read better or increase the reader's interest.

  7. #7
    krystal! <3 jekan blazer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mosimo View Post
    I do enjoy a good Sci Fi every now and then so was drawn to read your story. My vote would go for "good start" if that was one of the categories. What you need to do is fine tone your writing style by just writing the story from front to finish so to speak. Continue writing and then come back and worry about the beginning and how the story flows. Once the story is done then I will be able to give advise on how you can make it read better or increase the reader's interest.
    ty for your criticism!!!!

    HAX Energy Soda....

    you only WISH you were aweome enough to drink it.

  8. #8
    Wearing a vegetable!! BulletproofDork's Avatar
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    Hey, nice job! I like Railen. Is this all you've written so far?
    Ethel Mertz: Gee, this high altitude sure gives me an appetite.
    Fred Mertz: What's your excuse at sea level?

    Fred Mertz: Now what are we supposed to do? Thumb a ride on a passing halibut?
    Ricky Ricardo: I can't afford it.
    Lucy Ricardo: Those must have been the first English words you learned.



  9. #9
    krystal! <3 jekan blazer's Avatar
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    yes thats all i have for now...

    HAX Energy Soda....

    you only WISH you were aweome enough to drink it.

  10. #10
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    I also enjoyed the story. Just have a couple of questions..

    Was this the first draft? If so, I see some narrative conflicts. Minor stuff, also some sentences could be structured better. But, overall its a honey of a story.

  11. #11
    krystal! <3 jekan blazer's Avatar
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    thanx!!!

    HAX Energy Soda....

    you only WISH you were aweome enough to drink it.

  12. #12
    krystal! <3 jekan blazer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rob Fusion View Post
    I also enjoyed the story. Just have a couple of questions..

    Was this the first draft? If so, I see some narrative conflicts. Minor stuff, also some sentences could be structured better. But, overall its a honey of a story.
    yes this is a rough draft...

    HAX Energy Soda....

    you only WISH you were aweome enough to drink it.

  13. #13
    Overlord of Cupcak3s 1n50mn14's Avatar
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    As it goes, you've got a lot of good ideas here. It's abrupt, however, without a lot of explanation or build up. Parts are predictable, but it's a rough draft, as you said, and I think you're probably just getting your ideas down on paper- the filler will come later. Bits don't make sense- I want to know more about how he became recruited, why the academy exists, how he was fooled, etc.

    I think this has a lot of potential.
    Naked except for a cigarette, you let your mind drift and forget your disbelief. Feel the chill down your back and the flutter of wings through dandelion fields, and forget the pull of gravity in a night without stars.

    I lack eloquence and commitment to my arguments. They are half baked, and I will begin passionately, and then abandon them.

  14. #14
    krystal! <3 jekan blazer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BeccaT View Post
    As it goes, you've got a lot of good ideas here. It's abrupt, however, without a lot of explanation or build up. Parts are predictable, but it's a rough draft, as you said, and I think you're probably just getting your ideas down on paper- the filler will come later. Bits don't make sense- I want to know more about how he became recruited, why the academy exists, how he was fooled, etc.

    I think this has a lot of potential.
    ty very much for that!!! i appreciate your comments... if yo have any ideas plz let me know!!!

    HAX Energy Soda....

    you only WISH you were aweome enough to drink it.

  15. #15
    Talks to the Animals IJustMadeThatUp's Avatar
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    Great start, you've got me hooked now and I want to know what happens next!
    "Oh the clever
    Things I should say to you
    They got stuck somewhere
    Stuck between me and you"

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