Hmmm, well if mine's done wrong, so is Adol and Riesa's. I think we all got a little confused, this is new.
Hmmm, well if mine's done wrong, so is Adol and Riesa's. I think we all got a little confused, this is new.
and somehow a dog
has taken itself & its tail considerably away
into the mountains or sea or sky, leaving
behind: me, wag.
- John Berryman
Yes, Il Pen is right... If mine is done wrong I think I'll have to drop out because this might just be too challenging for me. But wait a second.... The poem you posted yourself doesn't seem to comply with the rules of the contest, Pendragon. look:
Gasping spirit leaves.
Crimson spurts, wounds mortal.
Covered knife. Slashed torso.
Blood-filled lungs gurgle.
Not enough time. Not enough time.
Sometimes help never comes…
Strikes are made quickly.
Alone: Wolf and Prey—
Cold killer cleans sharp blade…
Blade sharp cleans killer: cold—
Prey and Wolf: Alone…
Quickly made are strikes—
Never comes help! Sometimes,
Time not enough… Time not enough!
Gurgle lungs, blood-filled.
Torso slashed—knife covered
Mortal wounds—spurts crimson…
Leaves spirit, gasping…
^^^If the rules of the contest imply direct reversibility in every line of the second stanza shouldn't the lines "Not enough time. Not enough time" be exactly reversed to "Time enough not. Time enough not"? As I said it's very difficult making sense when the direct reversibility rule is implied... Look at the other line you changed a little..: "Sometimes help never comes" should reverse directly to "Comes never help sometimes"...
If I am wrong about this and it is ok to "tweek" directly reversible lines then I'm sorry about this little confusion. But then again most of your other lines in the poem directly reverse so it is evident that some of the poem's lines are changed around and some are direct
Please excuse me if I got this all wrong. I'm a n00b at poetry styles. I'm not trying to start any row here, I'm just stating my views on this matter..
My hide hides the heart inside
yes, I see now, I was most definitely confused. ah, it's all new. I'll try to edit, see what happens.
"Don't matter who they are, anybody sets foot in this house, they are company and don't let me catch you remarking on their ways like you were so high and mighty."
Last edited by Pendragon; 04-03-2007 at 09:35 PM.
Some of us laugh
Some of us cry
Some of us smoke
Some of us lie
But it's all just the way
that we cope with our lives...
Aww. This thread is slipping away. Doesn't anyone else wish to post poems on this ingenious new idea and bump this thread to the front lines?
My hide hides the heart inside
I intend to Adolescent. But I haven't gotten an idea yet.
LET THERE BE LIGHT
"Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena
My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/
Song and Silence
Music turned arithmetic
and in the end
pattern in transistors
radio programming
syllables in a common
counting scale
that turns records
spun into hip-hop stretch
scratching pullovers.
pullovers scratching
stretch hip-hop into spun
records turn that
scale counting
common in a syllable,
programming radio
transistors in pattern,
end in the
arithmetic turned music.
and somehow a dog
has taken itself & its tail considerably away
into the mountains or sea or sky, leaving
behind: me, wag.
- John Berryman
*Awe and admiration*
“Words are very unnecessary; they can only do harm”
- Enjoy the Silence, Depeche Mode
well, here is mine then...
Courage. I had courage.
Now? Perhaps then.
Wolves. My help. I would
act surprised. Nevertheless,
no surprise. This I knew:
Help was there.
Rustling dark leaves.
Fearful, this hate.
Enough despair. I was alone, now.
Now, alone was I. Despair, enough!
Hate this. Fearful
Leaves, dark rustling.
There was help!
Knew I this surprise? No.
Nevertheless, act surprised!
Would I help my wolves
Then? Perhaps now?
Courage, had I courage...!
my contrabution. (not good at all but fun to do!and took a while to figure it out.)
Forever walking, Slowly by
stop to think, wonder why.
Sky darkens, it amazed!
lonely wandering clouds
world is sleeping still
Quiet everything goes bye
good say i, nomore time
to live, to go alone
alas cried i, tonight!
Tonight, I cried alas,
Alone go to live, to
time, nomore i say good
bye...goes everything quiet.
Still Sleeping is world...
Clouds wandering lonely,
amazed it darkens sky.
why wonder..think to stop
by, slowly walking forever.
"Come away O human child!To the waters of the wild, With a faery hand in hand, For the worlds more full of weeping than you can understand."
W.B.Yeats
"If it looks like a Dwarf and smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf (or a latrine wearing dungarees)"
Artemins Fowl and the Lost Colony by Eoin Colfer
my poems-please comment Forum Rules
Great one, IP! Now you catch on, and it is a great poem!
Kandaurov, also a good poem, way to write the form!
Niamh, don't be so hard on yourself! Good poem!
I thank everyone who has participated so far and hope others follow. I know this is a tough form. But I've never submitted one for publication that was refused. The unusualness of the form catches the eyes of editors, I guess.
Some of us laugh
Some of us cry
Some of us smoke
Some of us lie
But it's all just the way
that we cope with our lives...
Just a question on the form, Pen. The nine lines can be of any length? Is that correct?
LET THERE BE LIGHT
"Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena
My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/
LET THERE BE LIGHT
"Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena
My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/