Buying through this banner helps support the forum!
Page 1 of 57 1234561151 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 853

Thread: Tell Me A Joke

  1. #1
    Salome.. smilingtearz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    the last place you can think of..
    Posts
    3,009
    Blog Entries
    7

    Lightbulb Tell Me A Joke

    A joke...i dunno if a joke thread exists

    Laughter the best medicine?
    Got this on mail...just felt like sharing..

    Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age?
    STUDENT:32 yrs.
    Teacher:How do you know?
    STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.


    And the gates of this Chapel were shut,
    And Thou shalt not, writ over the door:
    So I turned to the Garden of Love,
    That so many sweet flowers bore. - "The Garden of Love", William Blake.

  2. #2
    Salome.. smilingtearz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    the last place you can think of..
    Posts
    3,009
    Blog Entries
    7
    Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
    Student : BROTHERLY LOVE

    And the gates of this Chapel were shut,
    And Thou shalt not, writ over the door:
    So I turned to the Garden of Love,
    That so many sweet flowers bore. - "The Garden of Love", William Blake.

  3. #3
    Salome.. smilingtearz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    the last place you can think of..
    Posts
    3,009
    Blog Entries
    7
    Question:What is the fullform of maths.
    Anwser: Mentaly affected teachers harrasing students

    And the gates of this Chapel were shut,
    And Thou shalt not, writ over the door:
    So I turned to the Garden of Love,
    That so many sweet flowers bore. - "The Garden of Love", William Blake.

  4. #4
    Salome.. smilingtearz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    the last place you can think of..
    Posts
    3,009
    Blog Entries
    7
    TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
    PAPPU : I is...
    TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
    PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

    And the gates of this Chapel were shut,
    And Thou shalt not, writ over the door:
    So I turned to the Garden of Love,
    That so many sweet flowers bore. - "The Garden of Love", William Blake.

  5. #5
    Salome.. smilingtearz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    the last place you can think of..
    Posts
    3,009
    Blog Entries
    7
    TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
    but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
    him?"
    Student : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"

    And the gates of this Chapel were shut,
    And Thou shalt not, writ over the door:
    So I turned to the Garden of Love,
    That so many sweet flowers bore. - "The Garden of Love", William Blake.

  6. #6
    Good morning, Campers! Jay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Czech Republic
    Posts
    7,251

    Bad Day

    There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

    Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

    "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

    "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
    I have a plan: attack!

  7. #7
    Salome.. smilingtearz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    the last place you can think of..
    Posts
    3,009
    Blog Entries
    7
    TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
    Student: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.

    And the gates of this Chapel were shut,
    And Thou shalt not, writ over the door:
    So I turned to the Garden of Love,
    That so many sweet flowers bore. - "The Garden of Love", William Blake.

  8. #8
    Salome.. smilingtearz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    the last place you can think of..
    Posts
    3,009
    Blog Entries
    7
    lol...gud one @ JAY

    here's another one

    TEACHER : Greg, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
    Greg: No, teacher, it's the same dog !

    And the gates of this Chapel were shut,
    And Thou shalt not, writ over the door:
    So I turned to the Garden of Love,
    That so many sweet flowers bore. - "The Garden of Love", William Blake.

  9. #9
    Salome.. smilingtearz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    the last place you can think of..
    Posts
    3,009
    Blog Entries
    7
    TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
    student: A teacher

    And the gates of this Chapel were shut,
    And Thou shalt not, writ over the door:
    So I turned to the Garden of Love,
    That so many sweet flowers bore. - "The Garden of Love", William Blake.

  10. #10
    Good morning, Campers! Jay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Czech Republic
    Posts
    7,251

    To kiss...

    A group of Americans are touring Ireland. One of the women in the group is a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining: "The bus seats are uncomfortable, food is terrible, too hot, too cold, accomodation is dreadful..."

    One day, the group arrives at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone," their guide says. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."

    "We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouts. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."

    "Well now," the guide says, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."

    "And I suppose you've kissed the stone?" the woman scoffs.

    "No, ma'am," the frustrated guide responds. "But I have sat on it."
    I have a plan: attack!

  11. #11
    Good morning, Campers! Jay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Czech Republic
    Posts
    7,251

    Tactics

    Evasion Tactics

    A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

    Officer: May I see your driver's license?

    Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

    Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

    Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

    Officer: The car is stolen?

    Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

    Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

    Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

    Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

    Driver: Yes, sir.

    Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

    Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

    Driver: Sure. Here it is.

    It was valid.

    Captain: Who's car is this?

    Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

    Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

    Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

    Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

    Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

    Driver: No problem.

    Trunk is opened; no body.

    Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove-box, and that there was a body in the trunk?

    Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the big liar told you I was speeding too!
    I have a plan: attack!

  12. #12
    Super papayahed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    17,049
    In a small town the local bell ringer was retiring. The town elders put out the word that they needed a bell ringer. Nobody applied for the job until one day a man with no arms showed up at an elder's doors. The elder told the man that he couldn't possibly want the job as its very difficult.

    "You must climb 2 flights of stairs, every hour on the hour, not to mention the bell is very heavy and most importantly you have no arms to pull the rope, how can you possibly be a bell ringer" said the elder.

    The man begged, please, just give me a chance, let me prove to you that I can do this job. The Elder was moved by the mans plea and told him to come back tomorrow, and he will be tested. The man happily skipped away.

    The next day rolled around , the man showed up at the bell tower at the appointed time. The elder and the man climbed the steps, when they reached the top the elder told the man "Go ahead let me see if you can ring the bell" with that the man went to the farthest point of the belfry and took a running start and ran right into the bell. ""BBBOONNGG" The man turned to the elder with a huge smile on his face. The elder told him if he could keep it up he had the job. The man was as happy as a clam and thanked the elder.

    Weeks went by, the man doing his job perfectly. One day the man was walking up the bell tower and he heard voices at the top. He ran the rest of the way up and surprised a bunch of kids hanging out in the bell tower, he chased them off but didn't notice the mess they left on the floor. He knew he was almost late for the bell ringing, in a hurry he backed up as far as he could go and started running towards the bell, he didn't notice the banana peel, the man slipped, fell over the edge and plummetted to his death.

    As he was lying there people congragated around, one gentle soul came out of the crowd and asked who this man was. another bystander spoke up: "I don't know his name - but his face rings a bell"


    HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
    Do, or do not. There is no try. - Yoda


  13. #13
    A sandwich goes into a bar and orders a beer.
    The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

    (That joke is so old it has whiskers.)

  14. #14
    Good morning, Campers! Jay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Czech Republic
    Posts
    7,251
    Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

    The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything is numbered.

    The second surgeon responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

    The third surgeon says, "No, I really think the file clerks are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

    The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

    But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, "You're all wrong. Lawyers are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."
    I have a plan: attack!

  15. #15
    Good morning, Campers! Jay's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Czech Republic
    Posts
    7,251
    One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."
    "That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
    "Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."
    So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... You must be a bunny rabbit!"
    Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?"
    And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"
    So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy and you haven't got any balls... You must be a lawyer."

    I have a plan: attack!

Page 1 of 57 1234561151 ... LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Ode to the Unattainable Beautiful Blonde Girl
    By Jkimmer in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 02-04-2013, 02:08 AM
  2. Palm Pilot PDF Reader
    By Sitaram in forum General Literature
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 01-28-2005, 08:20 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •