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Thread: Thought provoking!

  1. #1
    Why pester someone for... formality hater's Avatar
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    Post Thought provoking!

    BATTLING THE DISMAL...


    She saw the sun setting below the horizon and the very sight made her to quiver all over.The darkness would haunt her, and her senses reeled and shook when she pictured it.The night greeted her with usual audacity.She wrapped herself in a blanket as the icy wind almost slashed her bones."There is nothing to be afraid of," she assured herself for the umpteenth time, trying to to gather all the courage she would need to battle the venomous night.

    Her blooshot eyes were the clear evidence of the agony she had experienced.Her heavy eyelids made it very difficult for her to prepare breakfast.She knew that there would be eyes waiting and stomachs growling-all anxious to quench their thirst.She picked up a matchstick and lighted it.Her hands quivered as she did so and resisting the temptation to drop the burning match, she switched on the stove."Just fifteen minutes," she muttered to herself.In a most brutal way, she leaped for the cereal box and spilled the contents in an empty pot.She knew how her children loathed this dry breakfast, but she had no choice-it was the only quickest delight she could prepare, with her weary eyes and languid mind.

    After the breakfast,she tried to engage her wretched brain into the dull household drudgeries-but to no avail.Those endless nights had shaken her tremendously and terrified her to great extent.Although she lacked the energy to do chores but she did not wish to rest either.Night was the last thing she looked forward to so she once again tried to focus.

    The depraved night was once again ready to stretch.She kept rocking in her chair,trying to fix her eyes on the book.The print became obscure as she did so and after a minute or two,the words were barely discernible.She threw the book away and with mixed emotions of fear and anger,she stood up.She reached for the pills,just like any other night.The glass rattled in her hand as she poured the water into it.Shunning her mind completely,she finally did it! She had armed herself,to battle the langurous night, with a weapon that was more hazardous to herself.

    The tranquilizers did as little as they could.She wondered if the sleeping pills were effective as sleep seemed too terrified even to creep near her.She was shaking all over and she did not know why.Tossing and turning,she finally heaved a sigh.Once again she would have to stare at the ceiling,with eyes wide open,thinking endlessly about anything that would peek into her mind.A tear rolled down her cheek as she weakly mumbled to herself,"Why are the medicines not working?"A question that always remains unanswered.She was depressed but she could not figure out its cause."Maybe nothing, or perhaps the endless night,"she thought.
    .................................................. ........
    What do you think?
    Leaping and hopping like a frog now, but still have a long way to go before I get crowned as "King Frog"!

  2. #2
    mind your back chasestalling's Avatar
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    bravo. you allowed the suspense and tension to be created naturally without forcing them and from the most everyday of ailments.

    i especially liked the way night was invested with a character of its own, a character most telling in such phrases as "greeted her with her usual audacity" and "The depraved night was once again ready to stretch".

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    Metamorphosing Pensive's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chasestalling View Post
    bravo. you allowed the suspense and tension to be created naturally without forcing them and from the most everyday of ailments.

    i especially liked the way night was invested with a character of its own, a character most telling in such phrases as "greeted her with her usual audacity" and "The depraved night was once again ready to stretch".
    I second you! The night seems to be having characteristics itself!
    I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew.

  4. #4
    Why pester someone for... formality hater's Avatar
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    Thanks for commenting!
    I hope that others also find it worth commenting!
    Leaping and hopping like a frog now, but still have a long way to go before I get crowned as "King Frog"!

  5. #5

    cool story

    excellent work. love the theme.

  6. #6
    Why pester someone for... formality hater's Avatar
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    Thanx greedyduck!
    Leaping and hopping like a frog now, but still have a long way to go before I get crowned as "King Frog"!

  7. #7
    Registered User ida's Avatar
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    made me feel sleepy.( i mean, it's a good thing. i felt myself on the place of the character) you utilize just the right words. although, it's not finished i guess. at the end i got the feeling as if you were rushing somewhere and got lazy to complete the work.

    GOOD LUCK
    living in Tbilisi, Georgia, it's hard to get modern american fiction.... anybody, open the book store in Tbilisi have no clue about this country and city? tell me and i'll give some URL addresse or send me some books (kidding)

  8. #8
    Why pester someone for... formality hater's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ida View Post
    although, it's not finished i guess. at the end i got the feeling as if you were rushing somewhere and got lazy to complete the work.
    It IS finished.Actually I "tried" to end it with girl's uncertainity.The story was built up with scenarios,I could not have a planned ending for it-the whole point would have been wrecked then.

    I am pleased that you found it worth reading!
    Leaping and hopping like a frog now, but still have a long way to go before I get crowned as "King Frog"!

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