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Thread: Form Poem Contest

  1. #691
    King of Dreams MorpheusSandman's Avatar
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    Here's my Triad submission (this was a fun challenge):

    The Road's Memory

    A life of memories paved this road
    A life that’s not yet done
    A life to carry memory’s load
    On roads to walk not run

    It’s death that ends all that’s begun
    It’s death that can’t be slowed
    It’s death that seals us from the sun
    And is our last abode

    Forget, delete your memory’s code
    Embrace the death of one
    Prepare to pave a brand new road
    And raise a newborn son
    Last edited by MorpheusSandman; 01-18-2010 at 12:07 AM.
    "As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being." --Carl Gustav Jung

    "To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due." --Neil Gaiman; The Sandman Vol. 4: Season of Mists

    "I'm on my way, from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh" --The Proclaimers

  2. #692
    Ruadh gu brath ampoule's Avatar
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    In the Cards

    Pick a day, any day, to be your first,
    Just try to stop it and you'll surely burst.
    Time marches on, yes, time marches on,
    Each hour, each minute, soon they'll be gone.

    One-two-three, one-two-three; Hup! Two-Three-Four
    Your cadence so stiff, your dance, asks for more,
    Your life's metronome beats like your heart,
    With each cleansing pass you've got a fresh start.

    Pick up the tempo, add rhythm, add zest,
    Be mindful, aware of just what goes best.
    And when you sit down on this cold winter's night,
    Just give it a rest and you'll do all right.

    ampoule, January Eighteenth, TwoThousandTen
    I'm in love with The Vinegar Man and Mr. Tanner, but be careful, it could just as easily be you.

    "If you're going to write you better have somewhere to come from." Flannery O'Connor

  3. #693
    Inexplicably Undiscovered
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    My, we have so many entries that it's going to be pretty darn difficult to choose just one! It's really gratifying.
    If there are any more LitNutters who want to post an entry, you have the rest of today and this evening.

    Then comes the hard part for your ol' Auntie!

  4. #694
    Inexplicably Undiscovered
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    Now it's time to face the difficult task of presenting the results of the form poetry contest.

    There's a pleasant surprise in not only the goodly quantity of entries but also the overall quality of the material. Everyone --and I do mean everyone --should be proud of his or her effort. In their individual triads, all of our entrants composed the prescribed number of lines (9 or 12). To a greater or lesser degree, most contributors didn't forget that the triad hinges on three connected components and in this specific instance, the particular topic of "a fresh start." Additionally, kudos to the entrants who carried the idea of "freshness" into their poems themselves by making an earnest effort to avoid overused, banal expressions.

    Now some comments on the individual entries:

    --The untitled piece by Pendragon shows us life "starting over again." Connected by the effectively-repeated "song," are a tree, a cloud, and a flower-- all specific images of spring.

    --A different type of spring comes in "To the River, To the Sea" by qimissung, who employs images of water, a baby bird, and love as the connecting element. Of particular interest is the word-play in the use of "freshet," both the literal little stream and the renewal that it brings.

    --Dark Moon's "Luna Lupis" presents pictures of "Mother Moon," a hunter/predator, and blood as "life's vital wine." The looming darkness contrasted with the moonlight adds tension to this piece.

    --The extended metaphor of firefangled's "Convergence" as lines such as drawn by a road, the edge of the sea, and the horizon--"the far bent line" is both logical and elegant. Just as most roads don't really end but merge into a new road, so does the line between the "realm of sleep" and waking, when a new or fresh line begins. I also liked the concrete, specific references, such as Tenerife, a Mediterranean resort (which, if my memory of history serves, is tinged with tragedy.) I loved all of this piece, but especially the line "an ancient sea made new, so clear, though brief." This is a finely-executed and thought-provoking poem.

    --The image of a road also appears in "The Road's Memory" by MorpheusSandman. In this piece that employs an appropriate and unobtrusive rhyme scheme, the three components are life, death, and memory, with the "newborn son" providing the connecting, perhaps healing, element.

    Another entry that is unafraid to use rhyme is "Night" by Dr. Jekyll, as with blade/made" and "departed/uncharted." The central image is that of night as a dome, under which woman's tears fall and spirit cavort, albeit temporarily.

    A delightful dancing and/or marching rhythm enlivens ampoule's "In the Cards." With "tempo, rhythm, and zest" as the three elements, ampoule's poem has the best opening line among these entries: "Pick a day, any day, to be your first," a witty allusion to "Pick a card, any card" parlor tricks. The rhythm of this piece is very strong, and shows how effective a poem can
    be when form and content are intertwined, when the poem does what it says.

    --"Mountain Sun" by Virgil beautifully fulfills all of the criteria of the triad. Three perceptible items appear in the first three verses: sun/eagle's air/ snow, rain/gift of love/ breaking sun/, and the climb/winds/cresting sun. The concluding verse connects all with a first the kiss, the beginning of a new love. This evocative piece is an outstanding triad. Well-done, Virgil!

    --Finally, three sections of a day --morning, day, and night -- and three necessary tasks or requirements of life provide the frame for "Rituals" by TheFifthElement. The morning is symbolized by fulfilling needs to sustain life, the day by fulfilling social and civil obligations (paying bills and taxes), and the night by fulfilling spiritual obligations. The diction of this poem is colloquial with "homely" images, which remind me somewhat of the deceptively-simple language found in the poems of Frost and Auden. Indeed, the concrete details --such as pouring milk in a cup with a Mandarin duck pattern --all represent ingrained habits, obligations, and traditions --"rituals" if you will-- that stand in the way of a fresh start. Mention of the speaker's mother and father further link "rituals" to the past. An extra-added attraction is this poem's note of wit and tone of melancholy which hearkens back to the triad's Celtic origins. This truly exceptional piece which packs an emotional wallop takes the honors for this round of the Form Poetry Contest.

