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Thread: KIOWA OIL and GAS (excerpt)

  1. #16
    Fingertips of Fury B-Mental's Avatar
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    As far as I can tell, LC its says you are human like everyone else (barring some critics who shall remain sub-human indefinitely).
    "I am glad to learn my friend that you had not yet submitted yourself to any of the mouldy laws of Literature."
    -John Muir


    "My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night; But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends - It gives a lovely light"
    -Edna St. Vincent Millay

  2. #17
    Cat Person DickZ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lonesome Cowboy View Post
    Thanks for pointing that out. BTW, What does a mistake like that say about me, the author ?
    I'll tell you backchannel - by private message. That's how I should have done this in the first place. It was tactless of me to carp in public, and I apologize for that.

  3. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by DickZ View Post
    I'll tell you backchannel - by private message. That's how I should have done this in the first place. It was tactless of me to carp in public, and I apologize for that.
    What the heck ? Carp Dickie ! Carp ! So I got clipped bad by a homophone. I know I don´t have an iron-clad command of the language and you can say it and that´s perfectly OK. I respect you for it. One thing tho : Please don´t stop reading my stories cuz of the grammar.

    Thanks

  4. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by B-Mental View Post
    As far as I can tell, LC its says you are human like everyone else (barring some critics who shall remain sub-human indefinitely).
    Jeeez ! I ain´t getting the chair dude B- Mental , just promise me ya won´t stop reading cuz of the grammar.

  5. #20
    Fingertips of Fury B-Mental's Avatar
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    Well, I wasn't speaking of Dick Z. More of the lot of some critics that anonymously criticised some of my work. Anyways, I can't promise anything...but I can say that grammar wouldn't keep me away.
    "I am glad to learn my friend that you had not yet submitted yourself to any of the mouldy laws of Literature."
    -John Muir


    "My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night; But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends - It gives a lovely light"
    -Edna St. Vincent Millay

  6. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by B-Mental View Post
    but I can say that grammar wouldn't keep me away.

    Thanks dude!

  7. #22
    We got part 3 comin down the pipe yawlz!!!!

  8. #23
    Got more Ty Mcleod and The Morgan Twins comin yer way ladies n vermin!!!!

    Be sure to read my new excerpt : VIVA MAY-HEE-COE ...GAW DANG IT!!!

  9. #24
    been a long time since Ty McLeod n Smokey River

  10. #25
    Town of Kiowa, Colorado
    The State of Colorado - Department of Personnel & Administration, Colorado State Archives. Dec 23, 1927. Retrieved 2007-09-02.

    The Town of Kiowa as we know it today was settled in 1859 along the banks of Kiowa Creek and was originally nothing more than a stage stop. Such trails as the Smoky Hill South (aka the Starvation trail), the Butterfield Overland Dispatch, and Wells Fargo made their stops in Kiowa on the way to Denver and the fold fields of the Rockies.

    The original settlement was named “Deadwood” after Deadwood Dick McLeod ran the stage station and was one of the early settlers in the area. Sometime during the 1860’s the name was changed to “Middle Kiowa”. Why “ Middle Kiowa” you might ask? The reason was that at one time there were two settlements along Kiowa Creek-one named “High Kiowa”, the other “ Low Kiowa”. It is really unclear why the creek and settlements were named Kiowa. The Kiowa Indian tribe in Colorado spent most of their time further south, however it has been said that this area was their summer hunting grounds and compared to the other local tribes were usually “on the attack”.

    The two main tribes that were in this area were the Cheyenne and the Arapahoe.

    In 1874, four horse thieves were caught about 15 miles up creek and brought into town before Judge Fahrion. For three days the trial lingered, finally on the third night, a group of about 50 masked men overpowered the sheriff and deputies and loaded the four men into a wagon. They took them to an outcropping of pine trees southeast of town and with the men still shackled together in twos, they were hung together in twos-with their shackles still on.
    Last edited by Lonesome Cowboy; 02-11-2014 at 12:20 PM.

  11. #26
    Registered User 108 fountains's Avatar
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    I like the factoids at the opening; they give a good feel for the setting and the mood.
    I’m not sure what strip-bars were like in the 1920s (although I have a pretty good idea of what they are like now). I doubt if they used metal poles back then and am quite sure they did not have “strobes and rotating metal balls.” Other than that, overall the story was entertaining, action-packed, and conjured up a scene in my imagination. It appears this is a part of a larger piece, and if so, it’s a good introduction to Luke Black Elk and Eva. They have the potential to be interesting characters, and I hope you’ll develop them more fully in later chapters.
    At least on my computer screen, every time there is an apostrophe, it comes out as &#180, which is pretty distracting. I don’t know if you’re able to go back in and fix that, but it would be worthwhile to try.
    A just conception of life is too large a thing to grasp during the short interval of passing through it.
    Thomas Hardy

  12. #27
    Thank you for the generous comments 108. Not sure this scene is set in the 1920s, but I should make it clearer tho, youre right. "Kiowa Oil" is multi generational.

