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Thread: Hymn to abstract

  1. #1
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    Hymn to abstract

    That, who is no where,
    But lying every where,
    That, who is not with me,
    But within me,
    Like fragrance in the soul of flower
    We can’t touch it, only sensed it
    I praise to that abstract

    As my body acted upon my mind
    Mind upon will
    And will upon soul
    Akin to that
    Every soul is driven by forces
    And these forces controlled by unknown, ,
    I praise to that abstract

    All the planets enslaved by love,
    The cryptic relationship
    Emblem of eternity,
    Which, grows naturally
    As flowers bloom in the spring
    Without a pre-conceived idea
    And either it is a frozen cold wind
    Or hot summer wind
    Both pleases our senses, without a discrepancy
    Same, the faceless love,
    The song of divine
    Nourishes our soul with its soft feel
    And the eternal flute, whose sweet and vital jingle
    Flows through our breath
    And soothes our hidden desires,
    Which is not a part of our self
    But from our congenital evolution, existing with us,
    Get the thought of whose…?
    I praise to that abstract



    A man, who lives life with his wishes
    His joy, sorrow, sin and virtue
    Deeds and misdeeds and all his effort
    Are glimpse of a perpetual idea
    And who is playing with others
    Mostly played by others
    And, who climbs everyday a new mountain
    Always at the abyss of dark ocean
    Unless and until, he would not get rays of truth
    The man, who is an objective reality
    But, the subjective reality of him
    I praise only that abstract

  2. #2
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    I really love the first rwo stanzas, aashishameya (I need to shorten that somehow, aashish be OK?) they flow well, and your imagery is solid. The longer the verses get, the more unstable they become as you must make your way back to your closing line, which is very powerful. Perhaps tighten the longer verses? A good poem, a solid idea, a poweful message and closing line. Just needs a little tightening in the longer verses. You go, Girl!
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  3. #3
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    i am happy that you like poem, thanks for comment, if you think shorter version will be better, them please edit it and send me back...
    thanks again

  4. #4
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    I'll try, Asshish, but it is your poem and I don't like to meddle. Ignore this if you don't like it.


    Hymn to abstract

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    That, who is no where,
    But lying every where,
    That, who is not with me,
    But within me,
    Like fragrance in the soul of flower
    We can’t touch it, only sensed it
    I praise to that abstract

    As my body acted upon my mind
    Mind upon will
    And will upon soul
    Akin to that
    Every soul is driven by forces
    And these forces controlled by unknown, ,
    I praise to that abstract

    All the planets enslaved by love,
    The cryptic relationship
    Emblem of eternity,
    Which, grows naturally
    As flowers bloom in the spring
    Without a pre-conceived idea
    And either it is a frozen cold wind
    Or hot summer wind
    Both pleases our senses, without a discrepancy
    I praise to that abstract

    Same, the faceless love,
    The song of divine
    Nourishes our soul with its soft feel
    And the eternal flute, whose sweet and vital jingle
    Flows through our breath
    And soothes our hidden desires,
    Which is not a part of our self
    But from our congenital evolution, existing with us,
    Get the thought of whose…?
    I praise to that abstract

    A man, who lives life with his wishes
    His joy, sorrow, sin and virtue
    Deeds and misdeeds and all his effort
    Are glimpse of a perpetual idea
    And who is playing with others
    Mostly played by others
    Pitcher broken at the fountain remains unmended
    I praise to that abstract

    Stumbling in a sandstorm,
    Lost and wandering among shadows
    And, who climbs everyday a new mountain
    Always at the abyss of dark ocean
    Unless and until, he would not get rays of truth
    The man, who is an objective reality
    But, the subjective reality of him
    I praise only that abstract


    I encourage you to write your own lines in place of the ones I inserted. The poem is yours, not mine. The shorter stanzas keep the flow going better, I think, but ask others. I claim no cloak of expertise.

    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  5. #5
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    thank you very much dear friend, your help is always admired....

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