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Thread: The Old Classic Q about Love

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    precious... subterranean's Avatar
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    The Old Classic Q about Love

    Is it love or is it just the idea of being in love? How'd you differentiate them?

    The first means that you do love the person and the later means that you think that you love someone but you actually don't love the person


    "there are people in the world so hungry that God can not appear to them except in the form of bread"

    Mahatma Gandhi

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    Expert Waffler Snukes's Avatar
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    I'd suggest that between being in love with a person and being in love with the idea of being in love, the levels of happiness may differ.

    If you're really in love with someone, you are happy. If the person doesn't return your love, you might be frustrated, but thinking of that person, being with that person, planning your future with that person - in general - makes you happy.

    If you only think you're in love (say, you're with a really good person and *wish* you could love them, or have been desperate for someone for so long that you latch on to the first person who comes along) you end up spending a lot of time wondering why things aren't perfect. You like the attention, you're flattered by compliments and gifts, but when it comes right down to it, can you happily imagine spending the rest of your life with this person?

    Perhaps a question like "what would I do if this person cheated on me?" or "where will we be in 20 years?" could help you deduce the depth (or shallowness) of feelings.

    There's also the distracting possibility of being "in lust" with someone, which throws whole new shades of complication on the question.

    Personally, I believe real love is a question of being a better person due to the support and presence of the beloved, whereas immitations of love manifest in more selfish ways. Of course, all love must be a little selfish. Or so I think.
    100,000 lemmings can't be wrong. ~heard from a friend
    Life is the first gift, love is the second, understanding the third. ~ Marge Piercy
    Earth's crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God;
    but only he who sees takes of his shoes. ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

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    Registered User Anselmus's Avatar
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    One of the long-time toughies

    Not unlike the meaning of life, people have been discussing this - figure out the meaningful differences - for...well, a while.

    I think one of the key factors (common mistakes) is not filling in unknowns with desirable fancies - which is incredibly difficult to keep from doing - like building someone up on a pedestal (which is common to the 'in love with being in love'). This goes into the entire acceptance of character flaws and what-not. You have to be open to new experiences, differences, and change - many things that these include are instinctively undesirable.

    But then, even if you discover how to do this, your loved one must also know...

    Yet, the detials of these challenges vary from individual to individual, same as for each individual's desired love - so, it's not hard to see where the difficulty comes.

    I hope this makes sense; I find this subject immensely interesting and equally as complex.
    “Yet love seeketh not his own! Dear,
    You may take my happiness to make you happier,
    Even though you never know I gave it you –
    Only let me hear sometimes, all alone,
    The distant laughter of your joy!...”

  4. #4
    L'artiste est morte crisaor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by subterranean
    Is it love or is it just the idea of being in love? How'd you differentiate them?
    I think it's hard to differentiate between them because usually oneself won't let him/herself see the difference. Everything in the relationship (and those things connected to it) just works better if you think the bond between the people is mutual love, at least from oneself perspective. Or, maybe one does know the difference, but won't let him/herself accept it (i.e. if one believes the other one loves him, it would be "unfair" to not return in kind, so to speak).
    Personally, I think the only time when someone can objectively tell the difference is when the relationship is over. When that happens, there's no more obligations pressing the mind, feelings (past and present) appear as what they are. If you can't possibly make the transition to the new situation, chances are you were in love, specially when this doesn't change with time.
    Anyway, every person is its in itself its own universe, so the above may perfectly not apply, of course. It's just one of those general rules one comes by every now and then.
    Ningún hombre llega a ser lo que es por lo que escribe, sino por lo que lee.
    - Jorge Luis Borges

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    precious... subterranean's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snukes
    If you only think you're in love (say, you're with a really good person and *wish* you could love them, or have been desperate for someone for so long that you latch on to the first person who comes along) you end up spending a lot of time wondering why things aren't perfect. You like the attention, you're flattered by compliments and gifts, but when it comes right down to it, can you happily imagine spending the rest of your life with this person?
    Good point

    Perhaps a question like "what would I do if this person cheated on me?" or "where will we be in 20 years?" could help you deduce the depth (or shallowness) of feelings.
    Yes, I agree with the shallowness point.


