*This was a journal entry of mine that I turned into an essay.
January 26, 2008
I’ve pondered over this topic for quite some time now. How exactly do I define love? There are many different ways to apply the term, and on top of that I must consider the term spiritually as well as intellectually. Though I still think I have yet to truly experience a mutual love outside of my family, I believe that my definition is accurate because I do know the love of God and I do love myself. Perhaps I can convey this theory with more clarity in this essay.
“We are all cut of the same cloth” is what rings in my mind when I ponder this topic. We are all ‘in this’ together, time will eventually lead us all to the same end. As you and I experience the positives and negatives, the good times and bad in life, so too does every other reasoning human mind on this planet. Race, religion, political standing, nationality, class, wealth,… how trivial or important are these things to you, are they not all man-made, are they not all artificial? Why is it that these things matter so much when we consider whether or not we like or love someone? Or am I wrong? Maybe I’m just blind and people really do create their opinions of others based on the one and only thing that really does matter: integrity of character. Why is it that such superficial terms exist, why are humans so bent on separating instead of unifying, why has humanity created so many things to hate and disagree with and chastise. In simplicity you can find the sublime; it doesn’t take much to love someone, in this definition of love you just need to know that we are all brethren to one another.
Have you ever considered the love of God? Many religions refer to God as a “Father” which is also how I look at God, as a parent, a guardian, as an entity who loves it’s children under any circumstance. Why is this? When I think about it, I think of a normal parent-child relationship. I do not have children yet, but I believe that a parent loves his/her child un-conditionally because that child is an extension of themselves. We were conceived by God, whether from consciousness or from flesh Adam was made from God. Therefore, Adam was a part of God, if you will, an extension of God. Eve, who was directly born of Adam’s rib was an extension of Adam who was an extension of God and thus an extension of God as well. And so, their children and their children’s children and so-on and so-forth up until the generations of today. God is selfish, I’ve considered this for quite some time now, this is why He loves us so; God loves Himself, therefore, it’s only rational that He loves that which is of Him. Taking God out of the equation though, do we not love our families in the same manner? Do we not accept and love our family members with such a simple notion, at their portion, un-conditionally? When we come across instances where a parent or family disowns or abandons a member of their own family willingly this, to me, is just proof that humanity is flawed.
I love everyone equally, be it family, friend, enemy, or what have you. I choose this, again, because we are all ’cut of the same cloth’, because we are all brethren, we are all in this together, as humans, time will deliver us all to the same end on this detestable planet. I’m not one to use words loosely , please don’t mistake the word ’love’ and the word ’like’. Surely I’m not the only one that’s had their parent’s say “ I love you, but I don’t love what you do”, it’s a simple example. In reality, there are very few people I can truly say that I like, however, again, I do not use words loosely. Although I can’t truly say there are many people I like, I also can’t truly say that there’s many people of whom I dislike. Why is it that I say I love everyone though? My definition of love has to do with my own selfish nature and my definition of happiness. Firstly, I believe that to love someone means that you want for that person to attain happiness. But, isn’t it a contradiction to be an egoist that wants to help someone else? No, not if my own true desire is to do so, and not if I can do so without destroying my own integrity of character. All I wish on another human being is that they can live their lives wholly from within, that they can truly be themselves in everything they do and say, that they can live this way in every aspect of human existence. I wish this for others because I can’t see myself being truly happy in the shadow of someone else, and what else can I wish for someone else other than what I have found happiness in. Perhaps, for some reason, some people can’t find happiness in that concept, this, to me, is irrelevant, for I can only live my own life to the fullest and follow the constitution of my own free will and not another‘s.
