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Thread: Form Poem Contest

  1. #46
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Exclamation

    Whew! Work cut out for me, but two days left for any other interested poets!
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  2. #47
    Registered User littlewing53's Avatar
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    Hi Pen...great idea! and the poems are awesome everybody...i will try to give it a go..as virgil sed earlier it'll take some time...i will try to make the deadline...

  3. #48
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Exclamation

    Dead Line for poems is tonight!
    Last edited by Pendragon; 04-27-2007 at 11:25 AM.
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  4. #49
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Exclamation Announcing form poetry winner!

    Let me see here:

    Riesa: your first stanza seems to remind me of longing for love, the second the question of if the love could survive them being apart. That hinges on the one line
    “separate we are, alone, divided” and its reversal “Divided, alone, are we separate?”.
    All said, an excellent poem, and a good grasp of the admittedly unusual form!

    Adolescent09: I loved your title, and you grasped the form very well. My favorite line was this:
    “please those who needn't be pleased” and the reverse “please be needn't, those who are pleased”.
    The first stanza has one out to please the world, the second realizes that one cannot. Excellent!

    Il Penseroso: You played with the form before coming up with an excellent poem. Music certainly seems mathematical, and indeed is based on mathematics. Division of a string by a finger against a fret board plays a guitar. I really think I like this line and its reverse best
    “scratching pullovers” “Pullovers scratching”,
    as they represent all I think has gone wrong with music. Really, both stanza’s seem to lament the decline of music, but in different ways.

    Kandaurov: The poem is very strong and grasps the form with precision. The first stanza is one’s past strength; the second, one’s present weakness. My favorite line is your first, the last in the second stanza:
    “Courage. I had courage” “Courage, had I courage...!
    Lovely!

    Niamh: Interesting poem. You found a strength others had missed your poem—combining lines on the reversals to form new meanings. A little punctuation makes a world of difference: example: first stanza:
    “Quiet everything goes bye
    good say I, no more time”
    Now second stanza:
    “time, no more I say good
    bye...goes everything quiet”
    Quite a different meaning by rearranging the words with punctuation, don’t you think?

    Petra: I see you used my nickname for you when you entered. Thank you. Small things matter more that anyone knows. You took a real chance and pulled it off. Long lines in the poem that must reverse perfectly. And they do. First stanza offers sadness, the second a breath of hope, that things are not as bad as they seem. Favorite line has to be:
    “Again paradise lost. Open gates closed. Once possible, it is now” “Now is it possible? Once closed gates open lost paradise again.”
    Orionsbelt: Pizza. Thinking with your stomach, yes? It was a good poem but was shaky on form. And the trouble is, reversed or not reversed, the same imagery of an Italian Chef skillfully manipulating the bread for a pizza is still there. Also you have a problem here:
    “brown around red, swims spread
    thin green or white stripe “ from the fist stanza.

    “stripe white or green,
    thin spread swims red, around brown flat” from the second stanza.
    You moved a word to another line. That isn’t allowed. Sorry.

    Virgil:

    I must say I enjoyed your poem, and the reversal certainly manages to give a new meaning to several words! Take this line for example:
    “Steeling his consanguineous neighbor”” Neighbor consanguineous his steeling”.
    In the first stanza, the knight could have been “steeling” (running a lance through) his consanguineous (bloody) neighbor. But in the second stanza, perhaps “steeling” should be spelled with an “a”, thus: “Stealing”. “Consanguineous” means “of the blood, or of one’s blood” as well, meaning now he has stolen someone’s daughter, wife, concubine, etc. and consummated the deed. Good show!

    First, may I thank each of you for entering the contest. I tossed out a very hard form, and you went to bat like the pros that you are. I would dearly love to call this a five-way tie, since five of you wrote excellent winners in my book: ‘Dole, Kandy, Niamh. Petra, and Virgil.

    Yet I can only choose one. Niamh, congratulations Best use of punctuation to change meaning in a reversible! You are a winner, and may choose the next form..
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  5. #50
    Yeeeah, Niamh rules!! She absolutely deserved it, she's a masterly poetess. And thanks for all the trouble you went through to give us your feedback, Pen, I truly appreciated it!

  6. #51
    Registered User littlewing53's Avatar
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    Talking

    congrats niamh...so enjoyed reading everyone's poems they were all beautifully written...excellent idea pen...even tho i didn't make the deadline it has inspired me to keep writing....

  7. #52
    Ditsy Pixie Niamh's Avatar
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    Oh my god! i thought i'd made a mess of that form!
    thank you so much for chosing my poem Pen. I really dont feel like i deserve to be the winner as everyones poems were so wonderful! Virgil, Kand, Riesa, adol and il Pens I really love you poems! Orion yours made me craze pizza! I'm so flattered!
    Thank you for your feed back also Pen. Its nice to get feedback on ones work.(oddly enough... punctuation was what always got me in trouble in english! )

    As for the next form... i'm not really sure... I dont generally work with form, just go with what comes out of my head. This is only my second time doing something in form, first was a sonnet.(hence why you never see me around the Haiku!) But i'll try come up with something as challenging as yours...

