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Thread: Can boys and girls be friends?

  1. #181
    Progressive Ascension MattG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SleepyWitch View Post
    hope this hasn't been done before:
    can boys and girls/ women and men be friends, esp. when one of them is single? or will one of them start to romance the other sooner or later?
    I can only answer for me...

    When I was young, no. Now that I'm 'seasoned', yes.
    An eclectic collection of learned behaviors.

  2. #182
    liber vermicula Bitterfly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pensive View Post
    Sorry to go a bit off-topic but I can't really see how being sexually attracted to a couple of kids confirms you have a tender heart/not being in love (romantic) shows that you don't have a tender heart...
    Hmm, because we were not speaking about sexual attraction, first of all? Dori rejected my suggestion of crushes (which I associate with sexual attraction) and said he fell in love, if I remember well. Where you could be right, though, is that falling in love and sexual attraction might not be very different. I still haven't made up my mind as to whether the impression of falling in love is an illusion that masks "mere" sexual attraction (anyway, i don't much care, both are s pleasant!! ).

    As for the second part of your question, I'm a little surprised that you equate not falling in love with being romantic, actually. Do you mean that those who don't fall in love right and left are in fact waiting for the right person to come along or something like that?

  3. #183
    Metamorphosing Pensive's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bitterfly View Post
    Hmm, because we were not speaking about sexual attraction, first of all? Dori rejected my suggestion of crushes (which I associate with sexual attraction) and said he fell in love, if I remember well. Where you could be right, though, is that falling in love and sexual attraction might not be very different. I still haven't made up my mind as to whether the impression of falling in love is an illusion that masks "mere" sexual attraction (anyway, i don't much care, both are s pleasant!! ).
    Well, when you feel like taking somebody to a prom, it usually shows that you are not only interested in their words of wisdom or intellectual talk or any other qualities that you may think makes a person 'love' another. Sexual attraction does have a part in that unless it's a platonic crush which judging by Dori's posts does not appear to be.

    the second part of your question, I'm a little surprised that you equate not falling in love with being romantic, actually. Do you mean that those who don't fall in love right and left are in fact waiting for the right person to come along or something like that?
    I don't. It was romantic love.

    All I meant was that romantic involvement in somebody (or three people at a time as it seems to be the case here) no way shows that you are basically tender-hearted and especially that you are more tender-hearted than a person who isn't involed in somebody in the romantic sense. (No offence meant to Dori, I am just speaking generally).
    Last edited by Pensive; 12-16-2008 at 01:59 PM.
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  4. #184
    Procrastinator General *Classic*Charm*'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joreads View Post
    I have seen this go really badly as well. Someone always ends up hurt.
    Actually, I fine that they usually end up in a relationship, which of course was what both people involved were avoiding. This might not sound like a bad thing, but usually their little arrangement started because both had just gotten out of serious relationships and wanted intimacy without commitment. They end up committed when neither was really ready to be so. The relationships are never healthy ones.
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  5. #185
    Jealous Optimist Dori's Avatar
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    To clear up my comments:

    The females I was referring to are not those whom I lusted, but those whom I genuinely loved (well, one of them at least!). The one girl that I fell in love with (and I don't use this phrase lightly) refused me. It was not a crush, at least to my understanding it wasn't. At first I thought it was, but after 2 years of bitter torment I was convinced that I loved her (I confess I was REALLY shy). I unintentially confessed my love over AIM (she prompted me). If you're interested, I still have that AIM convo saved on my computer. I still have feelings for her, and I my heart cringes at the mentioning of her boyfriend (every math class!).

    Now she's one of my best friends, and I would give anything to be with her.

    I never lusted her, by the way. The gorgeous girls that I've never talked to, those are the ones I lust.
    com-pas-sion (n.) [ME. & OFr. <LL. (Ec.) compassio, sympathy < compassus, pp. of compati, to feel pity < L. com-, together + pali, to suffer] sorrow for the sufferings or trouble of another or others, accompanied by an urge to help; deep sympathy; pity

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  6. #186
    liber vermicula Bitterfly's Avatar
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    All I meant was that romantic involvement in somebody (or three people at a time as it seems to be the case here) no way shows that you are basically tender-hearted and especially that you are more tender-hearted than a person who isn't involed in somebody in the romantic sense. (No offence meant to Dori, I am just speaking generally).
    Well, there we differ! In French there's a nice expression to qualify someone who falls in love easily: an artichoke heart, ie a tender heart that is easily touched by the arrows of Cupid! Someone who never falls in love, I must admit I'd find rather cold.

  7. #187
    nothing lasts forever maraki16's Avatar
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    well, i think it is high time i said what my opinion on this whole friends-issue. to start with, i do not think that friendship between the two sexes can exist really easily and that it can be an honest 100% friendly relationship, because we are bound to find each other attractive in a way. nature's fault not mine! boys and girls may be friends but it is hard that no one will feel something more at some time, even if this feeling won't last long. moreover, i believe it is difficult to have a best friend of the other sex.


    now, about the friends with benefits. come on!let's be mature and not act like kids!how many of us could be friends with someone and have an open relationship with him at the same time? because we are talking about some kind of open relationship here, don't we? could you sleep with someone whom you regard as a friend, then stay friends with him, without feeling anything more, and every now and then sleep with him, or act like you are lovers? that is not a friendship, because if this could be part of friendships in general, then you would do the same with your friends of the same sex, or there would be no need for people to commit themselves to a relationship; we could all just have some friends, to some of whom we could be sexually attracted and have purely sexual relationships with.or no?


    and i would also agree with tim. i think we should be honest with the people we like, or are in love with. i think it is better for our mentality to declare our feelings for others-and i am not just talking about love- than keep them inside. personally, i find it really hard to hide them, it is not that i can't , because i do can if i want to, it is just that this thing makes me feel really bad and full of anxiety. i think that honesty is better, even if things don't turn out the way we'd wish them to. and tim, please don't cry cause i will cry too
    love is like a flower; it needs warmth and light as well as some space and care in order to grow. if you take care of it it grows and blossoms and you can taste its scent and touch its velvet surface and look at its bright colours. if you don't, it dies. and of course a flower has no meaning either if you don't give it to someone or have it growing next to another one. flowers are delicate. and so is love.

  8. #188
    Pièce de Résistance Scheherazade's Avatar
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    So, what do you think?
    Quote Originally Posted by SleepyWitch View Post
    hope this hasn't been done before:
    can boys and girls/ women and men be friends, esp. when one of them is single? or will one of them start to romance the other sooner or later?
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  9. #189
    Suzerain of Cost&Caution SleepyWitch's Avatar
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    oops, Scher, sorry haven't been around in a while.

    Well... I used to think it was all clear-cut and you could have boy-girl friendships with zero romance. I still think that's possible, but maybe it's rarer than I thought. Now I think it's more like a spectrum and there might be an element of romance in these friendships, but of course it all depends on how people deal with it. I still believe they can be friends if they handle it maturely and don't get upset or carried away or whatever.

    Anyway, I have another question. What annoys me majorly these days is the way girls say "I like him." when they mean they fancy someone. I mean, come on. If it was there boyfriend and another girl asked them "How's it going with your boyfriend?" the answer would not be: "Oh yeah, I like him."
    The problem is the meaning of 'like' gets sexualised and whenever I try to say that I like a guy who I am trying to make friends with, other girls give me weird looks or go on about how I'm married or he's married or whatever. So are you supposed to deny or cover up your friendships with people of the opposite sex, just so these girls can have some piece of mind?
    Was it ever possible to say "I like X." about a person of the opposite sex to say you like them as a friend without any sexual connotations or is that just me splitting hairs?

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