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Thread: Thinking outside convention

  1. #1
    Registered User Ceahorse's Avatar
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    Post Thinking outside convention

    Dear readers

    My name is Ceahorse, and this will be my first post in this forum. For this time, I have chosen what I believe to be one of my better works; however, there is a slight touch of sacrilegiousness. Donít be put off, its in no way insulting or ridiculous toward any or all faiths, however, it simply supports a practice that is forbiddin in most holy doctrine.

    I choose this piece with the hopes that someone will read it for what it is, a simple outpour of thought.


    Ceahorse...


    Many people, especially in modern days, have and will always debate the acceptability of platonic sex. Throughout history there has always been sex outside of wed-lock, however, in the past, I believe, that there was more cases of love-less sex, with the exception of paid-for sex.
    Many people of higher social standings, in a past, were not only accustomed to performing the act with people other then their partners; they were in fact, encouraged to. These people also had the luxury of having no need for pretences, and were openly allowed by their partner, as well as the people of the court.

    Nowadays, things are quite different; fewer people are taking the opportunities to be unfaithful, however more people are experiencing sex for the first time outside wedlock, or simply, most people donít cheat and few are saving themselves.

    People of modern time seem to be more open to sex, but I believe that this is a false assumption, and the truth is that we have bottled our sexuality in comparison to those of the past.

    Although our sexual habits, as well as marriage-based habits, have drastically changed, perhaps even reciprocated, our desire for sex has, seemingly, not decreased. One concept of sexual practice that I believe hasnít increased, nor decreased, the time that has past, is the idea of platonic sex; however the timing has just changed (in the past they did it after marriage, in the present they do it before getting hitched).

    Platonic sex, in my opinion is an acceptable practice, however, it comes with set rules that must be abided to, or the result with certainly be emotional pain on one or all accounts.

    Firstly, both parties must discuss the morality of what they plan to do. They both must know that when itís done and over there will be no feelings of guilt. If one of the parties is being unfaithful to a third party, then it becomes unacceptable. This can induce guilt in both the parties that are involved; one may feel remorse for cheating, and the other for ďhome wreckingĒ.

    Another important point is the thought of control. Sex can be an extremely affecting act. It can trick one to believe, as well as convince one, that they are now in love with the other person. Keep in mind, sex is a very difficult thing to give up, especially for males that find it difficult to obtain. The problem is that a person has sex with their platonic friend; they both know that itís nothing more then the sex, however, this type of exercise cannot be a life long experience. In most cases, one or both parties will grow, or have, the desire to settle down, find love and have a family. A problem can occur when one of the two decides its time before the other is ready. Now the person that isnít ready now is forced to give up the sex, this can be very difficult.

    Expectations are also a major factor, when decided to attempt an amorous adventure of this type. What do each person want the other to do, and more importantly not do. There are millions of examples of different expectations. This is something that one must discuss with their partner. Does she want me to not talk to other girls? Does he want me to come to him often? Does she want to sleep over after? The list can go on and on.

    The last major point of concern is honesty. If either, or both, parties are attempting to use the sex as a tool to achieve a love life more then that of the agreement, then they are performing a serious wrong, not only unto the other, but more importantly unto themselves. That person is misleading the other person, tricking them if you will, and when the other person finds out, it will break the harmony. Secondly, the dishonest person is also setting themselves up for a heart break.

    Platonic sex can in some cases actually be very beneficial, beyond the point of physical gratification. Some people have difficulties with what I like to call romantic patients; they simply donít know how to take their time. Having an experience of this nature can help an impatient person to learn to change their ways. To be more specific, a guy that is getting some isnít in so much of a hurry to get more. Although this sounds very dog-like it is nevertheless the truth. To more significance, a guy that finds it hard to take romantic episodes one step at a time, and to not smother the object of his desire, now is placed in a position whereby he has but not choice, and has in fact agreed to not make that jump from dating to commitment.

    Platonic sexís acceptability is and always will be different to all people of all walks of life; simply due to the difference in morals and beliefs. Trying to convince someone that feels strongly that its not a good thing, will most likely never have a change of heart no matter what you say to them, however, there are rare cases where some pinnacle in one life will change their outlook on things of this nature. Basically, donít try to make someone your platonic sex friend, you have to leave that one and find another.
    ďrevenge is a feast for the gods! And if they have reserved it, as priests tell us, to themselves, it is because they hold it an enjoyment too precious for the possession of mere mortalsĒ
    Sir Walter Scott
    Ivanhoe

  2. #2
    dancing before the storms baddad's Avatar
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    Platonic means non-sexual, or spiritual. So while your premise is somewhat discernible......perhaps another word choice is in order?