  13. #28
    Registered User 108 fountains's Avatar
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    Ah, OK. I got the 1920s from the introduction you have before the actual story started. If that's not the case, you might want to work the time period of the setting into the story somewhere near the beginning.
    A just conception of life is too large a thing to grasp during the short interval of passing through it.
    Thomas Hardy

  14. #29
    Been a while Online-Lit friends...See couple of old faces but plenty new.

  15. #30
    The Last Gentleman's Club

    "There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it." George Bernard Shaw


    ***

    Eva stares at her silver locket in her hand. Strobe lights flickering around her.

    "So this is it...Mom" she whispers "last show,last exit".

    She steps on stage at "Luke's Gentleman's Club" a small bar tucked away in the valley hills of Quint, a snow blanketed ghost town. Residents: Three. All inside the bar tonight.

    Wrapped in a crimson robe, Eva walks across the stage. The rough blizzard winds outside shaking the roof and walls like a tent. Music comes on : a cool blue sustained electric note fills the air. Her robe drops and like a magnificent bird opening her wings, she takes flight. Climbing her dance pole she soars over the one man crowd as the pounding beat slowly drowns out the din of the room. Her locket gently swaying from her neck with every twist, every turn.

    Alone, standing behind the bar Luke scans the room. Arms folded across his chest ,his long black hair tied back, he keeps an eye on their only guest tonight, old Mr. McDonough. There used to be hundreds in the place, waiting...broken, shattered, souls pulverized by the end of it all, stripped of their freedom, stripped of their humanity by despair, enslaved by an imminent demise, the destroyer: Apollyon.

    It was around the time when the first images appeared on TV. When they found out it there were no conspiracies and that it was all true. The worst thing, was that there wasnt going to be enough room for everybody. Then the looting, the riots, the killings...but not here, not in Quint, not in the valley. Mister McDonough was here to see Eva one last time. To be hypnotized, entranced by a burning silver flame on stage.

    The computer controlled stage lights fade from blue to purple, a color that Luke remembers well. That walk along the trail last summer with Eva.

    "I'm an artist Luke" she stops and looks at him.

    "Dancing's my life. When I'm up there on stage I am fearless. I can take on anything". She looks up at the hills surrounding the valley, pump-jacks littering the landscape, silent monuments to an era long gone. "Dont wanna work the tables, not the bar, not your back office...the stage." Luke takes a deep breath, shakes his head remorsefully wishing he could change things, looks up at the summer clouds rolling across the blue sky...

    "yeah, mom would want this"

    "Mom would want us to stay together, doing what we love" Eva reassures him.

    Suddenly the blue sky over Quint , like ink clouding a glass of water begins turning an ominous purple. From the woods, like locusts, thousands upon thousands of birds fly off forming a giant dark cloud over the hills.

    "Look, another electro-wave...its de-ionizing the atmosphere" both stare up at the dark shifting hues in the morning sky.

    Slowly, like a dissolving watercolor the menacing purple begins to dissipate giving way to the skys radiant light blue once again.

    Eva, picks up a small rock, holds it in her hand. Imbedded salts and minerals in the quartz sparkling like tiny stars.

    "Apollyon" she mutters looking at the rock. She throws it across the road hitting a rusted old sign that reads: "Evacuation route number 3 : impact shelters 10 miles"

    -------------

    The line of cars from the Borealis parking lot stretches down the road
    as far as the eye can see. Hundreds of cars parked in snow banks, on hillsides, in rows of two three and four. People frozen stiff, hands grasping from
    under the snow for help that never came.

    The Northern Lights burn bright over the Watachee Valley tonight. They burn bright, but are slowly eclipsed by the approaching meteor.
    Eva stops and looks at the night sky as the meteor impacts the moon like a bullet shattering the finest porcelain plate in ultra slow motion.
    In minutes rocks the size of Texas will be raining down on the planet...Eva turns and looks back at Borealis : the last Gentleman's club on Earth.
    Last edited by Lonesome Cowboy; 03-09-2019 at 01:05 PM.

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