Manipulation, Deceit, Posturing, and Fraudulence

[Mr. Vandemar]

From my limited experience in life I have noticed that almost everyone is looking to manipulate someone else. It is difficult for me to spot it, especially when the person is older than myself or critically different, in which case it takes me a few months or even years to even notice. I think that I am "innocent", in a way, because of my ignorance of the abundance of deception and manipulation in our society.

I do not think like a woman. This means that I am more susceptible to manipulation from women than men. For example, a few months ago, my ex-girlfriend asked me who I've had relations with (long after we had broken up). It was completely irrelevant, and took me awhile to realize that she was just being nosey. She told me that she had been worried for months and told me that I should take a test. At first I thought it was funny, and then I realized that she was genuinely trying to hurt and embarrass me without any provocation on my part. It was merely a ploy to try to get me to spill my secrets so she could gossip about me. She brought up some experiences at parties that her friends had discussed about with her (behind my back) which I will not go into detail. I took it as an insult to my intelligence, and have not since spoken to her. I felt as if during that relationship that my only reason for being there was to give her attention. Do you know what I mean? It had nothing to do with me, it only was because I was there.


I made friends with her and some girls that were sort of her friends earlier this year, and over the period that I hung out with them I would notice the web of social tensions and complex intricacies between their friendships. They would be different when certain people were around, and still act as if they were normal. After awhile I got sick to my stomach and realized that these girls were not the "nice" kind of girls. Then I decided to stay away from them.

I only wonder how they were when I was not around.

Do not get me wrong, I think that men do the same thing. I am lucky, I chose good friends. These friends do not act in such a way.

What are your experiences with manipulation? How do you deal with it? Are there any suggestions you have for me that will help me spot them before it becomes too late? I know to look for someone being too nice, or someone acting as if I am special. I am good at analyzing people, but when someone is genuine in their "want" but not truthful with their motive; then I become confused.

Everybody wants something. I don't see why it can't just be me, not something that I can do for them...

[sprinks]

Thats a bit of a hard question because every one is so individual. Luckily the people I know that are manipulative are aware of the fact, and they make sure they don't hurt those that they love - at least not intentionally.

I used to always try to manipulate people into things so as to make myself feel better, like I'd always say certain things to get a certain response or I'd do certain things in order to get a specific retaliation. After I realised that this only works so well, I stopped doing it.

I remember when I was in primary school, I think it was year 5, where I had one really good friend, and she became friends with another girl. The other girl and I didn't get on so well, but I put up with her so as not to lose my good friend. The only thing, was that when my good friend was away from school, the other girl would complain about her to no end, picking on everything about her. But even worse was that my good friend was no different! When the other girl was away my good friend would complain about her! It took me about a year before I thought and realised, what if they did that about me when I was away?! At that point in time I was not emotionally strong enough to defend my opinion, and just agreed with what each one said - giving them already a reason to talk about me behind my back too. It often starts at a young age, sadly.

Just of course be careful, you don't want to be so paranoid about people being manipulative that you miss the genuine honesty of some people. Some people just are really nice and there's no ulterior motive.

The only times I've been oblivious to manipulation was when I didn't want to believe that the person could act that way. Everyone else knew it, I just refused to. But after talking about it with them, I acknowledged it... I do still see a lot of good in that person though, despite their manipulative nature. Other times I've been able to spot when people are being manipulative. Not sure how exactly, I've just been able to tell.

[EAP]

That's not manipulation. That's DRAMA.

[Mr. Vandemar]

I am completely outside of it and I can see how stupid it is.

[blazeofglory]

Manipulation is a drama of life. And that is how man proceeds and succeeds in life. Doing something undoable, and presenting something unrepresentable. Man manipulates above and over his capacities and that is what he calls progress.
Deceiving is his nature and learned from the philosophy of struggling for existence.

[kiz_paws]

Everybody wants something. I don't see why it can't just be me, not something that I can do for them...

Don't give up on people, though, Mr.V. You have been burned by a sorry lot of people. But don't judge all based on what you went through with this girl and her friends (CAN she have friends? Sounds very shallow if you ask me -- sorry for my own judgement).

Anyhow, you're better off alone than with her/them, and there are good people out there, I promise. Treat the whole thing as a learning experience and you'll be better off.

Take care,
K♥zzo