Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Fantasy Story

  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    1

    Fantasy Story

    Valdeth was the most beautiful elf in all the lands of Kalmera. He was the son of the king of the saetharin elves, Valgar. The elves had ruled only ever in their own country and in it they ruled peacefully and mercifully. They would grant passage through Kalmera to any man, dwarf or other creature that would ask of it. Yet the days were growing dark, and it was their hope that in all things goodness resided that brought this upon them.
    Valdeth awoke that morning from a disturbing dream. He did not sweat or show any sign of it from the outside, but for the first time in this world; an elf was afraid. He lay there thinking of the dream, the cold flash of steel and the blackness that followed. The screams and the running, yet he could not recall what the people of the city were running from. Kalthoras was a beautiful city, with white halls and red pillars around every corner. Golden trees and blue streams ran through the city and around it. Yet in his dream, the white buildings were now scarred black, the trees left leafless and the rivers red with blood. He quickly told the story of his dream to Leiras his wife, but she smiled. Her young son Valras played in the fields of their grand lawn and at the time he was looking at his parents with anticipation. He thought that they had news for him to hear and approached them. Leiras whispered to Valdeth to be quiet, and not to speak of any of this to their son. ‘Father, what troubles you so?’ questioned Valras as he could see a distinct difference within his father’s eyes. Valdeth turned and spoke of going to see the king. Valras turned to his mother and was about to ask her also, when she suddenly put a finger gracefully over his mouth and told his to shush. ‘The things your father does or knows are too great for you to understand. You must believe me my son, when the time is ready you will know yourself.’ With those words she left and travelled to her dorm. Valras, being only seven years of age had no idea what his mother had just told him. He pondered on it for several seconds then decided to let it be and left for the courtyard.
    When the king heard the story he issued it a prophecy. He ordered his elves to take up arms like the men from the west. They wore armour for the first time, and crafted weapons of little skill. ‘I believe in you Valdeth’ announced the king to the halls of his ruling. ‘We elves are of a higher grace than the people of this world, yet we know not of any weapons and fighting techniques for which to defend ourselves. We must listen to every dream and every word that is said to us.’ Valdeth nodded and asked if he could lead a small group of men to the west lands of Kalmera as he feared that it was the short lived race of men who attacked in his prophecy. Valgar allowed this and so it was that doom of the city of Kalthoras was set into motion. The scouting group advanced to the west and saw not men, but black shields, black armour and black swords. Something was flying towards them at high speed at within moments screams of pain and agony surrounded the scouting party. Some tried to flee but fell before taking even three steps. And so Valdeth, heir to the throne of Kalmera was lost.


    ---

    This is my first attempt at writing any type of story. I came on here to find constructive criticism and help. Thanks for reading.

  2. #2
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    1
    Good, but you went a little bit overboard on made up words.

  3. #3
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    21
    Not too bad. I am not a huge fantasy fan, but your story did pull me in. I especially like the tragic ending, though it leaves mystery and maybe came a bit too soon.

Similar Threads

  1. Revels before Lent
    By SleepyWitch in forum Short Story Sharing
    Replies: 90
    Last Post: 08-24-2007, 03:11 AM
  2. The Story
    By Nina in forum Peter Pan
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-26-2006, 02:04 AM
  3. Halloween Read: The Legend of Sleepy Hollow
    By Nightshade in forum General Literature
    Replies: 61
    Last Post: 11-11-2005, 08:48 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •