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Thread: My Suicide Note (DO NOT BE ALARMED!!!)

  1. #1
    GimmyDiamond
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    My Suicide Note (DO NOT BE ALARMED!!!)

    Do not be alarmed!!! These poems are not pleas for help!!!

    I’ve been writing these poems since I did a research project on teen suicide . . . I couldn’t believe it when I read things like It’s the second leading cause of death in youth aged 10-24 in Canada and the third leading cause in the States, claiming almost 2000 teens. It never really occurred to me to think about this problem, that it even was a problem but you can’t deny that suicide rates tripling in the last half century among people aged 15-24, is a problem, a serious and heartbreaking problem. For every completed youth suicide, there are nearly 400 attempts. If that's not a reason for everyone to do what they can to help, I don't know what is.

    While suicide is not something to be glorified, and I am not attempting to do so with these poems, it is imperative that people talk about it. Being able to talk about feelings of suicide could mean the difference between life and death for some. We need to dispel the myth that talking about suicide promotes it. These poems were I guess more of a voice for the now voiceless and if it can make someone who is thinking of killing themselves see they aren’t alone in how they feel, that someone else has been where they are and that someone can and is waiting to understand is why I write them.

    IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH FEELINGS OF SUICIDE OR HURTING YOURSELF IT IS IMPORTANT YOU GET HELP NOW!!!! CALL 911, CALL A FRIEND, CALL YOUR PASTOR, CALL A FAMILY MEMEBER, CALL A HOTLINE, TALK TO SOMEONE!!!!!
    __________________________________________________ _______________

    My suicide note
    Quickly written
    Brutally honest
    Six pages long

    In agonizing detail I described
    My torment
    I laid blame where blame was due,
    Even where it was not.

    I touched upon my broken heart,
    My quickly fleeting hope for myself,
    I skipped no lines, nor backsides of pages,
    I wrote in the margins, my words ran round
    The hole punches

    By the time I’d finished rereading,
    Making sure the truth was known, my eyes had dried
    The page edges bumpy and the words smeared
    From my sweaty palms

    I ripped it up, burnt it
    Then flushed it down the toilet,
    I broke the pen
    The ink stained my hand and carpet.

    My carpet, brand new . . .
    I smudged the ink as much
    As possible, pushed it to the floor
    I killed it.

    I left the room, ignored the
    Pictures of the ‘perfect’ family,
    All smiling the same lie
    Blocked out the sound of my dog

    As I shoot down the slick road
    I feel my pulse competing with the car
    My blood bubbles and boils, tickles my skin
    I smile

    My suicide note that was never seen,
    Never known, my suicide note
    Never guessed in the wreckage of
    My brand new car.
    Last edited by GimmyDiamond; 02-22-2007 at 11:02 PM.

  2. #2
    GimmyDiamond
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    I donít care if you leave
    When youíre done
    I donít care if youíre just
    Using me

    Just save me Iím
    Falling
    Save me Iím hurt
    Someone save me from
    Myself

    I donít care if you
    Leave in the middle
    And give someone else
    Your job

    This road Iím on
    Is self-destructive
    Each step another
    Cut

    Iím choking on each
    Breath I take
    I just canít save
    Myself
    Someone save me now

    Each salty tear,
    Each stinging lie,
    All hurt but make me feel
    Save me before I die

    You took too long
    My blood is running
    My heart long ripped in shreds
    You took too long
    I killed myself
    Itís nothing that Iím dead.

  3. #3
    GimmyDiamond
    Join Date
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    My suicide note
    My words, all 110 of them slid down
    my throat
    They're quick dissolve and tasteless,
    just like me.

    Just like me, so plain and boring
    Uniform
    So grey and on the line.
    So in the middle, so last week,
    so quick dissolve with time.

    I took twice as many,
    I looked in the mirror
    I watched
    I counted, 2...4...6...8

    When there were no more
    words to eat
    I simply watched myself.

    My suicide note was just like me
    predictable, stoppable, so ununique
    so without colour, so without any
    poem.

  4. #4
    GimmyDiamond
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    I want to jump out the window
    Smash through the glass
    **** the consequences

    This need to escape
    Itís warped me
    Turned my sanity against me

    Filled with demons
    Iím claustrophobic
    Trapped within my heart

    I want my heart to die
    No more beating, endless torture
    Iím already dead, why not?

    I see the lights of heaven unfold, twofold
    Iíve no need to trek so far
    They come to me rushing, crushing
    Me beneath the car.

  5. #5
    GimmyDiamond
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    My suicide note
    was colourful
    It splashed upon the walls and floor
    I made a mess and was set free
    My suicide note was not like me

    "I regret having you!"
    "You're selfish!"
    "You're stupid!"
    "You're fat and ugly!"
    "You're nothing!"
    "Don't speak to me!"
    "Get out of my sight!"
    "Shut-up!"
    "You whore!"
    "Get away from me!"

    All this I was told
    What did I become?
    I am contained.
    I am dead.
    I am alone.
    I am unloved.
    I am no one.
    But now . . .
    Now I am the painter, I am
    alive, exhilarated.

    My paint flows from my wrists.

    I am vibrant, untamed, happy, set free . . .
    I've BECOME . . .

    My suicide note was not like me.
    Not restrained, hiding and hurt in the corner . . .
    but two words, "Utterly Free" written in my very life.
    My suicide note, that can't be overlooked or diminished.


