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Thread: Subject Poetry Contest.

  1. #331
    wanderer autolycus's Avatar
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    Deja Vu

    We didn't start the fire burning
    Said Hicksville's most sagacious poet
    Yet for all the world still turning
    It feels as if there's something to it.

    I saw what I'd not seen before
    I have seen what I'd not seen again
    And yet I thought that what I saw
    Was something that I saw back then

    That feeling is the sense defined
    By walking in Columbia's glades
    A newer world than left behind
    Yet full of memory's dim shades.

    He didn't do it, didn't act
    Within the compass of his days
    And yet he feels the chilly fact
    That he had trod those unknown ways.

    She didn't say it, says it still
    That wasn't said and yet it seems
    Against her knowledge and her will
    She said it once before ó*in dreams?

    You know it's new and never seen
    A never-never scene to you
    And yet it hovers in between:
    These words, that act, this deja vu.
    se non e vero, e molto ben'trovato

  2. #332
    Registered User angliholic's Avatar
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    Wink


    Deja Vu ~Bougainvillia

    You shivered outside
    alone
    in early morning chill!
    The way your green blouse blew gently
    in autumn breeze
    still and will always linger in my mind.

    The purple corsages
    you wore
    were intoxicatingly beautiful,
    caught,
    and opened my drowsy eyes.

    It's a deja vu feeling!

    A stroll down memory lane,
    I vaguely recall
    we made a promise a thousand years ago
    to meet again
    somehow sometime somewhere
    whatever the cost!



    Try to live in harmony with people and nature


  3. #333
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    OK, I declare time up, and will forthwith give the winner.

    First I'd like to say this: these are contests judged by a fellow poet who was fortunate enough to win last time. As such, they will always be judged on a manner of personal taste and expectations. That's just the beauty of these contests.

    hillwalker You had a technically wonderful poem. But my own feeling is that profanity has no place in poetry beyond a single minor swear word for emphasis. My opinion only.

    miyako73 I liked the poem, but I am not sure it fulfills what I was looking for. Sorry.

    Dark Muse Totally loved the poem. I found this stanza particularly strong

    I caught the glitch
    when the overlay delayed
    and I stood waiting by the bus stop
    and I stood waiting by the bust stop.


    Yes Deja Vu could be described as a "glitch in time."

    AdoreroDio The reversal effect in your poem is sheer genius, like living it over again in reverse order so that you strongly remember what happened. Brilliant!

    Autolycus You had perhaps the strongest ending to your poem.

    You know it's new and never seen
    A never-never scene to you
    And yet it hovers in between:
    These words, that act, this deja vu.


    Loved it!

    angliholic You also closed your poem on a high note that was very wonderful!

    A stroll down memory lane,
    I vaguely recall
    we made a promise a thousand years ago
    to meet again
    somehow sometime somewhere


    Great stuff!

    But I must declare only one winner, and for her sheer brilliance with that reversed look at something happening over again, the winner is:

    Andy Dio! Congrads!
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  4. #334
    wanderer autolycus's Avatar
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    Thanks for judging, Pen! And congrats to AD!
    se non e vero, e molto ben'trovato

  5. #335
    The Poetic Warrior Dark Muse's Avatar
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    Congrats to the winner, and thank you Pendragon for your kind remarks. I was inspired by the Matrix. As soon as I saw Deja Vu the first thing that popped into my head was a scene from the movie where there was an instantance of deja vu, and it was explained as being a glitch in the system.

    Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ~ Edgar Allan Poe

  6. #336
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    Thanks Pen, and congraulations to the worthy winner!!

  7. #337
    Registered User AdoreroDio's Avatar
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    Wow I won, haha. Thank you!

    Next Subject I suppose shall be... *drum roll*

    The Last Meal
    "O reason, reason, abstract phantom of the waking state, I had already expelled you from my dreams, now I have reached a point where those dreams are about to become fused with apparent realities: now there is only room here for myself. "
    -Louis Aragon


  8. #338
    wanderer autolycus's Avatar
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    The Last Meal

    A man walks down the street
    He says, "Why am I hanging alone down here?
    Why am I hanging alone down?
    Why has my life been so damn hard?
    I need a psychoanalysis now,
    I want a shot at redemption,
    Don't want to end up in a poem
    In a subject poetry contest!"

    When I was young and dying
    I was young and green as hell
    Can I call on Dylan
    Dylan Thomas he calls me
    And I call me, Al!

    A man walked down the street...
    He is stringing out, stringing out the tension
    Knowing he has no more pretension
    He walked into an alley way
    Unfortunate incident one day
    Blood on the walls
    Money for the lawyers
    Many many lawyers
    He sees lawyers in the architecture
    Spinning out the legal system
    The strings and webs of legal fiction...

    When I was young and dying
    I was young and green as hell
    Can I call on Dylan
    Dylan Thomas he calls me
    And I call me, Al!

    This is his longest walk, is he done walking?
    He doesn't know, forever walking!
    The sun is strangely hot at dawn
    His necktie is oddly thick and strong
    It's like the Third World!
    He has no money,
    He doesn't speak the language,
    He is surrounded by the sound
    Sound, sound, all around the ground

    Then he's young and dying
    He is young and green as hell
    He calls out for Dylan
    His Dylan thought bobbles at
    The last:
    Me
    Al.
    se non e vero, e molto ben'trovato

  9. #339
    The Poetic Warrior Dark Muse's Avatar
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    Death is a Gentleman

    Death has come to sit
    at my table tonight
    we dine before the
    hallow candlelight.

