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Thread: "Hogging Ground"

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    "Hogging Ground"




    Hogging Ground

    How mean is Winter, what a miser with his light,
    received so desperately, as when a desert gets rare rain.
    So furry figures of folklore are forever held in doubt.
    A glimpse, through a seasonally neglected pane:
    pink and purple streaks alleged that Spring might come again,
    and with it marched in strangers, creatures seldom seen:
    possibilities of hope for other things, things of green,
    blue skies, brightness, perhaps a hint of love–- the sun was out!
    The next day’s dank clouds and winds waged another bout
    which fought to freeze – - or melt – - the optimism of one
    who'd seen and been fooled by the February sun.


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  2. #2
    Non Compos Mentis Anza's Avatar
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    I really like it
    If it's worth complaining about, it's completely worth doing yourself!

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    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Surely it's time to reconsider the value of alliteration? It ought to be used sparingly, I believe (unless for comic effect), to lend emphasis where needed. It was unobjectionable (because not blatant) in the first two lines, but when I came to:

    Quote Originally Posted by AuntShecky View Post

    So furry figures of folklore are forever held in doubt.
    I fairly freaked out at the fulsomeness of this!

  4. #4
    feathers firefangled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AuntShecky View Post



    Hogging Ground

    How mean is Winter, what a miser with his light,
    received so desperately, as when a desert gets rare rain.
    So furry figures of folklore are forever held in doubt.
    A glimpse, through a seasonally neglected pane:
    pink and purple streaks alleged that Spring might come again,
    and with it marched in strangers, creatures seldom seen:
    possibilities of hope for other things, things of green,
    blue skies, brightness, perhaps a hint of love–- the sun was out!
    The next day’s dank clouds and winds waged another bout
    which fought to freeze – - or melt – - the optimism of one
    who'd seen and been fooled by the February sun.


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    Very well done, Auntie! That day always frustrated me when I lived up North.

  5. #5
    feathers firefangled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post
    Surely it's time to reconsider the value of alliteration? It ought to be used sparingly, I believe (unless for comic effect), to lend emphasis where needed. It was unobjectionable (because not blatant) in the first two lines, but when I came to:



    I fairly freaked out at the fulsomeness of this!
    This seemed appropriate as it expressed carrying folklore through its ages, the expression of forward motion being one of the uses of aliteration as in the Rime of the Ancient Mariner - the final surge of the ship before the sails drop down in the calm.

    "The fair breeze blew, the white foam flew,
    The furrow followed free ;
    We were the first that ever burst
    Into that silent sea.

  6. #6
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    Such a few lines pack such a punch, Aunty. I loved your poem for its sentiment, its cheeky approach (the title, for one example, ha ha!), and a few lines that really hit home
    So furry figures of folklore are forever held in doubt
    beautiful, I love it

    Spring might come again,
    and with it marched in strangers, creatures seldom seen:
    yes indeed - seldom
    which fought to freeze – - or melt – - the optimism of one
    I liked the way you put it, Aunty.

    Great poem.
    Last edited by kiz_paws; 01-28-2008 at 03:34 AM.
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

  7. #7
    Vincit Qui Se Vincit Virgil's Avatar
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    I didn't mind the alliteration. It is a tongue in cheek poem. At first I thought it was a sonnet. But it's three lines short. Would you consider working it into a sonnet?
    LET THERE BE LIGHT

    "Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena

    My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/

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    Thanks to all for reading and commenting on my little ditty.
    Auntie

  9. #9
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Smile

    It was indeed a wonderful poem, but would you consider a larger size print?

    Hogging Ground

    How mean is Winter, what a miser with his light,
    received so desperately, as when a desert gets rare rain.
    So furry figures of folklore are forever held in doubt.
    A glimpse, through a seasonally neglected pane:
    pink and purple streaks alleged that Spring might come again,
    and with it marched in strangers, creatures seldom seen:
    possibilities of hope for other things, things of green,
    blue skies, brightness, perhaps a hint of love–- the sun was out!
    The next day’s dank clouds and winds waged another bout
    which fought to freeze – - or melt – - the optimism of one
    who'd seen and been fooled by the February sun.Hogging Ground

    All Right Reserved

    Last edited by Pendragon; 01-28-2008 at 08:34 PM.
    Some of us laugh
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  10. #10
    Sweet farewell, Good Nite
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    Aunty, you're killing me with this itty bitty font, whoo. Well, I managed despite---overall, I like it. The last three lines seal it. I like L4/5, but I don't really get strangers/creatures.' The first four lines say very little, which weighs down some. And the use of alliteration in L3 creates a bit of a brain twister. Having said that, I know magic when I read it. There is something Rimbaudesque about the piece, so naturally stated. Take the use of the exclamation point on the simple idea

    Quote Originally Posted by quote
    the sun was out!
    Last edited by jon1jt; 01-29-2008 at 12:15 AM.
    "He was nauseous with regret when he saw her face again, and when, as of yore, he pleaded and begged at her knees for the joy of her being. She understood Neal; she stroked his hair; she knew he was mad."
    ---Jack Kerouac, On The Road: The Original Scroll

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