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Thread: Your favourite comic poem

  1. #1
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    Your favourite comic poem

    PLEASE RESPECT COPYRIGHT LAWS: READ THIS BEFORE POSTING:

    http://www.online-literature.com/for...ad.php?t=17515

    ..

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    Most poems are on love or life and it seems that many people believe that a poem should be serious, but i would like to hear your favourite comic poems.
    here's one of my favourites:

    Opportunity

    When Mrs Gorm (Aunt Eloise)
    was stung to death by savage bees
    Her husband (Pebendary Gorm)
    put on his veil, and took the swarm
    He's publishing a book next May
    on 'How to make bee-keeping pay'

    Harry Graham 1874-1936
    "If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic"

  2. #2
    What a good idea for a thread. My favorite comic poem writer is Mervyn Peake. They say that his comic writings are full of philosphy and his serious work is full of humour. These three poems are from his "Book of nonsense".
    I think you might enjoy them.

    The trouble with geraniums

    The trouble with geraniums
    is that they’re much too red!
    The trouble with my toast is that
    it’s far too full of bread.

    The trouble with a diamond
    is that it’s much too bright.
    The same applies to fish and stars
    and the electric light.

    The troubles with the stars I see
    lies in the way they fly.
    The trouble with myself is all
    self-centred in the eye.

    The trouble with my looking-glass
    is that it shows me, me;
    there’s trouble in all sorts of things
    where it should never be.

    Aunty Flo

    When Aunty Flo
    Became a Crow
    She had a bed put in a tree;
    And there she lay
    And read all day
    Of ornithology.
    ´

    Uncle Jake

    When Uncle Jake
    Became a Snake
    He never found it out;
    And so as no one mentions it
    One sees him still about.
    "Man was made for joy and woe;
    And when this we rightly know
    Through the world we safely go" Blake

  3. #3
    I now this is double posting - but I ju7st got this poem by email. It just fitted so very well:


    The Subway Piranhas

    Did anyone tell you
    that in each subway train
    there is one special seat
    with a small hole in it
    and underneath the seat
    is a tank of piranha-fish
    which have not been fed
    for quite some time.
    The fish become quite agitated
    by the shoogling of the train
    and jump up through the seat.
    The resulting skeletons
    of unlucky passengers
    turn an honest penny
    for the transport executive,
    hanging far and wide
    in medical schools.

    -- Edwin Morgan

    bakgrund
    Some years ago, Edwin Morgan was commissioned by the
    Scottish Arts Councilto write a series of poems for the inauguration of
    Glasgow's refurbished Underground system. He sent this
    sample, which sent such alarm through the Strathclyde
    transport executive that they decided against using the
    poems.
    "Man was made for joy and woe;
    And when this we rightly know
    Through the world we safely go" Blake

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    you were right isagel i did enjoy them. i had never heard of Mervyn Peake, but now i'll look up more of his poems. how about this one then:

    Thomas Moore 1779-1852

    on taking a wife

    'Come come', said Tom's father, 'At your time of life,
    there's no longer excuse for thus playing the rake.
    It's time you should think, boy, of taking a wife.'
    'Why so it is, father. Whose wife shall I take?'

    and for those of you who might be offended by the last one, here's one to make it up to you

    Wendy Cope 1945-now

    Bloody Men (that's not swearing is it?)

    Bloody men are like bloody buses-
    you wait for about a year
    and as soon as one approaches your stop
    two or three others appear.

    You look at them flashing their indicators,
    offering you a ride.
    you're trying to read the destinations,
    you haven't much time to decide.

    if you make a mistake, there is no turning back.
    jump off, and you'll stand there and gaze
    While the cars and the taxis and lorries go by
    and the minutes, the hours, the days.
    "If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic"

  5. #5
    Ha! In sweden there is a saying "Men are like trams - there always another one" - but I thought that Wendy Cope did a better description.

    This is perhaps a totally different kind of humour, but it makes me smile anyway:

    Danse Russe
    William Carlos Williams
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    If when my wife is sleeping
    and the baby and Kathleen
    are sleeping
    and the sun is a flame-white disc
    in silken mists
    above shining trees,-
    if I in my north room
    dance naked, grotesquely
    before my mirror
    waving my shirt round my head
    and singing softly to myself:
    "I am lonely, lonely,
    I was born to be lonely,
    I am best so!"
    If I admire my arms, my face,
    my shoulders, flanks, buttocks
    against the yellow drawn shades,-

    Who shall say I am not
    the happy genius of my household?
    "Man was made for joy and woe;
    And when this we rightly know
    Through the world we safely go" Blake

  6. #6
    in a blue moon amuse's Avatar
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    we so needed a thread like this - thanks!!!!
    shh!!!
    the air and water have been here a long time, and they are telling stories.

