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  1. #1
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    I

    Probably everyone who writes poetry writes one of these at some point. This is my offering.

    I

    I am the bowl to which the blood was spilt.
    I am the book's forgotten theme.
    I am the cracks in the ivy-riddled wall.
    I am the veins in the eye of the beholder.
    I am the broken chain that mocks the door.
    I am the pause between the tick and the tock.
    I am the still before the breaking storm.
    I am the crease in the fabric of time.
    I am the pale between the night and the dawn.
    I am the silver cusp of the wave.
    I am the hesitation in a lover’s voice.
    I am the memory of a misplaced dream.
    I am the things both seen, and unseen.
    Last edited by Bii; 07-22-2007 at 01:36 PM.

  2. #2
    solid motherhubbard's Avatar
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    that was lovely Bii, as always. You are a very interesting and talented lady. I haven't written one, but I will.

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    Thanks motherhubbard you are, as always, very kind.

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    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bii View Post
    Probably everyone who writes poetry writes one of these at some point. This is my offering.

    I

    I am the bowl to which the blood was split.
    I am the books forgotten theme.
    I am the cracks in the ivy-riddled wall.
    I am the veins in the eye of the beholder.
    I am the broken chain that mocks the door.
    I am the pause between the tick and the tock.
    I am the still before the breaking storm.
    I am the crease in the fabric of time.
    I am the pale between the night and the dawn.
    I am the silver cusp of the wave.
    I am the hesitation in a loverís voice.
    I am the memory of a misplaced dream.
    I am the things both seen, and unseen.
    There was something about this that frightened me somewhat from the beginning, as if you might be about to tell me more about yourself (or the persina) than I wanted to know or would be able to handle. The rhyme scheme is shot to hell, but never mind. I love this. It feels so intimate, not necessarily because of the particular images but just having the courage to say "I am." Some of the statements are [rude Anglo-Saxon word] stunning!

    I'm tempted to try one of my own but am intimidated by how good this is - stupid male competitiveness. Do you have that over there?

  5. #5
    Thinking...thinking! dramasnot6's Avatar
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    Very creative, I interpreted it as an attempt to define what is ¨human¨.
    The last line worked well.
    I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of anything than of a book! When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.


    Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

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    Thank you all for reading and for your comments.

    What I was trying to say with this was how impossible it is to define who 'I' am. When you think about it, when you think about 'I' it's actually impossible to put your finger on what makes you, you. What you can see are your thoughts, reactions, emotions, experience, memory but if you were to change any of these things would you still be 'you', if I change my way of thinking, does that change what it is to be 'me'? That's why a lot of the images I've used are things in between, or things that are hidden or unnoticed, pauses, breaks, that sort of thing.


    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post
    I'm tempted to try one of my own but am intimidated by how good this is - stupid male competitiveness. Do you have that over there?
    I'm sure your offering would be much better than mine! And yes, we definitely have male competitiveness over here, it's just quieter, and more like an endurance test, who can withstand the most affrontery, and display the most excessive politeness?!

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    Metamorphosing Pensive's Avatar
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    Wow Bii! This is amazing!
    I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew.

  8. #8
    feathers firefangled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bii View Post
    Probably everyone who writes poetry writes one of these at some point. This is my offering.

    I

    I am the bowl to which the blood was split.
    I am the books forgotten theme.
    I am the cracks in the ivy-riddled wall.
    I am the veins in the eye of the beholder.
    I am the broken chain that mocks the door.
    I am the pause between the tick and the tock.
    I am the still before the breaking storm.
    I am the crease in the fabric of time.
    I am the pale between the night and the dawn.
    I am the silver cusp of the wave.
    I am the hesitation in a loverís voice.
    I am the memory of a misplaced dream.
    I am the things both seen, and unseen.
    These are always courageous poems and this one is no exception. All of the lines are remarkable, so much so that you might have taken advantage of some hidden poetics in which line came before which or was juxtapositioned with what. I hesitate to say my choices because I don't like to do that; you certainly have your own in what is here or what you might change.

