Form Poem Contest

**Petrarch's Love** · 09-24-2007, 03:12 PM

This thread was looking a bit lonely and I realized I hadn't tried my hand at this one yet. What an interesting form this is.

One hot afternoon my friend Jim
Suggested we go take a swim
So I stopped reading Blake,
We went down to the lake,
And, not hesitating, dove in.

While underwater
Our lips met. We kissed deeply.
Floating limbs tangled
In a moment's suspended
Ecstasy, like the world's birth.

Then up to the surface we seethed
And laughed as we struggled to breathe
Then Jim splashed at my face
And we started a race
And played just like Adam and Eve.

**quasimodo1** · 09-24-2007, 06:32 PM

To Petrarch's Love: Although I'm not familiar with all the entries, this one is well done, animated and subtle. quasi

**Petrarch's Love** · 09-24-2007, 06:35 PM

Thanks, Quasi. Glad you liked it.

**autolycus** · 09-25-2007, 08:43 AM

Very lively, PL!

Don't forget the syllable count though... part of the fun of this contest is the brain-twisting problems we have to work with to squeeze into the given form.

**Petrarch's Love** · 09-25-2007, 11:02 AM

Did I make a mistake somewhere? I thought I had it down. I'll go back and count again.

edit: My, I had overdone a few lines there. I think it's all ship shape now unless I've missed something.

**autolycus** · 09-29-2007, 09:59 PM

Oh dear, not so many entries... was this form too complicated?

We've got three solid entries. Anyone else?

Let's extend it one week, to 7 Oct 2007, 2359h GMT...

**stephofthenight** · 10-03-2007, 10:53 AM

ok so by 8-8-6-6-8 i assume you mean sylables?

**Virgil** · 10-03-2007, 11:42 AM

If the contest is still open, I will try this weekend to come up with something. I had an idea when this form came up but i got busy and never got it, and now I've forgotten my idea.

**autolycus** · 10-03-2007, 01:19 PM

stephofthenight: yes, syllable count...

Virgil (and others): please do enter; the deadline is 2359h on Sunday 7 Oct 2007 GMT.

I eagerly await the pleasure of reading your entries.

**barbara0207** · 10-03-2007, 05:48 PM

Interesting form, I'll have a go at it.

(BTW, my dictionary shows "fire" as one syllable; if you feel that's not correct, I'll have to make changes)

"Dear niece," said my old Auntie Jess
at breakfast, "the world's in a mess!
Setbacks and disasters -
are we still the masters
or do we deserve the distress?"

"Please, don't fret, dear Aunt,"
I said and sipped my coffee.
"What about good things,
like a beautiful sunrise
accompanied by birds' songs --"

"Oh yes," sighed my old Auntie Jess,
"the world's in a terrible mess!
Floods flowing, storms blowing
and forest fires glowing
and I burnt your toast, I confess!"

**autolycus** · 10-04-2007, 10:37 AM

I'm fine with 'fire' as one syllable and stuff like that... as long as it's reasonable, i'll swallow it.

**TheFifthElement** · 10-04-2007, 01:46 PM

This was a very difficult form!

Escaping Death

Death stood at my door with a grin
demanding that I let him in,
I turned away instead,
and with lightening feet fled
leaving old man Death in a spin.

I ran through the fields,
past green forests, and oceans
blue. But no matter how
fast I flew, Death was close by,
and escape was just a dream.

He caught me in Starbucks café
whilst drinking a skinny latte
he had an espresso
and sang in falsetto
until the lights took me away.

**autolycus** · 10-08-2007, 03:41 AM

Competition closed... results by 10/10!

**autolycus** · 10-10-2007, 05:59 AM

Hello everyone!

Pen: When you're funny, you're very funny! Your poem about the fate of poetry brought tears of laughter to my eyes because of the image of the hapless author - something most of us have experienced.

Riesa's on second reading and third sounded more and more like a psychological thriller. I was thinking 'Stepford Wives' partway through... but of course it isn't anything like that. I think...

Petrarch's Love: Heh, this one actually fulfils the content requirements perfectly. There are clear phases and transitions. Not so sure about Jim though... *grin*

barbara0207: the adventures of Aunt Jess are truly funny, and rhymes like 'masters' with 'disasters' are one mark of the epic limerick - along with the transition from disaster to coffee to toast.

FifthElement: here was one I didn't expect - Death's hunt. I enjoyed it, a bit like the car chases one used to get in 'The Streets of San Francisco'. Oops, have I just given away my age? *grin*

=====

And the winner, based on scansion, theme and structure is...

*dang*

Hold on while I look through my notes.
This thing isn't run just on votes;
You have to consider
That creature, Derrida,
And not just sound off on the quotes...

*grin*

OK, barbara0207, Aunt Jess wins it this time!