Hymn to abstract

[aashishameya]

That, who is no where,
But lying every where,
That, who is not with me,
But within me,
Like fragrance in the soul of flower
We can’t touch it, only sensed it
I praise to that abstract

As my body acted upon my mind
Mind upon will
And will upon soul
Akin to that
Every soul is driven by forces
And these forces controlled by unknown, ,
I praise to that abstract

All the planets enslaved by love,
The cryptic relationship
Emblem of eternity,
Which, grows naturally
As flowers bloom in the spring
Without a pre-conceived idea
And either it is a frozen cold wind
Or hot summer wind
Both pleases our senses, without a discrepancy
Same, the faceless love,
The song of divine
Nourishes our soul with its soft feel
And the eternal flute, whose sweet and vital jingle
Flows through our breath
And soothes our hidden desires,
Which is not a part of our self
But from our congenital evolution, existing with us,
Get the thought of whose…?
I praise to that abstract



A man, who lives life with his wishes
His joy, sorrow, sin and virtue
Deeds and misdeeds and all his effort
Are glimpse of a perpetual idea
And who is playing with others
Mostly played by others
And, who climbs everyday a new mountain
Always at the abyss of dark ocean
Unless and until, he would not get rays of truth
The man, who is an objective reality
But, the subjective reality of him
I praise only that abstract

[Pendragon]

I really love the first rwo stanzas, aashishameya (I need to shorten that somehow, aashish be OK?) they flow well, and your imagery is solid. The longer the verses get, the more unstable they become as you must make your way back to your closing line, which is very powerful. Perhaps tighten the longer verses? A good poem, a solid idea, a poweful message and closing line. Just needs a little tightening in the longer verses. You go, Girl!

[aashishameya]

i am happy that you like poem, thanks for comment, if you think shorter version will be better, them please edit it and send me back...
thanks again

[Pendragon]

I'll try, Asshish, but it is your poem and I don't like to meddle. Ignore this if you don't like it.


Hymn to abstract

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That, who is no where,
But lying every where,
That, who is not with me,
But within me,
Like fragrance in the soul of flower
We can’t touch it, only sensed it
I praise to that abstract

As my body acted upon my mind
Mind upon will
And will upon soul
Akin to that
Every soul is driven by forces
And these forces controlled by unknown, ,
I praise to that abstract

All the planets enslaved by love,
The cryptic relationship
Emblem of eternity,
Which, grows naturally
As flowers bloom in the spring
Without a pre-conceived idea
And either it is a frozen cold wind
Or hot summer wind
Both pleases our senses, without a discrepancy
I praise to that abstract

Same, the faceless love,
The song of divine
Nourishes our soul with its soft feel
And the eternal flute, whose sweet and vital jingle
Flows through our breath
And soothes our hidden desires,
Which is not a part of our self
But from our congenital evolution, existing with us,
Get the thought of whose…?
I praise to that abstract

A man, who lives life with his wishes
His joy, sorrow, sin and virtue
Deeds and misdeeds and all his effort
Are glimpse of a perpetual idea
And who is playing with others
Mostly played by others
Pitcher broken at the fountain remains unmended
I praise to that abstract

Stumbling in a sandstorm,
Lost and wandering among shadows
And, who climbs everyday a new mountain
Always at the abyss of dark ocean
Unless and until, he would not get rays of truth
The man, who is an objective reality
But, the subjective reality of him
I praise only that abstract


I encourage you to write your own lines in place of the ones I inserted. The poem is yours, not mine. The shorter stanzas keep the flow going better, I think, but ask others. I claim no cloak of expertise.

[aashishameya]

thank you very much dear friend, your help is always admired....