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Thread: Facade

  1. 05-25-2007, 09:05 AM #1
    Sani
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    Facade

    Anger ensues when the girl that comes between a man and wife spills her pestilence, for her own gain.

    Seemingly, she is humble, she is devoted, she is integral, she is true.

    Yet in her element, is this force that destroys.

    She stirs the dish, pours in the jealousy, a pinch of hate, forming only an illusion.

    At others despair, she is joyous, behind the mask she wears.

    She destroys, she is wicked, she is intentionally cruel.

    She sings with great harmony, great power, and great soul.

    But, like a hurricane, she spoils the soil.
    Hope is the bird with feathers,
    That perches in the soul,
    And sings the song without words,
    And never stops - at all.
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  2. 05-25-2007, 12:28 PM #2
    Pendragon
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    I read lines, but not cohesion that would make it a poem. Sorry, I may be missing something, but I don't get this one.
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...
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  3. 05-25-2007, 01:03 PM #3
    Sani
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    Im glad you said that Sir. Pendragon, it is a little messy. I'm no poet, i just had a go for the first time today *blushes* but looking over it again, i can see how it made sense to me, and not to an outside reader....

    Its about 2girls and a guy. Girl no1 (singer who is seemingly true hearted) is trying to come between girl no2 & the guy...

    Girl no.2 is the voice in this poem and as a result "Anger is ensued...". Everything the malicious girl comes into contact with is destroyed, tainted....

    x
    Hope is the bird with feathers,
    That perches in the soul,
    And sings the song without words,
    And never stops - at all.
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  4. 05-25-2007, 01:03 PM #4
    Sani
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    Im glad you said that Sir. Pendragon, it is a little messy. I'm no poet, i just had a go for the first time today *blushes* but looking over it again, i can see how it made sense to me, and not to an outside reader.... lesson learnt!

    Its about 2girls and a guy. Girl no1 (singer who is seemingly true hearted) is trying to come between girl no2 & the guy...

    Girl no.2 is the voice in this poem and as a result "Anger is ensued...". Everything the malicious girl comes into contact with is destroyed, tainted....

    x
    Hope is the bird with feathers,
    That perches in the soul,
    And sings the song without words,
    And never stops - at all.
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  5. 05-27-2007, 08:52 PM #5
    motherhubbard
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    I got it, but I think maybe you are not giving it enough. Like you were quickly spilling something out, but not all of it. I maybe think you are leaving out the guy's part in the situation. I see how it touches both girls. The last line was very clear and descriptive to me.
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  6. 05-28-2007, 08:59 AM #6
    Sani
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    Thankyou Mother H - they guy -he was a total looser!

    x
    Hope is the bird with feathers,
    That perches in the soul,
    And sings the song without words,
    And never stops - at all.
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  7. 05-28-2007, 10:14 AM #7
    blp
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    Well, I like it. I like the double spacing and the way it rushes at you. Don't be so sure you're not a poet.

    The word you want in your last post is 'loser'. 'Looser' is pronounced with a soft 's' and just means 'more loose'. Sorry, it's not just you. Everyone seems to make that mistake. I'm on a mission!
    But I try to want what?

    Taking a cue from The Atheist: click to give food to the hungry - free
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  8. 05-28-2007, 10:33 AM #8
    Pendragon
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    Exclamation

    You inspired me, Sani, with your storyline. Now, I give you the chance to criticize me. Your storyline, my poem. And do not be afraid to say the truth. I have been criticized by experts, believe me!

    Triangle II

    There is a line of demarcation
    Where the surf flirts shamelessly
    With the golden reclining beach.
    He brings her tokens to mark his love;
    Here a perfect whelk shell,
    There a picturesque weathered bit of driftwood,
    Finally a golden ring from a forgotten treasure ship…

    But other eyes are watching, and they are jealous,
    Lightning flares as their anger grows.
    The tsunami swells to his greatest height and power,
    He shall have maiden fair if he must take her by force.
    He rushes upon them without warning:
    (Golden ring, bah—he’ll bring the whole ship!)
    The surf goes flying; the beach cannot bear his passion,
    He leaves her wounded and scarred…
    Alone…

    But the surf comes back, and gently caresses her,
    Even scarred as she is, he loves her still.
    All cannot be undone in a moment—
    But they have all the time in the world to rebuild…
    And softly he begins to help her heal…

    Pendragon
    © 5/28/07
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...
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  9. 05-28-2007, 10:38 AM #9
    Sani
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    Reply:

    lols.
    Nothing more attractive then a man on a good mission. (Unluess your not a man lols)
    Hope is the bird with feathers,
    That perches in the soul,
    And sings the song without words,
    And never stops - at all.
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  10. 05-28-2007, 10:45 AM #10
    Sani
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    "And softly he begins to help her heal" - i liked the ending.... probably the most powerful moment in the poem.... And was a good risk to take with such vivid description... especially the "Tsunami" - i have a personal attatchemnt to natural imagary - that was cool.

    Why is it called Triangle ?

    Look forward to reading more of your stuff.
    Hope is the bird with feathers,
    That perches in the soul,
    And sings the song without words,
    And never stops - at all.
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  11. 05-30-2007, 05:26 PM #11
    Outlander
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    Sani...wear black and play bongos...It's perfect for that.
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  12. 06-01-2007, 08:13 AM #12
    Sani
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    Question

    *lost*
    Wear black and play bongo's???????
    Hope is the bird with feathers,
    That perches in the soul,
    And sings the song without words,
    And never stops - at all.
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  13. 06-01-2007, 08:20 AM #13
    Riesa
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    I think that's some sort of beatnik activity and mode of dressing..at least that's what I imagine...some smoky cafe, east village, 1950 something. woman dressed in black lamenting, spitting poetry.


    I like this poem, the phrasing, the slight rhymes. it's forceful. each line builds to the final...like a hurricane.
    "Don't matter who they are, anybody sets foot in this house, they are company and don't let me catch you remarking on their ways like you were so high and mighty."
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  14. 06-01-2007, 08:37 AM #14
    Sani
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    Smile Ere With Caution

    Ere with Caution

    If you look deep within,
    You will find a secret place,
    Clutched together are continents of emotions,
    A tapestry of the soul, pigments of Him.

    But one must not forget to know,
    That in fear - boundaries bring woe.
    That the world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon,
    And that boundries don't keep them out, but fence you in!
    Hope is the bird with feathers,
    That perches in the soul,
    And sings the song without words,
    And never stops - at all.
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  15. 06-01-2007, 08:45 AM #15
    Sani
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    Not Looking Back

    Not Looking Back

    Once upon a different time, she fell for a facade that now lingers in her mind.
    That place was wonderful, perfect, one might say,
    Until the ghosts and goblins came out to play.

    People turned their backs and spat in her face,
    With their rank and position and envy and hate....

    Until she returned onto her original path,
    And then finally, she seriously, kicked some a*s!
    Hope is the bird with feathers,
    That perches in the soul,
    And sings the song without words,
    And never stops - at all.
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