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Thread: OH! This Love

  1. #1

    OH! This Love

    OH! THIS LOVE

    One day, many years ago, my friend came to me and announced jubilantly that he is in love. It is a most wonderful and unbelievable feeling, he said with a flushed face. “And who is the unlucky girl!” I asked. The girl’s name surprised me for I also knew her quite well. She seemed to me a nice, normal girl. “My God! You have known her for so many years and now you are telling me that you have fallen in love with her,” I expressed my surprise. “Love is a strange thing,” he replied smiling, looking lost in his own world. It turned out that the two lovers had not yet confessed their feelings to each other, but my friend felt confident that the girl too was in love with him. He started speaking about the girl with such intensity that I began to wonder whether a screw has got loosened inside his head. Believe me, you can never be sure about these lovebirds. I once knew a guy who had quite a collection of his girl’s pens, pencils, rubbers, hairpins, handkerchiefs and several such items. He would look lovingly at all these inexpensive things as if they were priceless treasures. Then there was another chap who would toss a coin and catching it in mid-air would mutter, “ If heads, Sonya is mine. If tails, then also Sonya is mine.” This man was not leaving anything to chance, probably believing in the famous quote, “Everything is fair in love and war.” So next time when I met my friend and found him still raving about his girl, I had to interrupt him. I informed him that I too met his girl the other day, and talked to her deliberately for half an hour on variety of topics. But I could not find anything extra-ordinary about her. She looked to me just another girl. I reminded him of the exaggerated claims, he was making about this girl on our pervious meeting - ‘Her eyes are irresistible, simply mesmerizing’, ‘When I look into her eyes, my heart beats loudly and the sound gets as loud as that of tick-tock of a wall clock’, ‘she is very kind, very sincere, very tolerant, very selfless’ etc. “Just to verify your claims,” I told him, “I looked so deeply into her two eyes that I could see my face’s reflection there. But the blacks of her eyes just failed to have any impact upon me. I didn’t see anything irresistible or mesmerizing there. Even my heartbeats remained perfectly normal.” As a further check, I even tried to concentrate on her eyelashes and eyebrows, but again, my efforts met with total failure. She must have felt rather odd at my behavior and I suddenly realized that she is clenching her fists and glaring at me in a dangerous way. Before any untoward incident could occur, I bid her a hasty good bye. My friend then patiently explained to me that as he is in love with this girl, she has become a special girl for him alone; for all other persons she would remain just another girl. The logic made some sense to me. Very soon it became apparent to me that the girl too was madly in love with my friend. Her face would lit up like a 1000 watts bulb on seeing him, and when he was around, she would give those toothpaste-ad-like smiles to no one in particular. The smiles were, of course, indirectly directed at my friend. My friend would often tell me that the girl’s eyes are like shining stars. I too tried to stretch my imagination to its limits, but somehow, it was not my cup of tea. Her eyes always looked like eyes to me, and never as shining stars. Then one day there was some misunderstanding between the two and the two stopped talking with each other. Their egos began to clash. If the two were coming from opposite directions, they would turn away their heads at 90-degree angles while crossing each other. One day the girl even took a quick U-turn when she sighted my friend walking towards her. Just to show off, my friend would chat happily with his friends in presence of the girl. However, the moment the girl would leave the scene, he would loose all interest in everything. The anguish on his face was there for all to see. The girl too behaved in an identical fashion. When my friend was around, she would pretend that everything is fine with her world and she would chirp happily with her friends. All other times, she looked intensely tormented. As I was the common friend of the two lovers, I had to unite them before it got too late. They felt truly grateful to me for this, and said that when I would die and God take stock of my good and bad deeds, this good deed of mine would secure me a ticket to heaven. As this didn’t satisfy me, they gave me a good party.
    It is said that romantic love is only temporary, and it comes and goes; for love to culminate into a lasting, happy marriage the two partners should have intrinsic goodness. Fortunately, the two lovers possessed this quality in abundance. I don’t know where they are now. But I can bet that wherever they are, they must be leading happy lives and also contributing their bit in making this world a better and happier place.
    MAXIM

  2. #2
    Metamorphosing Pensive's Avatar
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    Ummm...sorry, I don't mean to discourage you or anything like that, but your tenses need to be improved. And if you would have posted the story in different paragraphs, it would have been easier to read it.
    I sang of leaves, of leaves of gold, and leaves of gold there grew.

  3. #3
    Dear Pensive
    Thanks for your comments. I read your poem and liked it.
    Comments from other readers on improvements are welcome.
    MAXIM

  4. #4
    Vinlite vin1391's Avatar
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    I agree with Pensive..making the story into paragraphs will be a good thing...And some minor grammar mistakes caught my eye..but anyway I like the theme..its an everydaything and yet it is at the same time special..

    All The Best in your writings...
    "When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." --*Helen Keller*

  5. #5
    who me?? optimisticnad's Avatar
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    Hi Maxim,

    Not that I know anything about short stories but there is some potential here, there's far too much 'commentary' and not enough 'showing'. I'm doing so posts on short story theory on my blog at the moment, Got two parts up. Hope they help.

    I'm actually not sure if this is even a story, I'm not going to say what is and isn't a short story, that debate is centuries old and lets leave it to the experts.

    Your similes are a little cliched. One thing I know about love is that its so unique, it means something different to each person so perhaps it'd be a good idea to show your friends love as being uniquely his/theirs.

    Best of luck. Very brave to put this up!
    We can never know what to want, because living only one life we can neither compare it with our previous lives, nor perfect it in our lives to come'
    Milan Kundera,The Unbearable Lightness of Being


    Parce que c'est toi, parce que c'est moi

  6. #6
    raxikool raxikool's Avatar
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    Post show love

    [FONT="Georgia"] to show luv to pple, either ur girl friends or pally's but others takes ur luv for granted, u showed them luv but there keeps on pretending and doing some stuffs that would makes u gets angry. its good to show luv 2 ppl even ur guys and everybody around u
    Last edited by raxikool; 04-03-2007 at 11:25 AM. Reason: bad english

  7. #7
    Kat in a Hat kathycf's Avatar
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    This almost reads more like an essay than a story. Is this based on a real life experience of your's or is it pure fiction? At any rate, there is a nice message here.

    Try some fine tuning of grammar and punctuation, and yes, break it up into paragraphs and you have the makings of a nice piece.
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  8. #8
    Suzerain of Cost&Caution SleepyWitch's Avatar
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    not too bad.
    but you could describe how you/the narrator helped them reunite in more detail.
    the ending is a bit abrupt, too and this message about what it takes to have a happy marriage is a bit out of the blue:
    is said that romantic love is only temporary, and it comes and goes; for love to culminate into a lasting, happy marriage the two partners should have intrinsic goodness. Fortunately, the two lovers possessed this quality in abundance. I don’t know where they are now. But I can bet that wherever they are, they must be leading happy lives and also contributing their bit in making this world a better and happier place.

  9. #9
    Dear Sleepy witch
    Thanks for your comments. I wanted to make it short so that people read it at one go, and that's why ending looked a bit abrupt. Also that escatic feeling of 'being in love' is unfortunately not a permanent feeling and changes with time. It is then only the goodness and tolerance in partners, that will keep them together ( for e.g. if they have too much money or too little money or one of them have bad health etc)
    I have taken soft copy of your story 'Revels before lent' and would reply to you within next few days as it is very long.
    Maxim

  10. #10
    Suzerain of Cost&Caution SleepyWitch's Avatar
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    yep, i understood what you want to get across, but the message at the end seems a little blunt. rather than just sticking it on to the end of the story, you could show how it relates to your characters' lives

    thanks for downloading my story

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