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Thread: Come Join Me In The Garden

  1. #1
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    Come Join Me In The Garden

    Come join me in the garden
    where the voiceless faeries fly
    translucent wings glide freely
    'neath the cloudless Prairie sky

    Lush velvet leaves they whisper
    thanks to a gentle breeze
    our garden nook is sheltered
    by the steadfast healthy trees

    Time is forced to cease its' rush,
    its' grip upon our soul
    so we can freely focus on
    the things that make us whole

    I know I am my gladdest
    when in my garden place
    come sit with me my dear one
    and let your cares erase.


    ©Karalynne Ducharme 07-07

    [I posted this poem in my Blog, but I wanted to have a thread in this portion of the Forums started for some more of my 'poetry'... Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed it]
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

  2. #2
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kiz_paws View Post
    Come join me in the garden
    where the voiceless faeries fly
    translucent wings glide freely
    'neath the cloudless Prairie sky

    Lush velvet leaves they whisper
    thanks to a gentle breeze
    our garden nook is sheltered
    by the steadfast healthy trees

    Time is forced to cease its' rush,
    its' grip upon our soul
    so we can freely focus on
    the things that make us whole

    I know I am my gladdest
    when in my garden place
    come sit with me my dear one
    and let your cares erase.


    ©Karalynne Ducharme 07-07

    [I posted this poem in my Blog, but I wanted to have a thread in this portion of the Forums started for some more of my 'poetry'... Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed it]
    I do enjoy the first verse enormously, for the seeming effortlessness of it, the second verse as well but after that I began to be conscious of your commitment to the rhymes, and if I had your address and could get into your house I'd go to your computer and erase that last line forever! Having worked with conventional syntax hitherto, you suddenly present us with an ungrammatical use of "erase," a transitive verb used intransitively!!!

  3. #3
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    Ha ha, Prince, you got me. The first two verses did come freely to my state of mind this morning. But yes, the latter two I had to sweat over...

    As for the last line, I gave up and succumbed to that choice, not as creative as I'd like, but there were places to go and things to accomplish... Maybe I'll do a re-write on the latter stanza... But, earnestly, I thank you for your comment! Take care, Kizzo
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

  4. #4
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post
    I do enjoy the first verse enormously, for the seeming effortlessness of it, the second verse as well but after that I began to be conscious of your commitment to the rhymes, and if I had your address and could get into your house I'd go to your computer and erase that last line forever! Having worked with conventional syntax hitherto, you suddenly present us with an ungrammatical use of "erase," a transitive verb used intransitively!!!
    Umm, Jerry, I have had my friend look at the last verse, and with his poetic ease brought the thing to a better perspective (in my eyes, though..). Nonetheless, here t'is:

    COME JOIN ME

    Come join me in the garden
    where the voiceless faeries fly
    translucent wings glide freely
    'neath the cloudless Prairie sky

    Lush velvet leaves they whisper
    thanks to a gentle breeze
    our garden nook is sheltered
    by the steadfast healthy trees

    Time is forced to cease its' rush,
    its' grip upon our soul
    so we can freely focus on
    the things that make us whole

    And now with love, a gentle call
    from here, my garden place
    come sit and hear, my dear one true
    to this, my minds preface


    I liked the last verse much better HIS way.... **sigh**

    Thank goodness for friends
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

  5. #5
    Sweet farewell, Good Nite
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    i love garden poems! while i like the rewrite of the last stanza kiz, i have to say that it doesn't seem to flow naturally out of what precedes it. the original one is just fine. the poem as a whole reveals a simplicity and morning freshness which the art of gardening, to me, is all about.

    some favorites:

    our garden nook is sheltered

    Time is forced to cease its' rush,
    its' grip upon our soul

    and let your cares erase



    thanks for sharing!
    "He was nauseous with regret when he saw her face again, and when, as of yore, he pleaded and begged at her knees for the joy of her being. She understood Neal; she stroked his hair; she knew he was mad."
    ---Jack Kerouac, On The Road: The Original Scroll

  6. #6
    Springing Riesa's Avatar
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    very pretty, I like the second version especially, kiz. we should all have such friends.
    "Don't matter who they are, anybody sets foot in this house, they are company and don't let me catch you remarking on their ways like you were so high and mighty."

  7. #7
    Freak Ingenu Countess's Avatar
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    As I said when you posted it to your blog - I really enjoyed it. You live in paradise and I am so jealous.

  8. #8
    Live. Be. Sing. symphony's Avatar
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    is it the garden that i saw in the photos taken by members- thread? or am i successfully messing things up in my head?

    i love gardens myself, i love anything green actually, but this innocent love of mine has to fight its way to find a little comfort lately-- there's not enough land for gardens and all u see in the city is concrete walls!

    this poem brought to me the freshness of an early autumn breeze.
    .
    ...the smell of flowers through metal labyrinths.

  9. #9
    The Story of My Life bibliophile190's Avatar
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    I liked it. I envy you people that can write poetry. I possess very little poem writing ability. That was excellent.

  10. #10
    solid motherhubbard's Avatar
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    oh how lovely Kiz, I want to sit in your garden and rest a while. The second was an improvement. It sounds like see through butterfly wings>

  11. #11
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Riesa View Post
    very pretty, I like the second version especially, kiz. we should all have such friends.
    He is literally the Shaman of Aesthetics... Music, Poetry, Painting .... every footstep leaves behind wisps of something that one has 'gotta have'. But if you tell him this, he gets a little crazy... so yah, I trusted his judgement.

    Thank you all for taking the time to comment, it means a lot.

    Oh, and Mother, I loved
    It sounds like see through butterfly wings
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

  12. #12
    Jai Keshava NikolaiI's Avatar
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    I like your version best..

    Love it, quite a lot. .

    The first thing that came to mind was one of my favorite songs, "Sweet Rose in the Garden,"

    Such a beautiful, perfect song by Bert Jansch on his 15th album. Just the beauty and joy of it, pure love. . I listened to it dozens of times, out in the nature, climbing trees. . so lovely -

    Anyhow, this one read the same as that song. . . and it has a similar # of syllables, so it played through my head to the music of that song. . . very lovely experience. Thanks so much for sharing this Kiz.

    Then also I thought of Kabir. :-)

    'Do not go to the garden of flowers!
    O Friend! go not there;
    In your body is the garden of flowers.
    Take your seat on the thousand petals of the lotus, and there gaze on the Infinite Beauty.'

    'Sweet Rose in the Garden,' it's somewhat simple musically, although played quite flawlessly.. he was quite the virtuoso in his youth - and in this, a lifetime of love and beauty seems to shine through. . at least to me. Jansch was one of the most beautiful lives ever, I would definitely say.

    Yes, going back, I sang it softly to Jansch's tune. Beautiful, lovely, perfect. Hope you come back some day Kiz.

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