    I enjoyed this very much.

  9. #9
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by firefangled View Post
    These are always courageous poems and this one is no exception. All of the lines are remarkable, so much so that you might have taken advantage of some hidden poetics in which line came before which or was juxtapositioned with what. I hesitate to say my choices because I don't like to do that; you certainly have your own in what is here or what you might change.

    I enjoyed this very much.
    I understand both your admiration for this and your reluctance to single out one, two or twenty favourite lines, but I want to single out the one line that I don't like in this
    I am the silver cusp of the wave
    It comes across to me as the one line that's a little too premeditated, calculated, very pretty - but that's the problem: irresistably vivid as so many if not all the other lines are, they are not merely pictureque. That line, I think, is. Sometimes Keats and his "Beauty is truth, truth beauty" is about as dead wrong as a poet can be.

  10. #10
    Ruadh gu brath ampoule's Avatar
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    I paused at that also. It doesn't seem worthy of the rest.

    Can someone explain the first line to me? I'm probably showing my ignorance but isn't it better to ask?
    I'm in love with The Vinegar Man and Mr. Tanner, but be careful, it could just as easily be you.

    "If you're going to write you better have somewhere to come from." Flannery O'Connor

  11. #11
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ampoule View Post
    I paused at that also. It doesn't seem worthy of the rest.

    Can someone explain the first line to me? I'm probably showing my ignorance but isn't it better to ask?
    I had a hard time with that first line myself, wonderfully arresting as I thought it was, and sought and received an explanation from Bii that makes excellent sense of it but think I should leave it to her to offer it if she chooses or you might write to her yourself. Although she lives in England, she speaks normal.

  12. #12
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Smile

    I may be strange, but the last two lines were what made the poem for me. Bravo!

    Pen

    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

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    It's interesting to see that the first line has caused much confusion! I had to give it some thought to explain it myself, mainly because the line just appeared, out of nowhere, and popped into my head. But that being said it does have a reason, here goes... The line is a representation of sacrifice, because part of being human is to sacrifice, but it's not just about the sacrifice but rather about being the receptacle, or receipient of the sacrifice (rather than the sacrificee). We receive the sacrifices of others, and that affects who we are. Our parents make sacrifices for us, and the kind of sacrifices they make (whether we fully understand this or not) shapes who we become. This process continues through life, partners do it, strangers do it, we don't see it but it shapes us.

    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post
    I want to single out the one line that I don't like in this

    I am the silver cusp of the wave
    It comes across to me as the one line that's a little too premeditated, calculated, very pretty - but that's the problem: irresistably vivid as so many if not all the other lines are, they are not merely pictureque. That line, I think, is. Sometimes Keats and his "Beauty is truth, truth beauty" is about as dead wrong as a poet can be.
    Yes, I agree, it doesn't quite fit with the rest. I will probably remove it, or perhaps replace it with something else. Perhaps if I had said 'I am the breaking cusp of the wave' that would have fitted better, and not been so pretty. I'll give it some thought. Watch this space.....

  14. #14
    Ruadh gu brath ampoule's Avatar
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    I understand sacrifice. I just didn't understand split. I kept wanting to read it spilt and maybe even spit. But yes, sacrifice goes many ways.
    I'm in love with The Vinegar Man and Mr. Tanner, but be careful, it could just as easily be you.

    "If you're going to write you better have somewhere to come from." Flannery O'Connor

  15. #15
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ampoule View Post
    I understand sacrifice. I just didn't understand split. I kept wanting to read it spilt and maybe even spit. But yes, sacrifice goes many ways.
    Wow! I too read it as "spilt" and had to go back now and confirm that you were right (or rather that the ineffable Bii was wrong!)

    Bii! I beseech you, correct that or before a jury of your peers, explain how "split" is meant.

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