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    Registered User Ceahorse's Avatar
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    baddad

    I chose the word platonic with precise intent. Platnoic, as I know it, is having love without sexual activity. Consenqently, it would seem that you are correct in saying that i have selected an incorrect word, however, i use the words platnoic and sex attached together as sort of paradox. It is meant to make clear of the feelings each person has for the other, the degree of love. They feel that they have some love for one another, however, its not enough to fuel a life long journey.

    However, there is enough love to express it in physical conversation.

    Thanx,

    Ceahorse.
    Last edited by Ceahorse; 02-27-2005 at 12:02 AM.
    ďrevenge is a feast for the gods! And if they have reserved it, as priests tell us, to themselves, it is because they hold it an enjoyment too precious for the possession of mere mortalsĒ
    Sir Walter Scott
    Ivanhoe

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    dancing before the storms baddad's Avatar
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    bursting bubbles.....but with affection...

    " Ahh, Grasshopper, snatch the pebble from my hand." Sensi to pupil


    I do understand your statement, but the term chosen for it is an oxymoron. It can not make grammatical sense with any amount of wordsmith. Yes, sure, in an extremely broad sense I'm making a fuss over mere semantics, but it is not mere semantics in this case.

    The theme of your essay is an important one, a situation most human, and ubiquitious. But I think it is called 'casual sex', or plain ordinary 'sex'. It is not a crime, it isn't anything unusual, but tying the term into literary ribbons and bows to soften the act doesn't really do it justice. There is no need to justify the act of casual copulation. This type of involvement has been occurring since man began to walk upright (and probably before) so there is little need to justify its performance unless the justification is meant to assuage one's own conscience. And as for the discussion part, the setting of the 'ground-rules' which both parties must adhere to.......you may, and probably will, find that verbal contract or not, SEX CHANGES EVERY RELATIONSHIP. Eventually. Even and especially, amongst friends.There is no middle ground.

    Casual sex is as conventional as life gets. Thinking outside convention would be to have an actual platonic reltionship with a member of the opposite sex, a relationship that is just as intense as any relationship that included 'love' and sex. (my own emphasis on the 'love' word, but that is a whole different discussion)
    Last edited by baddad; 02-27-2005 at 02:16 AM.

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    Registered User Ceahorse's Avatar
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    First of all, I wish to take this opportunity to apologise for my lack in haste in replying to your well thought out reply. I am truly sorry, to some extent. I wonít bother with the pointless excuses, rather, just jump into my rebuttal.

    I wrote that letter out of direct experience, and truthfully, it made a huge difference. I understand that what you say about it seeming to be a letter to clear my conscience. However, you could not be more wrong. I never at any time entertained the thought that I was ever doing anything wrong. Sex to me isn't a sin, or as you more appropriately put it, a crime.

    It seems to me though that you burst my bubble not for the sense that you dislike the work, but quite on the contrary; I seem to have whetted your interest.

    Now you are very right in saying my title is something that is rather misleading. You are right that casual sex is something quite conventional these days. But the title got you to read it, did it not?

    RememberÖ I wrote this for the FUN of it. Not to convince. I had this conversation with a girl, which I must say; our relationship did in fact change since then. But I believe its more due to the fact that she feel in love, then on account of some after effects of a night of sweaty passion. Perhaps, I am wrong, but I will never really know.

    Although the title, and the choice of the word ďplatonicĒ are in fact open grounds for criticism (but I am still not convinced that the oxymoron {thanks for giving me the right term} doesnít work), I was hoping more to discuss the rules, and perhaps have some fun talking about sex, then to have my grammar attacked but a more then worthy adversary.

    Thank you for the time you took to tell me what you thought I really do appreciate it.

    Ceahorse
    ďrevenge is a feast for the gods! And if they have reserved it, as priests tell us, to themselves, it is because they hold it an enjoyment too precious for the possession of mere mortalsĒ
    Sir Walter Scott
    Ivanhoe

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    I must confess that when I read the first post, I was thinking platonic was more a reference to the absence of love more than anything else, but I guess that shows my own ignorance. Anyway, it has been covered, so Iíll move on!

    I personally would like to see you expand on how being unfaithful to a 3rd party is unacceptable in a loving relationship. I think demonstrating an understanding of what a loving relationship is, somehow gives more credibility to describing alternatives. Iím not necessarily talking about morality, but more from the reasons why someone would value faithfulness and trust over physical gratification.

    I didn't really follow the reasoning where romance can be improved by sexual experience, by simply satisfying sexual desire to remove a clouded judgement. Iím not even sure why romance should be a goal in this context?

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    Some guys are really platonic. Some women ask what they'd name the kid if one ended up happening. The guy ties off the condom, throws it in the trash, and says "We'll call him Houdini if he gets out of this one"

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