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    The Pig - N.N.

    It was an evening in November
    as I very well remember
    I was strolling down the street in drunken pride,
    but my knees were all a-flutter,
    and I landed in the gutter
    and a pig came up and lay down by my side

    Yes, I lay there in the gutter
    thinking thoughts I could not utter
    when a colleen passing by did softly say
    'You can tell a man who boozes
    by the company he chooses'
    and the pig got up and slowly walked away.
    "If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic"

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    We've come a long way
    said the Cigarette Scientist
    as he destroyed a live rabbit
    to show the students how it worked.

    He took its heart out
    plugged it into an electric pump
    that kept it beating for nearly two hours.

    I know rabbits who can keep their hearts
    beating for nearly seven years.

    And look at the electricity they save.

    (Spike Milligan)

  9. #9
    The Purple Cow

    The Purple Cow's Projected Feast:
    Reflections on a Mythic Beast,
    Who's Quite Remarkable, at Least.

    I never saw a purple cow,
    I never hope to see one;
    But I can tell you, anyhow,
    I'd rather see than be one.

    -- Gelett Burgess

    Burgess was later quite annoyed by the fact that the cow poem was the one of his works that had claimed fame. He wrote this :


    CONFESSION: and a Portrait, Too,
    Upon a Background that I Rue!

    Ah, Yes! I Wrote the "Purple Cow" --
    I'm Sorry, now, I Wrote it!
    But I can Tell you Anyhow,
    I'll Kill you if you Quote it!

    -- Gelett Burgess
    "Man was made for joy and woe;
    And when this we rightly know
    Through the world we safely go" Blake

  10. #10
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    Roald dahl 1916-1960

    St. Ives

    As I was going to st Ives
    I met a man with seven wives.
    Said he, 'I think it's much more fun
    than getting stuck with only one.'

    Hot and Cold

    A woman who my mother knows
    came in and took off all her clothes

    Said I, not being very old
    'Bij golly gosh, you must be cold!'
    'No, no"!' she cried. 'Indeed I'm not!
    I'm feeling devilishly hot!'

    So long for the man i always thought was an author of childrens books. well the GVR was one of my favourites. I don't know what it was called in english, but it must be something like the friendly giant or something like that.
    "If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic"

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    Any of the few poems Ambrose Bierce wrote always seem oddly humorous. Follow this link, enjoy: http://jollyroger.com/classicalpoetr...Ambrose+Bierce

  12. #12
    The Uncertainty of the Poet

    I am a poet.
    I am very fond of bananas.

    I am bananas.
    I am very fond of a poet.

    I am a poet of bananas.
    I am very fond.

    A fond poet of 'I am, I am'-
    Very bananas.

    Fond of 'Am I bananas?
    Am I?'-a very poet.

    Bananas of a poet!
    Am I fond? Am I very?

    Poet bananas! I am.
    I am fond of a 'very.'

    I am of very fond bananas.
    Am I a poet?

    -- Wendy Cope

    ( I have to admit that I did not find all these poems on my own. I have a friend who sends me at least a poem a week. This is from the collection he has sent me so far. )
    "Man was made for joy and woe;
    And when this we rightly know
    Through the world we safely go" Blake

  13. #13
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    Humbert Wolfe 1885-1940

    You cannot hope
    to bribe or twist,
    thank God! the
    British journalist

    But, seeing what
    the man will do
    unbribed, there's
    no occasion to

    John Wilmot, earl of Rochester 1647-1680

    Here lies our mutton-eating king
    whose word no man relies on
    Who never said a foolish thing,
    nor ever did a wise one
    "If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic"

  14. #14
    Registered User Tabac's Avatar
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    Cremation of Sam McGee


  15. #15
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    Sir Walter Raleigh

    I wish I loved the human race
    I wished I loved its silly face
    And when I'm introduced to one
    I wish I thought What jolly fun!
    "If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic"

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