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Thread: in your woods

  1. #1
    Be. white camellia's Avatar
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    in your woods

    their language of poetry
    as pretty as the houri in heaven
    a portrayal in Bard's Alcaic Verse
    fades into the fragments of words
    as Our Love emerges and pervades
    and penetrates the swollen room
    imbued with the aroma of your moccasin
    We pore over the wavy reed and experiment on your cigar
    and We clap the crack-clack blazing up

    your incomparable touch
    as soft as the petals of Spring flowers
    whose secrets
    the phantasmagorial clouds
    therein harbor -
    of bodies lither, of scent moister
    my horizon - You paint from sunrise to sunset -
    smacks of your claret lips and your ivory fingernails
    combing my hair - how it feels like deerskin
    Last edited by white camellia; 02-14-2006 at 12:45 PM.
    There is no polite way
    of being happy

  2. #2
    the pongest onions ever onions's Avatar
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    I really can't get still : is this poetry with no rhyme? And if it so , can it be called a poetry?
    It seems to be onions become an occurance.

    A total nonsense. Why are you thinking?

  3. #3
    Sweet farewell, Good Nite
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    Quote Originally Posted by onions
    I really can't get still : is this poetry with no rhyme? And if it so , can it be called a poetry?
    Onions: FYI: Poetry has no requirement other than to be inventive with words and allows the sense and meaning to come from the heart. Rhyme is only one of many poetic devices. Don't limit yourself to the beauty of language by only fishing for artful rhyme schemes, ok?
    Last edited by jon1jt; 02-15-2006 at 01:37 AM.
    "He was nauseous with regret when he saw her face again, and when, as of yore, he pleaded and begged at her knees for the joy of her being. She understood Neal; she stroked his hair; she knew he was mad."
    ---Jack Kerouac, On The Road: The Original Scroll

  4. #4
    Sweet farewell, Good Nite
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    This poem has wonderful rhythm and anyone who missed it I highly encourage to read this work again and again to truly appreciate, it's there. This poem is loaded with eroticism and yet it's interpretive door is open enough to keep the reader wondering..."Is it really talking about this or that?"

    My favorite line - though I can't entirely make out what it means exactly - the word combinations just work, is:

    "We clap the crack-clack blazing up"

    The line oozes with confidence that pulls me in.

    It's very late, so I'm too lazy to get up for my dictionary to check the appropriate spellings for "houri" and "moister." Even if the words are part of the English language, the way they're used is a bit awkward.

    The last line of the poem, "how it feels like deerskin." Well, tell me, how does deerskin feel exactly, I've never touched a deer? If I'm on the right track, I'm going to guess that deerskin feels rough/rugged.

    Otherwise, this is a first rate poem.
    Last edited by jon1jt; 02-15-2006 at 01:37 AM.
    "He was nauseous with regret when he saw her face again, and when, as of yore, he pleaded and begged at her knees for the joy of her being. She understood Neal; she stroked his hair; she knew he was mad."
    ---Jack Kerouac, On The Road: The Original Scroll

  5. #5
    Be. white camellia's Avatar
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    if it cannot be called "a poetry", then it can be called "white camellia's poetry"...

    I've learnt what is supposed to be regular metrical pattern on my poetry class.

    rhyme: rhyme means closing the verse line with words or syllables of completely similar sounds repeated at regular intervals. the rhyming sound begins on the last stressed vowel and all that follows it must be the same.

    free verse: a kind of poetry that does not conformto any regular metre: the length of its lines is irregular, as is its use of rhyme.

    All good poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings.
    ---William Wordsworth
    There is no polite way
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  6. #6
    Vincit Qui Se Vincit Virgil's Avatar
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    Camillia - I always like your poems and this is no exception. It has a really nice feel to it; strong imagery. A couple of comments: "aroma of your moccasin"? I don't know what you mean, except perhpas smelly feet? One other: "experiment on your cigar". It's like when people say experiment with drugs. Are you really running an experiment? As if the druggy is a scientist with hopes of a nobel prize. Either way the phrasing is too common. The ending is very nice; feels very honest.
    LET THERE BE LIGHT

    "Love follows knowledge." St. Catherine of Siena

    My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/

  7. #7
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    I really think it's a nice piece


    Yea..
    Nothing but nothingness

  8. #8
    Freak Ingenu Countess's Avatar
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    One other: "experiment on your cigar". It's like when people say experiment with drugs. Are you really running an experiment? As if the druggy is a scientist with hopes of a nobel prize?

    ***

    I took the cigar to be a phallic symbol. (--;

    Nicely done - C
    Madness is my defense against Reality.

  9. #9
    This is a lovely poem. I really like the sensory imagers you conjure up - visual, tactile and olfactory. It's straightforward enough to be coherent and keep to it's internal consistency, while being cryptic enough to bewilder slightly - enough to add interest and offer alternative interpretations.

    And Virgil - I think WC is referring to the smell of a new mocassin - if so, I know exactly what she means. Or do I?

  10. #10
    Vincit Qui Se Vincit Virgil's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Countess
    One other: "experiment on your cigar". It's like when people say experiment with drugs. Are you really running an experiment? As if the druggy is a scientist with hopes of a nobel prize?

    ***

    I took the cigar to be a phallic symbol. (--;

    Nicely done - C
    Yes, that thought crossed my mind, especially after one of our President's experiments with a cigar and an intern.
    LET THERE BE LIGHT

    "Love follows knowledge." St. Catherine of Siena

    My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/

  11. #11
    Be. white camellia's Avatar
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    The last line of the poem, "how it feels like deerskin." Well, tell me, how does deerskin feel exactly, I've never touched a deer? If I'm on the right track, I'm going to guess that deerskin feels rough/rugged.
    it feels soft and buttery
    A couple of comments: "aroma of your moccasin"? I don't know what you mean, except perhpas smelly feet? The ending is very nice; feels very honest.
    moccasin traditionally worn by Native Americans, is made of deerskin, one can smell nature from it and now that's mixed with the familiar scent of the toes that i'm addicted and something else ...
    I like the ending too...
    I took the cigar to be a phallic symbol. (--;
    Very nice ... it burns ...
    It's straightforward enough to be coherent and keep to it's internal consistency, while being cryptic enough to bewilder slightly.
    Indeed ...
    Nature, Love and Be wild and pure ...
    I really think it's a nice piece


    Yea..
    Good, and I'm glad ...
    There is no polite way
    of being happy

  12. #12
    Quiquid latine dictum sit belle ringer's Avatar
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    May I say that I like your work. I was planning on quoting a few lines, but found them all good together.

    I look forward to reading more from you. Made me more glad I found this forum.
    Nowhere, Beloved, will the world be but within us.
    Our life passes in transformation.
    And the external shrinks into less and less.


    -- from Rilke's Duino Elegies

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