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Thread: Moon-struck

  1. #1
    beloved of the blue-bard gothic's Avatar
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    Red face Moon-struck

    'Moon-struck' started as a tiny poem and out of any kind of effort,almost.The word 'Moon-struck' struck me out of nowhere and since its birth it got me fallen in love with it! I have never been a moon-maniac(despite the fact that I've been writing poems since my childhood and I live in a country where the moon may be knows every possible way to keep one mesmerized!),but these days this word is compelling me to be one.
    so,out of this mania,I wrote more tiny poems concerning her and I'm afraid I'll be continuing to do so until the spell lifts! You may need to manage some more patience,freinds!

    Moon-struck(1)

    Moon-struck me
    Has forgotten for a while
    The fossiled gloom of precious mankind
    Come stars,breathe for me
    tonight.



    Moon-struck(2)

    The moon walked alone,
    slowly,so slowly
    even the stars didn't wake.
    Night rustled gently under her feet
    The only sound that could be heard
    among all the unheard.


    Moon-struck(3)

    She lies abundoned
    Upon the dark dune of clouds,
    Forlorn though-she glows none the less,
    as a pearl's to glow forever.
    and singing a song of blue longing,
    waits to be grasped by the sea again...
    Last edited by gothic; 10-01-2007 at 11:40 AM. Reason: an unnoticed error while writing
    Time held me green and dying
    Though I sang in my chains like the sea.
    -Dylan Thomas

    Oh my Gosh,am I back? AM I BACK!!!

  2. #2
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    Moon can share pain of lonely, abondon lover...
    Moon is also one of my fev subject also...your poems are nice...

  3. #3
    Hmmmmm....

    The rest of them didnt enchant me as much as the first one did when i first read it in the "tiny poems" -thread. They're good, of course, but the first one is something else. I think it's because u put all the 'moon-struck's together in here and so the rest of them just had expected contents... or whatever, i just am in love with the first one.

    Oh and the last one somehow made me think of Shelley's "To the Moon" ("Art thou pale from...") which is one of my all-time-favourite poems.
    .
    ...the smell of flowers through metal labyrinths.

  4. #4
    beloved of the blue-bard gothic's Avatar
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    really glad to know that one of my poems attracted you and even reminded you of one of Shelly's.that's a success indeed!
    And yes,the first one is good,but the second one's my favourite too.I feel like sinking into the night's dark womb...whenever I read it!
    thanks very much for commenting,sym.
    Time held me green and dying
    Though I sang in my chains like the sea.
    -Dylan Thomas

    Oh my Gosh,am I back? AM I BACK!!!

  5. #5
    Registered User NUT's Avatar
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    The first one made me grin-out-loud, and i'm still smiling!
    I think it's a very neat, concise and effective verse.

    I like the focus of attention, which moves from yourself, 'moon-struck me', out to 'precious mankind', which is the longest line, and then blissfully ignores the 'fossiled gloom', as your attention retreats through shortening lines back to 'tonight'.

    It is interesting that your first, intuitive response is so powerful; for me, the second two, where you try and attach some significance or gravitas to the image, provoke little emotional response.

    Reflecting on this alongside other uses of moon-imagery, why pontificate on such a simple subject? In Moon-struck (1), you show no pretence, no extensive, aggrandising language or sub-text; you are enchanted for who-knows-or-cares what unidentifiable reason, and so are we! Brill!
    the New Uncommercial Traveller

  6. #6
    beloved of the blue-bard gothic's Avatar
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    now it's me who's grinning,nut,finding someone reading my poem so intently!

    and about the other two again...well,yes,may be their image is not that exceptional as the first one and even don't go with it that much but I value them as much as the first since they were born out of the same spell that was cast on me!
    Time held me green and dying
    Though I sang in my chains like the sea.
    -Dylan Thomas

    Oh my Gosh,am I back? AM I BACK!!!

  7. #7
    :) Stephweet :) stephofthenight's Avatar
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    numro 3 is my favorite there all realy good. i like how you portrayed the moon as more then just a star.

    "Be careful of quotes you find on the internet, they may not always be true" -Abraham Lincon-

  8. #8
    beloved of the blue-bard gothic's Avatar
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    Thank you very much for you comments steph. someone seemed to like one of the other two poems,then!
    Last edited by gothic; 10-02-2007 at 02:54 AM. Reason: unnoticed error while writing.
    Time held me green and dying
    Though I sang in my chains like the sea.
    -Dylan Thomas

    Oh my Gosh,am I back? AM I BACK!!!

  9. #9
    let the winged fancy roam ahsiam's Avatar
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    nice poem gothic,well it emphasises the moon way beyond our imagination,i do understand that the moon has certain effects on you so it does to me.and yeh!like symphony said last one reminded me of shelly's TO THE MOON.keep the good work up.

  10. #10
    beloved of the blue-bard gothic's Avatar
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    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by ahsiam View Post
    nice poem gothic,well it emphasises the moon way beyond our imagination,i do understand that the moon has certain effects on you so it does to me.and yeh!like symphony said last one reminded me of shelly's TO THE MOON.keep the good work up.
    WoW!again that 'Shelly-reminding' comment! now that's made my day. Thanks,ahsiam!
    Time held me green and dying
    Though I sang in my chains like the sea.
    -Dylan Thomas

    Oh my Gosh,am I back? AM I BACK!!!

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