Hi newbie here. I perfectly comprehend the hating Emma bit. Most of my friends could not stand her either (and I am from a girls' school). Her actions could be unforgivable actually (what with manipulating Harriet's life just for her own entertainment--its unforgivable) but alternatively, one could view her as a character of sympathy too. Her blunders have impacted people negatively and her self too. Besides, her dismay at the thought of breaking the intelligence of Mr. ELton's true affection could offer a little compensation.
I don't think Emma could lose her individualism even after marrying Mr. Knightley. After all, he had to move in to Hartfield! besides, Austen takes in pride in writing novels of manners. Her purpose of writing Emma was to warn against the dangers of individualism so her marriage could have been interpreted as a loss of individualism but I thought it was more of a restoration of social stability.