    I'll get back to you on that...(unless you came help me Pen? )

    Thank you!
    "Come away O human child!To the waters of the wild, With a faery hand in hand, For the worlds more full of weeping than you can understand."
    W.B.Yeats

    "If it looks like a Dwarf and smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf (or a latrine wearing dungarees)"
    Artemins Fowl and the Lost Colony by Eoin Colfer


    my poems-please comment Forum Rules

  8. #53
    Vincit Qui Se Vincit Virgil's Avatar
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    Great job, Niamh. Very good. I look forward to the next form.
    LET THERE BE LIGHT

    "Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena

    My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/

  9. #54
    Left 4evr Adolescent09's Avatar
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    Well deserved recognition for you, Niamh. Your submitted poem had truly singular lines and reversals as Pendragon obviously noticed.. It's actually quite funny that he quoted the reversal I, myself liked best in your poem. “Courage. I had courage” “Courage, had I courage...!". Kudos to you again, Niamh
    My hide hides the heart inside

  10. #55
    Ditsy Pixie Niamh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adolescent09 View Post
    Well deserved recognition for you, Niamh. Your submitted poem had truly singular lines and reversals as Pendragon obviously noticed.. It's actually quite funny that he quoted the reversal I, myself liked best in your poem. “Courage. I had courage” “Courage, had I courage...!". Kudos to you again, Niamh
    “Courage. I had courage” “Courage, had I courage...!".
    Em i think that that was Kands poem Adol....
    But thanks anyway!
    "Come away O human child!To the waters of the wild, With a faery hand in hand, For the worlds more full of weeping than you can understand."
    W.B.Yeats

    "If it looks like a Dwarf and smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf (or a latrine wearing dungarees)"
    Artemins Fowl and the Lost Colony by Eoin Colfer


    my poems-please comment Forum Rules

  11. #56
    Left 4evr Adolescent09's Avatar
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    Oh crap, I'm sorry about that.
    My hide hides the heart inside

  12. #57
    in angulo cum libro Petrarch's Love's Avatar
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    Congratulations Niamh!

    And thank's Pen, for the feedback.

    "In rime sparse il suono/ di quei sospiri ond' io nudriva 'l core/ in sul mio primo giovenile errore"~ Francesco Petrarca
    "Follies and nonsense, whims and inconsistencies do divert me, I own, and I laugh at them whenever I can."~ Jane Austen

  13. #58
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Exclamation

    As I said, this one really needed to be a tie... but how do you do that in our type of contests? One the winner has to pick a picture, and the other a form. Hard to choose a multiple winner in this situtation!
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  14. #59
    Ditsy Pixie Niamh's Avatar
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    The new form is here!

    Hey everyone!
    I've selected a new challenge for anyone participating in this contest.
    This is a poem by the famous Irish poet Patrick Kavanagh. It is somewhat famous for its style!

    Inniskeen Road: July Evening

    The bicycles go by in twos and threes -
    There's a dance in Billy Brennan's barn tonight,
    And there's the half-talk code of mysteries
    And the wink-and-elbow language of delight.
    Half-past eight and there is not a spot
    Upon a mile of road, no shadow thrown
    That might turn out a man or woman, not
    A footfall tapping secrecies of stone.

    I have what every poet hates in spite
    Of all the solemn talk of contemplation.
    Oh, Alexander Selkirk knew the plight
    Of being king and government and nation.
    A road, a mile of kingdom. I am king
    Of banks and stones and every blooming thing.

    Patrick Kavanagh
    This is clearly a Petrarchan Sonnet with its octave and sestet. But if you look at it closely it is also a shakespearian sonnet! It has three quatrains and one couplet concluding the poem at the end and has the same rythmn of a shakespearian. It is laid out like a Petrarchan as the octave expresses one thing, the sestet another.
    So this is the challenge! To write a poem that is both Petrarchan and shakespearian in its style. Iambic pentameter is optional (to make it a bit different )

    You have until the 29-may-07...

    Goodluck!
    Niamh
    Last edited by Niamh; 04-29-2007 at 11:05 AM. Reason: spelling
    "Come away O human child!To the waters of the wild, With a faery hand in hand, For the worlds more full of weeping than you can understand."
    W.B.Yeats

    "If it looks like a Dwarf and smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf (or a latrine wearing dungarees)"
    Artemins Fowl and the Lost Colony by Eoin Colfer


    my poems-please comment Forum Rules

  15. #60
    Left 4evr Adolescent09's Avatar
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    I’m sorry Niamh. I am not well acquainted with both the Petrarchan (never even heard of it) or Shakespearian styles but I will try my best to write a poem which conveys a similar style (in rhyme, stanza length and syllables) to the one you have quoted. (I think your quoted poem sounds lovely )

    Black Streets Stalk Peter

    In the celerity of sunset’s death,
    Young Adam flips stones ‘till the pit-pit-patter,
    echos beyond stillness of moonlight’s breath,
    and makes the milky, white dots supremely fatter.
    Young Ike wants wings to transcend the moon
    But dreams don’t grow on blackened roots for flight.
    His low muttering provides somber tune
    as shiftless feet glide mossy stones of night

    Peter’s clamor breaks the liquified calms,
    as improvisational crows chase his feet.
    The sleepers are too tired to have qualms,
    so High Pitch River floods the street.
    He turns lanes, hits a pole, streaking scarlet
    It might've been worse if he had struck a harlot
    Last edited by Adolescent09; 04-29-2007 at 10:24 PM.
    My hide hides the heart inside

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