    "there are people in the world so hungry that God can not appear to them except in the form of bread"

    Mahatma Gandhi

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    King of Plastic Spoons imthefoolonthehill's Avatar
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    ask the bard.

    Sonnet 116.

    that should give you a direct answer to your question.... if not a satisfactory one



    ask the bible.

    Song of Songs (song of Solomen in some versions)

    This is a little more indirect, but I think it still relates to your question, and its my favorite part of the Bible.

    The little subheading the publishers of my Bible added at the start of song of songs is "Love the way its supposed to be"

    Some think its "an allegory of love between God and his people"... but i'm not so sure of that... what i am sure of is that its one of the world's oldest recorded love songs.



    Ask yourself. Think about it. You might not get an answer that satisfies you... but you might get a little closer. Just don't let it drive you up a wall... for too long. :-)
    Told by a fool, signifying nothing.

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    precious... subterranean's Avatar
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    Why thank You Fool...


    "there are people in the world so hungry that God can not appear to them except in the form of bread"

    Mahatma Gandhi

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    King of Plastic Spoons imthefoolonthehill's Avatar
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    no problem... i figure these guys know better than i do on the subject....

    that question can become haunting, even painful... but i'm pretty sure everyone asks it at least once sometime in their life...
    Told by a fool, signifying nothing.

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    precious... subterranean's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by imthefoolonthehill

    that question can become haunting, even painful... but i'm pretty sure everyone asks it at least once sometime in their life...
    True Fool. I asked this question to my bf and he thought that I was doubting him and further he beginning to doubt my feelings for him.


    "there are people in the world so hungry that God can not appear to them except in the form of bread"

    Mahatma Gandhi

  10. #10
    Good morning, Campers! Jay's Avatar
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    Hey, funny you should bring up this topic, SubT. Latelly I was wondering if I'm in love or in love with being in love. Thing is after talking it over with a few friends I'm still not sure and am doubting myself cos I don't know if they're right or if I'm right. Hey this is confusing .
    Have you worked out the problem with your bf yet? Or is he still doubting your feelings for him? Dare I ask... well, I do actually... do you doubt his feelings for you?
    I have a plan: attack!

  11. #11
    dancing before the storms baddad's Avatar
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    Love according to the Psychology (Brain and Behavior) text books: Chemically induced feelings of euphoria lasting between 18 and 36 months. Elevated levels of dopamines are attributed with being responsible for these feelings of attraction, happiness, etc.

    ....OHHH......that is just so romantic!!!!

    But, if it is not true 'LOVE' (love = chemical reaction) these feelings will disipate in a much shorter period of time for most people.

    *......I am always so pleased when my education can be put to such good use....*

    .........*or not....*

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    Pièce de Résistance Scheherazade's Avatar
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    So you cannot love someone more than 36 months?
    *begs to differ*
    Last edited by Scheherazade; 01-26-2005 at 10:34 AM.
    ~
    "It is not that I am mad; it is only that my head is different from yours.”
    ~


  13. #13
    Good morning, Campers! Jay's Avatar
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    *SECONDS Scher and glares at baddad *
    I have a plan: attack!

  14. #14
    King of Plastic Spoons imthefoolonthehill's Avatar
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    it is difficult to describe love using naturalistic terms in a way that could be agreed upon.
    Told by a fool, signifying nothing.

  15. #15
    dancing before the storms baddad's Avatar
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    Well, of course I am not claiming you cannot love someone longer than 36 months! Love as the euphoric wonder felt at the start of most love affairs is what I am claiming as a chemical reaction. 'Love', as most people would describe it, morphs into something quite removed from this euphoria as time spent in a relationship accumulates. The euphoria may linger, but caring, sharing, compromise, patience, and a host of other maintenance techniques are required, are indeed mandatory, in order for any relationship to sustain itself longer than the science indicates.......in a general sense.....

    But hey, I'm a hopeless romantic myself, and I still believe in the fairytale love.......after all, it has been drilled into us since we were children...

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