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Thread: hopes facade

  1. #1
    Falling down like an omen lucidnightmares's Avatar
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    hopes facade

    hope, there never was so fruitless a tree
    as this life that haunts with destiny

    try to belief, to try withstand
    only to falter just as planned

    so go ahead and blame your god
    but don`t you find your resentment odd?

    can god ruin a life? or i man to blame
    can we blame another to cover our shame?

    and everyday we lose to hope, lost within our own twisted dreams
    lost our compassion, watched faces writhe, listened intently to shallow screams.
    Last edited by lucidnightmares; 04-03-2008 at 02:58 PM. Reason: wanted to make it flow better, thanks pen :)

    what i used to be will pass away and then you`ll see that all i want to know is happiness for you and me...

  2. #2
    The burning dark ShadowFire's Avatar
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    As always lucidnightmares well done. I love the last stanza the best but I am also liking the first line "there never was so fruitless a tree". The last stanza is interesting and I feel it on a personal note. Thank you for sharing your poetry with us.

    No matter what lies beyond the horizon, you can always find a guiding light.

  3. #3
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Smile

    Let me see here, lucid: your title is "Hope's Facade" correct?

    That would make the first line: hope...

    May I suggest you join that to your line: there never was so fruitless a tree with an em dash like so:
    hope—there never was so fruitless a tree
    to keep your lines all one length? I love the poem, that's the only change I would make and it's an artistic thing more or less, take with a granule of sodium chloride, to put it poeticly!
    Last edited by Pendragon; 04-03-2008 at 12:49 PM.
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  4. #4
    Very dark poem, but well written.
    For great book reviews visit:
    inkweaver-review.blogspot.com

  5. #5
    i am with ShadowFire there,
    i really like the last stanza
    but i like the second stanza too, they both just seem to scream what i think and feel
    i like your poem, thanks for posting
    roller-coaster of emotions

  6. #6
    Falling down like an omen lucidnightmares's Avatar
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    in all honesty i never thought this would be reviewed at all.
    I am very grateful you guys took the time to read and comment.
    As for Pendragon, i agree, as i read over it. replacing one word would actually make the poem more fluent.
    thanks alot everyone.
    hopefully i`ll take my next poem in another direction


    what i used to be will pass away and then you`ll see that all i want to know is happiness for you and me...

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