    __________________________________________________ __

    SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER. IT'S A VERY PERMANENT END TO A USUALLY TEMPORARY PROBLEM. THERE IS HELP!!!!!

  6. #6
    GimmyDiamond
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    When you're sad
    I truly see your soul
    That is who you are
    When you cry
    I really hear your voice
    Clearer than before

    But when you sob in private misery
    And screw the cap on tight
    I try to break you out of there
    And pry with all my might

    I try to break the mirror you obsess
    With every day
    And keep you in your proper mind
    Hoping that you'll stay

    But in closing I must sadly say
    I'm failing miserably
    I'm losing all the battles
    In this war I wage with me

  7. #7
    GimmyDiamond
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    If the world doesn't want you,

    Where do you go???


    __________________________________________________ _______

    TALK TO SOMEONE AND LET THEM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. BOTTLING YOUR FEELINGS ONLY MAKES THINGS WORSE. TALK TO SOMEONE AND LET IT OUT. YOU AREN'T ALONE.

  8. #8
    GimmyDiamond
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    My suicide note

    5 . . . 3 . . . 8 . . . 224 . . . and 12 to erase 17

    No doubt random to you but let me explain

    I am random, that random little accident, I'm often reminded

    So I'm only righting a wrong -they won't miss me anyways

    5 the times I've tried to kill myself before

    3 the number of days I've been missing, well gone

    8 the floor my hotel suite was on

    224 steps from the lobby to the roof

    12 the estimated number of seconds it took me to fall

    How quickly those 12 seconds swallowed whole my 17 years

    And I will be broken down into those numbers
    No one caring what I was beyond that
    No one caring . . . No one caring
    My suicide note, my eyes . . . and even now as you look at my haunted vacant eyes,
    even now they are unbearable to you

    __________________________________________________ _

    DON'T BE ASHAMED OR AFRAID TO TELL SOMEONE YOU ARE SUICIDAL. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT CAN TRIGGER DEPRESSION/SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, INCLUDING CHEMICAL/GENETIC FACTORS, ASK SOMEONE FOR HELP IF YOU ARE FEELING OVERWHELMED AND LIKE YOU CAN'T HANDLE WHAT'S GOING ON.

  9. #9
    GimmyDiamond
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    I'm sorry
    But your notion of HELP
    Is f***ed up!
    Beyond my comprehension,
    Beyond my give-a-care!

    I do not want your
    sympathy!
    Your in-a-nutshell
    crap
    Your simplicity is all
    screwed up.
    It's more complicated
    than that.

    You can't touch my
    level of insanity
    Begin to reach
    me there.
    You cannot know how
    cluttered I am
    As cluttered as I'm
    bare.

    You can't begin to
    know my pain
    To see how inadequate
    I feel
    To fill all this empty
    emotionless space,
    I'd beg, borrow,
    most of all steal.

    How much I would
    like to slip and fall
    The taste is so
    bittersweet
    In my salt & vinegar heart
    I do swear
    To you, Death
    I won't try to cheat.

    My notion of Help
    is quite simple you see
    What I require so small
    Here I am now
    Just a push or a nudge
    Is all that I need to fall.

    ____________________________________________

    WHEN TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO IS SUICIDAL, THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS LISTEN TO THEM!!! PART OF THE PROBLEM IS FEELING LIKE NO ONE CARES, SO IF YOU SPEND MORE TIME LISTENING TO YOURSELF TALK, IT WILL MAKE THE PROBLEM WORSE. ALSO, DON'T TRY TO OVERSIMPLIFY OR MINIMIZE THEIR PROBLEMS, THEY THINK DYING WOULD BE BETTER, THERE ARE NO SIMPLE ANSWERS OR WAYS TO DEAL WITH THAT. AND NEVER TELL SOMEONE YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE FEELING/WHERE THEY ARE AT UNLESS YOU HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN THERE. FEELING LIKE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THEM IS ANOTHER PART OF THE PROBLEM SO YOU SAYING THAT BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD LINE, IS THE WORST LINE YOU COULD GIVE IN ACTUALITY.

  10. #10
    GimmyDiamond
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    My suicide note was a bathrobe belt.
    Handmade. I hated it. Just like his. The other me.

    We are dressed up the same.
    Treated the same.
    Spoiled and beaten the same.
    To them, we are the same.

    But they never see me.
    They never know me.
    They never speak to me.

    Just like a copy.
    Just like a second.
    Just like half of a pair.

    We both have the same robe.
    Dark blue, ridiculously long belts.
    A Christmas gift.
    No names either, we might get jealous.

    But now they'll see.
    Now they'll know.
    Now they'll listen to me.

    I'll be different.
    They can't stop me.
    I'll stand out on my own.

    My suicide note was very special.
    In the middle of our identical rooms,
    Wearing our identical robes,
    I will be the set apart, finally able to be just one.

    My suicide note became me.

  11. #11
    GimmyDiamond
    Join Date
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    Go ahead and hit me
    I won't be here tomorrow
    Pull my hair and break my heart
    I'm gone

    Your words won't ring in my ears
    Or sting my eyes
    I'm going 'home'
    Good-bye

    Yell until I cry, until I'm yelling too
    Make me try to run
    And laugh at my hurt and pain

    Blow my mind with hate-filled word
    Obvious lies, but sad when from your lips

    I won't be back
    I'm leaving you
    Whatever . . .
    It's not like you'll cry

    ______________________________________________

    SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER!!! GET HELP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!! GET HELP NOW!!!!

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