Be warned, I may get a little sappy in the next couple of paragraphs, sorry, this is just what I believe to be true. Anyways, the word love has many applications as I mentioned earlier. I’ve been told before that the love between a man and a woman, the most intimate kind of love, is only a chemical impulse, that it’s just nature’s way of ensuring that humanity reproduces and only lasts for a few months. Alas, I am somewhat of a romantic and although this is a very reasonable philosophy I don’t believe it at all. I do believe in love at first sight, soul mates, and a mutual kind of love that transcends the limitations of human understanding. I believe that most people realize the fundamental differences between the male and female species. Men tend to apply reason and when they come across a problem they try to fix it, basically men are simple and easy to please. Women tend to rely more on their feelings and emotions, not to say they don’t apply their rationale in their lives, just not as much as men do. I think it would be safe to say that both sexes mutually compliment each other. It seems to me that the aspects of life that a man would be lacking a woman would excel and visa versa. I believe there is a reason for this, and I believe this is because we are incomplete as humans on our own. When we find our ‘significant other’ the two incomplete lives out of balance become one complete life in harmony.
Perhaps it would be more fair to say that this is what I want to believe since I have yet to experience such an intimate love. I want to think that I will find the woman who completes me. I want to find the woman that, even if the entire world becomes my enemy she will still be with me supporting and encouraging me. I want to think that there’s a woman out there whom, if I meet and fall in love with, I would not be capable of living and attaining happiness without. How is it that I can believe in such a love? Even I wonder sometimes, I look around and see and meet so many divorcees and single parents and wonder what went wrong. I see married couples that have been together 20+ years that seem to be forcing themselves to endure. I still don’t lose my faith, I still believe that kind of love can exist. I think it takes patience to find it though, I also know that it won’t be completely perfect because we are all human.
What is it to say those three words to someone special “I love you”. To say it to someone who is not bound to you through family; to someone who could be considered a “stranger”. Do people really know what it means to say it? I like to think I do. I simply break down the phrase. “I“, me my true self, “love“, an intense feeling of positive emotion toward, or enjoyment of, a person, “you“, the true self of whom you direct these words to. I live my life as an egoist which means somebody who believes that the correct basis for morality is self-interest. How is it that you define true love? I say that true love can be measured by sacrifice. Indeed, to be an egoist sacrificing himself for someone else, how oxymoronic is that? I just see it as that much more of a testament to love when it’s confessed. Yes “I love you” not “I love you, but I wish you were more…” no, it’s “ I love you because you’re you, no more and no less at you’re portion”. I wish to love and be loved by another egoist, to know that a selfish and normally self-serving woman would go out of her way to sacrifice for the sake of loving someone who is other than herself, and me for her. Indeed, for two true individuals to become a single individual entity is truly precious and beautiful,… to me.
In my opinion, I think it’s important for someone to gain a deeper understanding of love before they try to get married and have children. Are these not the two outcomes of love? I’ve never been able to understand how people can get married and have kids (not necessarily in that order) before their senior year of high school. I’m even more perplexed by the confused and sad faces of both parties when the divorce happens in less than five years. I’m not saying that true love can’t be found at that age but, how are people who haven’t even fully matured physically and mentally supposed to even know what love is? People tend to look at me side-ways when I tell them I don’t plan on getting married until I’m about thirty and I don’t want kids until I’m about thirty-five. Well, what is it that people want when they fall in love, I can’t speak honestly for anyone but myself, so, I want happiness, period. When I speak of having a wife and children my happiness depends on their happiness, my suffering is their suffering etc. How can I make someone else happy when I don’t even know what will make me happy. I don’t want to have a wife and kids that are un-happy, I want to make sure that when the time comes happiness for me and my family will be almost effortless, therefore, I want to take the time to reach a state of knowing without a doubt that I can make them happy before I even try.
I’ll close with this, one of the few things I can say is still pure and good on this planet; that I can say is truly positive beyond question is love. Look at what atrocities mankind has created throughout history: war, crime, racism, false religion, governments that starve their own countries, incurable diseases, of all these things is it not love that transcends and counters almost all negativity? Does money, a good job, a home, and a car, not cause the recipient stress and worry? Love doesn’t cost a thing and I have yet to find anything negative about it. Even the most despicable people on the planet can cleanse themselves in love, I believe. I believe that mutual human love must be the greatest natural gift to mankind.