    Sincerest thanks and congratulations to all of our contributors.

    TheFifthElement, would you please select our next poetry form?
    Last edited by AuntShecky; 01-19-2010 at 05:16 PM. Reason: adding a sentence

  5. #695
    feathers firefangled's Avatar
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    Congratulations Fifth!

    I loved this poem when I read it for the subtle way you presented the theme.

    I can add nothing to what AuntShecky has said so well, except what struck me right away was how the repetition in your poem was so well executed to support the content and the title without becoming overbearing, drawing just enough attention to itself.

    I'm very happy you won. It's a fine poem.

  6. #696
    Vincit Qui Se Vincit Virgil's Avatar
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    Oh I had forgotten to come back and look at the results. Thank you for your kind words Aunty.

    Congratulations Fifth! I enjoyed your poem.
    LET THERE BE LIGHT

    "Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena

    My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/

  7. #697
    Audi et alteram partem. Dr Jekyll's Avatar
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    Congrats to everyone who participated!
    "I should like to know what people fear the most: whatever is contrary to their usual habits, I imagine." -Fyodor Dostoevsky

    "A book must be an ice-axe to break the seas frozen inside our soul" -Franz Kafka

  8. #698
    Ruadh gu brath ampoule's Avatar
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    I couldn't imagine any other choice but Fifth's, though all were good, truly. I just immediately lost myself in her poem. It was beautiful.
    And Auntie, you made me feel like a winner with your wonderful comments. Forms are difficult for me but now I'm going to make more effort. Thank you!
    I'm in love with The Vinegar Man and Mr. Tanner, but be careful, it could just as easily be you.

    "If you're going to write you better have somewhere to come from." Flannery O'Connor

  9. #699
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Congrads, Fifth. A truly worthy poem1
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  10. #700
    All are at the crossroads qimissung's Avatar
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    Congratulations, Fifth for a poem of such naked, pure simplicity. I can easily envision a clean and quiet kitchen and this woman, who seems unbearably lonely for some reason, still going about her daily tasks.

    But, you know, these were all excellent poems. I enjoyed each one so much. Well done, my friends, well done!
    "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its' own reason for existing." ~ Albert Einstein
    "Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Bonzai
    "Some people say I done alright for a girl." Melanie Safka

  11. #701
    Internal nebulae TheFifthElement's Avatar
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    Terza rima

    Thank you AuntShecky, and also Virgil, Firefangled, Qimissung, Pendragon, Dr Jekyll and ampoule for your very kind remarks. They were all excellent poems, I enjoyed every one of them.

    For the next form I would like to select the Terza Rima. This form was invented by Dante Aligheri, and consists of three line tercets with a specific rhyming scheme. The first and last line of each tercet must rhyme, but overall there is a 'chain rhyme' in which the end-word of the second line in one tercet supplies the rhyme for the first and third lines in the following tercet. This creates a rhyme scheme as follows : ABA BCB CDC DED and so on. The poem ends with a couplet which may adopt the same rhyming pattern as the first line, or the last. There's no limit on the number of tercets.

    So if you had a 5 tercet poem, with a finishing couplet, the rhyme scheme would be:

    ABA BCB CDC DED EFE (AA) or (EE)

    As always, it probably makes more sense with an example. The following poem by Frost is an excellent Terza rima:

    Acquainted with the Night

    I have been one acquainted with the night.
    I have walked out in rain — and back in rain.
    I have outwalked the furthest city light.

    I have looked down the saddest city lane.
    I have passed by the watchman on his beat
    And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

    I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
    When far away an interrupted cry
    Came over houses from another street,

    But not to call me back or say good-bye;
    And further still at an unearthly height,
    One luminary clock against the sky

    Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
    I have been one acquainted with the night.

    Robert Frost (1923)
    It's a tricky form so I don't propose to set a theme. Please interpret as you see fit.

    Deadline is 19th February. If anyone needs any clarification on the form, please let me know.

    I look forward to reading your poems
    Want to know what I think about books? Check out https://biisbooks.wordpress.com/

  12. #702
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Full Circle

    Often it seems that time is just wasting away,
    The moments slip by as fragile as mist—
    Far too soon today’s tomorrow is just another yesterday…

    Flailing one’s way towards that terrible rift,
    Each day one step closer to the end—
    Life is an adventure and one that is so hard to resist…

    What lies beyond once one goes round the next bend,
    Will it be sorrow or unsurpassed joy—
    Why can’t one just look forward to whatever fate sends…

    Time is an enemy that makes old men out of boys,
    That writes lines upon faces, crumbles mountains to sand—
    Even on mountaintops the shadow of the grim valley annoys…

    So I embrace the sorrow or joy of each day—
    And quit worrying about time just slipping away…

    Pendragon
    © 1/23/10
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  13. #703
    Internal nebulae TheFifthElement's Avatar
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    Wow! Very moving first entry from Pendragon. Thanks you've set the bar high already. Look forward to seeing more.
    Want to know what I think about books? Check out https://biisbooks.wordpress.com/

  14. #704
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    In the heart of the heart
    lies the mystery of who we are:
    queen, angel, saviour, tart.

    And we can never get very far
    from our origins, however hard we try,
    or from our guiding star.

    You may listen to us laugh or cry.
    You will hear the same solitary child
    who, helpless, watches the world go by,

    frightened, alone, and yet beguiled
    by the mystery, unfolding, but forever wild.

  15. #705
    Internal nebulae TheFifthElement's Avatar
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    Excellent! Thank you Prince. Now we have a contest.

    Any more for any more?
    Want to know what I think about books? Check out https://biisbooks.wordpress.com/

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