    The wind howls
    at my door, with the
    braying hounds,
    seeking another soul
    to drag into the
    cavernous darkness.

    But Death can wait,
    he above us all
    can sit king over time,
    there is no need to rush
    but like a fine wine
    savor these last moments
    upon earth.

    I break bread with
    the shadow that seems
    to loom over all
    and we share a drink
    to reminisce over times
    past and gone.

    When you take the time
    to get to know him I find
    that he really is quite
    the gentleman.

    And even before
    the most humblest affairs
    is grateful to be invited
    before the fire.

    But all too soon
    the hours slip by
    and at last the moment
    has arrived for my
    companion and I
    to prepare for the long
    ride.

    He leads me out
    into the gentle night
    with a final good-bye,
    in his chariot I mount
    and away we fly.

    Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ~ Edgar Allan Poe

  10. #340
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    The Last Meal.

    The restaurant wasn’t crowded,
    and the quiet pair
    with silent smiles,
    revelled in their intimate
    reflections in the evening window glass.

    Enjoying food for thought
    and the music of their love,
    they drank to each other
    with their eyes, the woman’s kiss
    a lipstick trace in red upon a rim.

    A candle flame entranced,
    and danced between -
    a sinuous wisp,
    that pooled in fluid amber light
    which bathed two faces in its gleam.

    And while they ate the food
    that fed another hunger,
    anticipation grew,
    with quickening hearts
    and thoughts of touching in the dark.

    Until, a momentary glare of headlamps,
    an engine’s dying scream,
    the wine and blood that mingled
    in the broken glass
    amid their shattered dreams.

  11. #341
    Registered User AdoreroDio's Avatar
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    Fantabulous start!

    I'll set the deadline as September 28

    :]]]
    Last edited by AdoreroDio; 09-09-2010 at 02:21 PM.
    "O reason, reason, abstract phantom of the waking state, I had already expelled you from my dreams, now I have reached a point where those dreams are about to become fused with apparent realities: now there is only room here for myself. "
    -Louis Aragon


  12. #342
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    THE LAST MEAL

    The slingshot moon
    sprays stars towards horizon
    grey aurora barely lighting up the snowfields
    caged beneath the tines of pine trees
    as their mesh of shadow pins me down
    but still I find an opening
    where glaciers blaze with fire
    yet bestow a chill upon
    this haunting silence and the empty echo of an aching night.

    The forest nurtures scents and tastes
    distilled in one deep breath
    an overload of hunger and decay
    as every step shakes loose these bones beneath my pelt
    the whistle of buran a constant gnawing at my tail.

    Sometimes I stop and spin inside my judas tracks
    Iím usually swift enough to shake them loose
    that slinking predator, mortality
    death dragging closer by the day
    its chain of famine like a weight that never lightens.

    Other times I sense its steel trap gaping
    at the loose ends of my tether up ahead
    one step too many for another meal.

    This howl you hear is not of reckless rage,
    my dying song;
    it merely signifies my final meal
    was something I no longer can recall
    the taste of blood a week or more ago
    this howl is winter
    crying victory.


    H

  13. #343
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Last Meal For a Convict

    They brought me my steak and French fries today,
    Told me to enjoy while there was still time—
    The clock says the hours are counting down fast
    At midnight the Grim Reaper calls
    I don’t claim that I'm innocent and do not deserve to die
    I know the cold mistakes that I made
    But I wonder about the kids starving abroad
    And the irony of giving a man a very fine meal
    When he is to die in four hours by execution
    While a good part of the world creeps towards death by starvation

    Pendragon
    © 9/12/2010
    Last edited by Pendragon; 09-17-2010 at 09:44 PM.
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  14. #344
    Registered User miyako73's Avatar
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    Pen, I'm not questioning your judgement. Saying that I did not use "Deja Vu" correctly seems to me that you did not understand the poem at all. "Deja Vu" in my poem is both a Vietnamese woman's alias and a familiar experience.

    Let's get real. Do you think "Knew I things past?" makes sense? That line assaulted the little grammar and good stuff I have known about the English language. Poetic license is old. Give another sensible reason.
    Last edited by miyako73; 09-16-2010 at 02:51 AM.

  15. #345
    Registered User miyako73's Avatar
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    Pendragon sent me a private message:

    "I find you latest comment on the Subject Poetry Contest to be in very poor taste. To complain about how your own poem was judged is one thing. To cast stones at the winner's poem is quite another. I feel you should delete your hateful post.

    The choice of winner was mine and mine alone. I did not have to grace anyone else's poetry with a comment. That I always take the time to do so is out of respect for my fellow poets.

    I told you when I posted that things were just my opinion. If you are going to be so sensitive about any criticism, you might not want to post poetry in these contests. Many has been the time I disagreed with both the choice of winning poem (feeling mine was much better) and the comments made about my poem. But these are contests judged by our peers. Tastes vary exceedingly.

    My advice, lighten up.
    , and get your knickers out of a twist. You sound a lot like sour grapes.

    Pendragon"

    My message:

    Respect the English language. Get real. Have someone read this: "Knew I things past?"

    With this line, "Many has been the time I disagreed with both the choice of winning poem (feeling mine was much better) and the comments made about my poem.", coming from you, now I know.
    Last edited by miyako73; 09-17-2010 at 12:06 AM.

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