Distant Thoughts (for critique)

[Anselmus]

1. a. Still and quiet, the blur shade of night compels me
....b. Into its soft, mysterious mist of phantom tomorrows;
....c. Desire conceived in days long past, enduring – haunting.

2. a. My sight struggles through gnarled branches obscuring
....b. The city distant, expansive beyond my perception;
....c. A labyrinth concealing you in temptuous mockery.

3. a. Though only briefly met, you are impressed upon me -
....b. Simply as a full moon setting over the ocean surf -
....c. In my everyday thoughts and each beat of my heart.

4. a. Inspiration thriving, growing, invading my all;
....b. Faith calming, assuring, expanding throughout;
....c. And sweet, euphoric dreams of Heavenly descent.

5. a. As I gaze longingly into this cold veil unyielding
....b. I wonder where you are, what you are doing;
....c. Do you visit the depth of night and ponder...

6. a. Dare I lend myself to the thought that, maybe,
....b. You too look off into the dark night and consider
....c. Images of a tomorrow we might together share.

7. a. Dare I not..?

I'm at my wits-end editing this; perhaps a new perspective would help.

2. c. I know temptuous is not a word, alternately I was using seductive, but it seems most people understand a rough meaning of temptuous (indeed are surprised, as I as, that it is not technically a word), so I put it back in.
5. a. I'm not sure about the word 'cold'; it's a recent addition and I have yet to find an alternate.

[Scheherazade]

I really like this poem. Reminds me of ee cummings in some places.

[Jay]

1b - I like 'mysterious mist of phantom tomorrows'
2c - Temptuous is not a word? Sure looks like one.
5a - chilly? Though I think 'cold' is ok, what's wrong with it?
5c - very nice line
6a,b,c - that's so sweet, I love it lots

for stanza 7 or more, I think it might be a good idea to describe the 6c, "Images of a tomorrow we might together share" ?

[Avalive]

B.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l.

One of the best poems I've read recently

[Helga]

I love it as it is now, perfect. One of the best poems I have read on this website

[Anselmus]

Thank you all very much for sharing your thoughts. I'm still uncertain as to whether or not I feel its complete so I'm taking a break from it for a bit. If I make changes I'll post them again.

I appreciate your assistance